NSFW – Fatback Media

So yeah. Whatever. I thought my last post Britney Spears topless was going to pay my rent this month like Antonella Barba did last month. However, it turns out that paparazzi photos, or this case, ‘stolen from someone who knows Britney’ photos cost 1G a pop. And what me havin’ bitches in tha livin’ room gettin’ on and they ain’t leavin’ till 6 in tha mo’nin’, I gotta hang on to these ends, yo. Anyway, buzzkill rent takers aside, there actually is some shit worth reading on the web today. I’m keeping it to myself though. Fuck you.

• Here are the Topless Britney Spears pictures in case you came here for them. Although I think I’d rather see Allie topless. Reeeow. Blogger boobies! (Allie)
• Kimberly Stewart at Coachella. Looking like a roachella. Yeah. That’s what I said. (Bastardly)
• Lindsay Lohan is a whore and she’s off the wagon. The whore wagon. (Don’t Judge me)
• Jesus take the wheeel. Or Sienna Miller’s nip slip. Whatevs, deity. (DS)
• They should call his mom GANJAYA SMOKALAR. That’s the name of my bong. (Bumpshack)
• More Britney Spears topless. Now with MORE DAISY! (Yeeeah)
• Speaking of boobies, these are NOT pictures of Britney Spears Boobs, they ARE pics of hot slutty college girls. (CH)
• Self referential link to another link post that a links back to my site and a picture of Jessica Simpson’s rack. (GoT)

More of Jamie Lynn Spears the cantankerous Spears sister. Wait, I meant cankerous.

Jessica Simpson’s creepy dad, Joe Simpson, may be taking over as Britney Spears’ new manager – if new rumors are correct. Apparently, he thinks that he can give a much needed boost to Britney’s flagging career. Or maybe he just wants to watch her take a bath.

According to an inside source, Joe Simpson is considering managing Spears’ career, or what’s left of it, just as he has done for Jessica and her sister, Ashlee.

The former Baptist minister even tried to set up a meeting over the weekend with Spears, our source attests – though Jessica’s rep Cindi Berger denies it. (source)

The dude creeps me out. He’s everything wrong with stage moms and smarmy, touchy feely preachers all rolled up into one jeans-and-a-t-shirt Christian alternative, Jesus is way cool, greaseball package. The only good that can come of this is an underground home-made porn of Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears wearing Mousekateer Ears. Which would be degrading, exploitative, senseless and totally fucking awesome. More Britney and her new hotness.

What the hell? How the hell can Jessica Simpson go from areola peaking perfection (which was just TWO DAYS AGO), to this? Did she travel through time? Did she become a middle school teacher? Holy hell, I’m confused. Can you retroactively renege on masturbation? Oh yeah. She also pissed the bed drunk in Rome. Or at least that’s what this blind item would have you believe

Which blond bombshell, on a recent visit to Rome, became ill and soiled her bedsheets so badly that the hotel mattress had to be replaced? “Also, she and [her boyfriend] have a reputation for really dirty sex,” says a snitch. (source) (via)

That’s fucked up, but I’m more concerned with what the hell is going on under that shirt. It’s like the Philadelphia Experiment. I keep waiting for her dog to run up and barely recognize her. Is that Japanese coin she’s holding? More HQ’s of Jessica and her flapjacks are here.

UPDATE: Sexy, yet whorish sounding Jolene, reminded me that the scene with the dog is actually from The Final Countdown, which was also a solid film about a navy ship going back in time. Whatever.

UP-UPDATE: Another sexy forensic scientist wrote in and said after she examined these pics Jessica’s boobs weren’t that bad. Her hair tendril was giving the illusion on flabby titties. You decide.

Jessica Simpson was out sans Mayer this week when she was accosted by a homeless man. Luckily, Jessica’s body guard jumped in to save her and her new, even more ginormous-er rack.

While walking her girls from Parc to a faraway parking lot, Jess had a close run-in with a dreadlocked homeless man, who was curious as to why everyone was taking pictures of her. Her sarcastic reply — “I don’t know.” Simpson’s leather-clad Nick Lachey-alike then stepped in and shielded her from the curious streetperson. (Source)

Holy shit. Jessica Simpson’s rack has grown from 34DD’s to 36WTF’s. Just when you think the world has finally led you down the last chute, and is about to finish you off with a pneumatic bolt to the back of the head before grinding you up into to E. coli ridden, shit burgers, something like this happens. Hope. Awesome just free-climbed a mountain naked, dove off into the cockpit of a jet fighter and strafed the mediocre with fiery bullets of excellence before parachuting down into a pool of hot burning sexual musk. Like from a horny skunk. But not stinky. Musky. Booyah. Red wine and and twinkies are the BASF of boobies.