Since the Dallas Cowboy’s early exit from this year’s NFL playoffs, snipers and ninjas in the Dallas area are waiting for Jessica Simpson to step foot inside the city limits, because they feel she was partly responsible for the loss. Yesterday on his blog, Simpson’s ex-bf John Mayer asks us to politely leave Jessica alone. Sorry. He writes:

Dear Dallas and Surrounding Areas,

This isn’t a sports blog, and it isn’t a publicity stunt. (but have at me if it feels right.)

This is about doing what I think is right as a person, in this case speaking my mind.

I have never known anyone to have more pride in their home state and their upbringing in it than Jessica Simpson has in Texas. I don’t really follow sports, but I have played some of my biggest and best concerts in your state, and having witnessed how dynamic the spirit there is, I’m betting emotions are running high right about now.

All witty barbs, blogs, and fashion policing aside, that girl loves Texas more than you know. It’s one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don’t try and take that away from her. (You probably wouldn’t be able to, but it’s less work for all involved.)

I just thought it would mean something coming from the guy who has the absolute least to gain from this. And if I’m out of line in having written it, too bad. I can spare a Wednesday’s worth of bad press if it means sticking up for a good soul.

JM

ZZZZZZ. Whatever. After “I don’t really follow sports”, I kinda stopped reading. That’s because I pictured John writing this wrapped in a shawl, sipping sherry, and watching Barefoot Contessa. I figured he might not be the authority on the 3-4 defense or understanding why national media coverage involving your starting quarterback’s vacation might not be the best thing to happen to your team a week before a playoff game.

Jessica Simpson was feeling quite giving this holiday season. No, I’m not talking about the nipple slip above, although that is sure to make everyone including baby Jesus tickled pink, Jessica recently sent Prison Break star Lane Garrison a TV to help him get through his 40 month stint in jail for a drunk driving accident that killed a teenager.

JESSICA SIMPSON gave jailed actor LANE GARRISON something to smile about over Christmas (07) – she reportedly gifted the former PRISON BREAK star with a colour TV. Garrison, who is serving a 40-month prison sentence for a drink driving accident that cost a teenage passenger his life, was granted access to a TV in his cell for good behaviour, but didn’t have the funds to buy one. So Simpson, who grew up with Garrison, offered to buy her troubled friend the TV, according to In Touch Weekly magazine. (source)

That was pretty sweet of her, but if he doesn’t have cable or an antenna, then he’ll only be able to get the FOX network which airs new episodes of Prison Break every week. So, maybe she really doesn’t like him at all. I mean she showed us her nipple Lane. And we didn’t kill anybody. More of Jessica Simpson’s right nipple for the free people.

More nipple-tastic links!

• Your perfume smells like vagina. No really. (Unibrow)
• Whose Boobs? Italian style! (LG)
• Kimberly Stewart got hot? (Bastardly)
• Guess whose gigantic rack this is. (SeriouslyOMG)
• 100’s of hot nude links. Except mine. Thanks jesus. (DS)
• Who would you rather bang? (Liquid Generation)
• Miranda Kerr and her Aussie boobies. (Jordan)
• Coutney Cox’s asshole. (Yeeeah)
• Jennifer Aniston’s ass in a thong. (IBBB)
• Lindsay Lohan is still a whore. (Allie)
• Vivica Fox cell phone blowjob. (Bumpshack)
• Coco. You got the whole camel in there? (Gone Hollywood)
• This nude chick is smokin’. No really she has a cigarette. (CH)

Jessica Simpson is reportedly upset with John Mayer about their breakup and about his smoking hot new girlfriend, Minka Kelly.

According to the report the pop star turned country singing hopeful, isn’t pleased her ex is dating Friday Night Lights actress Minka Kelly, 27. Isn’t it a little late for all of this?

“It upsets her she couldn’t hold him down.” (source)

Normally, it would piss me off that someone had the balls to dump Jessica Simpson, but we’re talking about John Mayer. It’s like he’s on a crusade to have sex with every hot girl in Hollywood. I used to think he was kind of a mush – with all that body is a wonderland shit, but he seems like a pretty funny guy and he’s an amazing guitar player. And he is also banging EVERY HOT GIRL HOLLYWOOD and leaving them in smoking heap behind him. I think he may be the Antichrist. So he has my vote. So does Minka Kelly’s choice of underwear. Rrreow.

“Looka dat girl n’dem daisy dukes…”

Jessica Simpson in Daisy Dukes working the slutty honkey tonk bar maid look, except there are no slutty honkeytonk barmaids who look this good. After a lifetime of missed opportunities, failed relationships, unplanned pregnancies and a predilection to men who are either cowboys or bikers, most of these chicks have been pulling the taps too long to be wearing these kinds of outfits – but they still do. And every night they strap in the sagging rack that used to make the boys come running, pull on the too-tight short-shorts, fire up a crumpled Marlboro Red and click on the neon beer signs in the front window -wondering which booze soaked redneck will roll off her later tonight as she cries herself to sleep. Happy Birthday mom.

Alright bitches, here is your chance to be famous like me. If you can get your hands off your pudgies for a minute, let me know what YOU want to hear about.

We’re going to try something new around here. New hot writer, new hot stories, right? See, I’m going to let you choose my posts for my next projects. This where you get to have a say in what goes on around here. Comment on the celebrity or recent news you most want to get the real dirt on. I’ll pick my favorite and rant until the cows come home. Choose wisely, sage ones.

email me bitches. valkyrie@fatbackmedia.com/nsfw

More old school Jessica Simpson to get your uh, creative juices flowing.