NSFW – Fatback Media

Tuesday is the new Monday on a holiday week. So, I guess a few of you have case of the Tuesdays… Here’s something to cheer you right up. Links!

• Paris Hilton smokes the dank and remains above the law. She.Must.Be.Stopped. (Bumpshack)
• Abi Titmuss is half-nakedly writing another post in a bastardly way. (Bastardly)
• Cocaine: The energy drink! It’s got flavor crystals, but don’t snort it. (College Humor)
• Vince Vaughn makes out with a serious bunny in an elevator. Always double-down on 11. (Yeeeah)
• Scarlett Johansson gets an HIV test 2 times a year with the rest of the whores, strippers and porn stars. But she’s monogamous!(I’m Not Obsessed)
• Jessica Simpson’s dad gets creepier by the minute. (Derek Hail)
• Jessica Biel can bunch up her butt cheeks and rip ya dick off… (IDLYITW)
• Brook Hogan minus the grillz, and partially nude is kinda hot. (Subvert)

Shout out to Columbus for giving all of you a day off yesterday and introducing disease and weird hair to the new world.

Edward Norton, who has been out of the public for a while, is starring in the much anticipated film The Illusionist with Jessica Biel and Paul Giamatti. The story is a period piece that centers around a magician who falls in love with an Austrian prince’s fiancee.

“The magician who really started the era of the black-tie theater performance of the high-end magic presentation was this guy named [Jean Eugene] Robert-Houdin,” the 37-year-old actor explained.
The character of Eisenheim is based on the local celebrities who bridged the gap between Robert-Houdin and Houdini. Norton underwent an intensive training program with an old friend to perfect his magical powers. (source)

The “old friend” they are referring to is the great Ricky Jay who has been a magician his whole life and who also starred in Heist and Magnolia. I’m pretty excited for this film because I’m somewhat of a magician myself. At least that’s what I tell the neighborhood kids when I leave through the back door holding their mommy’s money. “Mommy only smokes when you come over”, they say. “She never smokes around daddy. And why is she so sleepy?” That’s because I’m magic, kid. Magic.

Here are some images of Jessica Biel’s magically delicious body at the premier of The Illusionist.

Share the naked celebrity goodness, y'all!

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Holla, y’all! See? That’s how you know I have street creds. I seamlessly combine seemingly random patois from two different subcultures and, not only proffer a tongue-in-cheek, yet innocent jab at each, but also generate another neologism in what is becoming a veritable omnium-gatherum of salient vernacular. Indeed. So here’s what’s going on around the out-hizzle, y’all. Damn. I’m good.

The newest “The Office”Toon is up at GMMR. That Jim and Pam. I swear… (GMMR)

“Dirty” Joe Simpson was a little too good at stalking Nick Lachey. (Tabloid Whore)

And for your afternoon pleasure: Giant Boobies. Jennifer Tilly still keeping it real. (The Bastardly)

Ryan Gosling talks about love and Rachel McAdams as butterflies and rainbows fly out of his ass while he rides a unicorn through fields of poppies. Dear diary. Unicorns are almost as ahhssiiiim as my girlfriend Rachel McAdams. (ICYDK)

Mary Kate Olsen has that disease where really young people look old before their time and they stoop way over. It’s a condition known as being a lazy whore. (VHT)

Jessica Biel offers a date with herself for a charity cause. The date includes, dinner a movie and a coupon for one free massage with release. (Subvert Society)

Remember what you were saying about that movie you just saw? Well, shut the fuck up and read Pajiba. They said it better. Plus nobody gives a shit that you still have a mint condition Megatron still in the original packaging. Ass. (Pajiba)

I would have linked to one of sexy Vera’s (easy fellas, she’s taken) posts over at I’m Not Obsessed, but her server crashed from too much love. Check her out over at her MySpace until she gets her self all migrated. (INO MySpace)

Winona Ryder is a redhead for her new movie where she plays a femme fatale who kills guys accused of sex crimes. Why does red hair make her look like a killer? (ICYDK)

Jessica Biel is single. She just broke up with Chris Evans from Fantastic Four. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to make her mine. (I’m not Obsessed)

Kristen Bell and the cast of Veronica Mars are going to be a Comic Con. It’s like a Trekkie Convention, except cool because they talk about comic books. Why is the cast of Veronica Mars there? No clue. (GMMR)

Pam Anderson gets naked for PETA because she would rather be naked than eat corn flakes, …or wear fur, or something. (Bricks and Stones)

Avril Lavigne doesn’t do drugs. ME either, unless you count coke and quaaludes. But those aren’t really counted anymore are they? (Derek Hail)

Ed. Note: Recently I, and several of my super sexy blogger friends were having an impromptu pillow fight, like we do sometimes, and the conversation turned to some shady theiving bastards who are ripping our RSS feeds and automatically posting our content to their sites. Not only are they stealing our content, they are stealing our bandwidth and, in many cases our revenue. Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions, Smokey. Keep an eye out for stolen content and don’t visit those sites. Bitches.