NSFW – Fatback Media

Before getting into this, I wanted to share an inspirational quote from a book I read some years ago. It’s by one of the rats in Who Moved My Cheese:

“When you move beyond your fear, you feel free.”

Sultry singer Jessica Simpson, who recently broke up with singer John Mayer is waxing poetic about her trials, tribulations and the debilitating fear that comes with being a super rich, entitled country-come-to-town, “singer” who never wonts for anything and always gets her way. I was being ironic there. See? Not like Alanis ironic – which isn’t ironic at all – more at (and this is for the cheap seats), change the debilitating fear to total awesomeness. Here’s what she says on her website:

I just got back from spending some time in Europe, and while I was there I visited many museums, and have been reading about different artists. I have also been writing a lot in my journal recently. I was reading a book about Michelangelo and there were 2 quotes that caught my attention -

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”

These quotes inspired me to write the below passage. I hope you can find your own individual meaning in it, as I keep coming back to it and find new strength.

“Sometimes we are all so afraid to be honest with ourselves because we know that honesty will lead us somewhere off the path of the life we’ve mapped out in our minds. Today, I challenge us to ask ourselves this…

What if we allow our fear to provoke us into action?

Can facing our fear be what walks us to somewhere better?

I do not have your answers, but in the quest to find my own, I’ve discovered somewhere worth traveling to…

In my life, I ignore my fears too often, but then I’m left with nothing to challenge the best of me. I just remain cowering from my true identity.

There is no discovery.” (source)

Indeed, bard. Indeed. That’s so inspiring. And original. And totally divined from Michaelangelo’s sculpture; certainly not from the 69 page paperback that you picked up at the airport with an Us Magazine and a box of Sour Patch Kids. I too, have become inspired by this passage and offer this:

“The delicate flower, when from bucolic meadow is unduly plucked, though she sails high seas in vessels gold or in adulation reigns with crown on troubled brow, shall ne’er be so quiescent as in her original sanctum…”

or more rightly,

“You can take the girl out of the trailer park…and if she has DD’s she might just make it. Or she could always work at Hooter’s.”

I think another of our great poet’s put it best:

“Welcome to the jungle baby, you gonna die.”

You. Gonna. Die. Indeed.

Damn, Jessica Simpson. Those cheese and mayonnaise sandwiches have been working. The only time it’s ever good for a girl to get fat and happy, is if a) she had an eating disorder and b) her boobs get fucking enormous. I hear that she and John Mayer have broken up, but the happy time did her (and us) some good. I mean, her hair looks like she colored it with a Lemon Sport Snapple and the dress is borderline ridiculous… Wait. No. It’s totally ridiculous. But I can’t hold that against her because of the giant rack.

The same thing happens at Hooters. I tell myself, the slutty girls are just flirty to get my money. And no matter how much I spend, they will not flash their rack at me, much less give me a hand job. (PS. I found that last one out the hard way. Apparently there is some law?) A great rack can cancel out busted up features. Like that girl at the drive through with DD’s. It’s an ancient magical balancing effect that makes greasy haired slutty chicks hot. I can’t explain it. What am I a sorcerer? Magic LINKS!

Update: I’m usually not paranoid but if that dude up there keeps staring at me, I might have to unleash the fury.

• Six Degrees of Britney’s vagina. (Celebrity Hubris)
• Maria Menounos is pretty hot. Way better than Billy Bush. (Bastardly)
• Awesome video of a chick trying out her new stripper pole. If by awesome you mean she falls on her head. (Ebaums)
• Jesus interviewed Rachel Style from Ugly Betty. She’s nerd hot. Or just hot. And you’re a nerd. (DS)
• Speaking of boobies, I think you’re sister who’s away at school has a hot rack. (CH)
• Avril Lavigne is a pissy little bitch. (Yeeeah)
• Britney Spears is trying to be a diva when she needs to sit back and enjoy the fact that we alsmost think she’s hot again. (Bump shack)

If you can read this, then I applaud you’re access to the ether, because something is rotten in serverland. I’m trying to get it worked out…stay tuned.

UPDATE: Dateline – Kuala Lumpur: Not really. I just always wanted to say ‘dateline’. As you can see, we’re back up and running after the latest server fiasco. As it turns out, having a tech team comprised of sexy cocktail waitresses and former Hooters girls isn’t really the smartest decision in terms of IT infrastructure, but when they get drunk they flash their boobies. And if there is one thing all IT dept’s could use a little more of, it’s boobies. [Side note: Isn't it awesome how every office has that one hot girl who  will get drunk at an office outing and flash her boobies at the bar? It makes work a little more bearable knowing that you've seen a coworkers naked boobs a couple of times. Yeah, the coffee sucks but I've seen the admin's tits. Good times.]

Anyway, my sexy team teals me that we’reback up to 100%, so posting will commence as usual around here. I’ve been sleeping off a 5 day Miami snow drift, so I need to check the boards for some news. I bet there are nipslips to had by all… LINKS.

•  Pamela Anderson nip-slip for all you 80′ mofo’s (DS)
• Nicole Sherzinger is actually hot. Not like those other dudes on PCD. (Bastardly)
• Bob Barker is still alive? (Bumpshack)
• Christina Ricci is a naked whore. I LOVE naked whores. (Yeeeah)
• Paris Hilton is going to be a fat convict ho. Toss that salad girl. (Notorius)

Stayed tuned…

So apparently there was a Gala at  the the Costume Institute this week. And apparently there is actually a Costume Institute as well. From the looks of the photos coming from the gala, it was more of a cleavage contest than costume exhibition. I should to add some of my best costumes to the Gala, like the hefty bag and purple gloves that I used for my California Raisin costume in the 9th grade at Anna Wilson’s costume party. Which, as it turns out, wasn’t really a costume party. Oh yeah, they weren’t  laughing any more when the second story caught fire, were they? I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Links!

• Pipi Long has all the cleave-tastic photos from the Costume Institute Gala. (Pipi)
• Britney Spears comeback tour sho go away again. (DS)
• Jenny McCarthy ads a little class to the Kentucky Derby. (Bastardly)
• Paris Hilton smokes a fat ass J. Made of poor people skin. True Story. (D-Listed)
• Spiderman 3 is out of web fluid. I liked the Spidey on the Electric Company. (Pajiba)
• Jessica Simpson looks like a tranny prostitute. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. (Yeeeah)
• Paris Hilton, rehires publicist, fires lawyer, eats a poor person. (Celebitchy)
• JT and Cameron D kiss. OMG! Arethey BFF’s again. I would so <3 that. (Bumpshack)