NSFW – Fatback Media

Hope you all had a successful Memorial Day weekend. Meaning you got drunk, ate too much and you’re now reading this with a Starbucks and and a hangover. I supported the troops this Memorial Day Weekend by doing a lot of All American activities like: drinking canned light beer, eating fried food, attending an outdoor concert in without sunscreen, talking loudly to foreigners to make them understand me better and urinating in a public park.

These paparazzi quality photos of Grace Potter were taken at Boston’s Earth Fest over the weekend. I’m thinking about adding a ridiculous watermark just to give them some street creds. In case you don’t know who Grace Potter is, she’s the tiny little girl in these pictures who is PLAYING A FLYING V GUITAR and making your girlfriend want to sleep with her. Her shows are like watching raw sexual soul being crafted up from a rock demon who ties an M-60 to your balls. That last part happens when you tell your date, “Of course I would hit that. DUH.”

• X-17 PWNED Perez Hilton. Again. FINISH HIM! (Evil beet)
• Anna Kournikova is single. Dibs. (Gabsmash)
• Justin Timberlake continues on his quest to piss me off with Jessica Biel. (Allie)
• Lindsay Lohan still drunken, whorish. (Bumpshack)
• John Mayer can’t quit those DD’s. (Celebrity Hubris)
• Heather Locklear in a bikini.God damn. (Bastardly)
• Rhianna in lingerie. (DS)
• Jessica Alba is chilly. (Ninja Dude)
• Keira Knightly may play Princess Dianna. (D-Listed)
• Lindsay Lohan puke. (Yeeeah)
• Grace Potter on Youtube (Youtube)
• Kym Johnson dances into my heart (FHM)

More Grace Potter rocking your shit.

Katharine McPhee, who seems to only show up at events lately and doesn’t seem to be doing anything musical, still has a perfect rack. And that makes her my American Idol. Katherine McPhee is also a fan of Sanjaya Malakar, apparently:

“First of all, I think Sanjaya is an absolute phenomenon. Every year, there’s something that makes the show even bigger than it was the year before. I’m on the Sanjaya train! I’m like, ‘Go Sanjaya!’ “(source)

This is Katharine at the 9th Annual Young Hollywood Awards show; which seems to be more of a PR vehicle than an actual awards show. Wait that’s ALL AWARD SHOWS. Case in point, Kat McPhee received the “Exciting New Vocalist” award from Randy Jackson and Katharine Heigl received the “Superstar of Tomorrow” award from TR Knight. That’s like the time my mom gave me the coveted “best son in the world” award when I was 10. I got half of a 7-11 turkey sandwich, a pack of Fun Dip and a Big Gulp cup with “Best Son in the World” written on it in eyeliner pencil. Oh, and bus ticket to back to our home town that turned out to be a used lotto ticket with “bus ticket home” written on it in eyeliner pencil. That’s the last time I ever saw her.

• Taryn Manning scares the shit out of me. But I’m still hot for her. Does that make me creepy? (Bastardly)
• Morgan Fairchild got some big ass titties. She’s my wife. Yeah, that’s the ticket. (DS)
• Kevin Bacon would to like to be six degrees up in Hayden’s Panetierre. ZING! I’m a writer! (Glunp)
• Jennifer “call me Love” Hewitt sells underwear. Not hers though. I have most of those anyway. (IBBB)
• Jessica Biel + booty = ‘Nuff said. Shazam. (Yeeeah)
• Sienna Miller is desperate to be sperminated. Dibs! (Holly Scoop)
• Suri Cruise prepares for world domination. Resistance is futile, mutha fucka. (D-Listed)
• Bjork. What the Fjork? (Pop Bytes)
• Phil Stacey is the new Sanjaya. Rule. (Bumpshack)

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Man that Hayden Panetierre is making me question my rule about underage chicks. Which is: don’t do it. Unless you’re out of town and the bouncers let her in on a fake ID. Speaking of… where the hell is Heroes? I’m interested to see more of that new shapeshifter chick from the Stick it. Yeah, I saw it. Where do you think the girl with the fake ID and I went for our first date? Missy Peregrym (from Stick it, duh)is pretty smokin’ hot in a manly Jessica Biel sorta way. Sometimes I need to be held. LINKS!

• This site is chock full o’ pics of Hayden Panetierre for you hard candy lovers. (Celebrity Hubris)
• Chick from the Pussy Cat Dolls,barley dressed. (Phun)
• Britney Spears is like the Peter Pan of pop stars. Except stupid. (IDLYITW)
• Jessica Biel is man-some women. It’s a mixed up mumbled up shook up world. (Yeeeah)
• Lindsay Lohan is a scissor sister. (DS)
• Sanjaya: deconstructed. (Celebrity smack)
• Clara in King magazine. Shazam! (Bastardly)
• In case you missed it. The Olivia Mojica sex tape trailer (FBC)

So the Golden Globes were on last night I hear, but I’m pretty sure that they got the lowest ratings ever because the show was on against the Season Premier of 24: Part Awesome. I DVR’d the first half and watched 4 hours of 24 in row, so that makes me a hard core, 100% American killer of things not American. Like Jack F’ng Bauer. I could write about dresses and the red carpet and who got drunk at the Golden Globes, but I really don’t care right now because I am high on patriotism, nuclear radiation and Jack Bauer. There are two reasons nobody watches the Golden Globes:

1. No nudity (it’s called the Golden Globes, WTF?)
2. No Jack Bauer

I know Keifer showed up for the GG’s, but not as Jack Bauer. Because nobody was tortured, nuked or exposed as a terrorist at the Golden Globes. In case you missed the 24 Season Premiers, in which case you’re most likely on an FBI watch list anyway, you missed Jack Bauer kill a man by CHEWING THROUGH HIS NECK, and Jack killing CTU agent Curtis Manning (RIP), and a nuclear bomb exploding in Valencia CA killing 1000′s of people and those sweet, sweet oranges that I like so much. Ooops. Spoiler alert. Suckas. Here are some links to get you going on this day after Dr. King day.

• Super Sexy LaLa has the mission briefing from all 4 hours of the 24 Season Premier (GMMR)
• Jack Bauer at the Golden Globes. No nukes here, terrorist bitches. (BumpShack)
• Wikipedia entry for Valencia Ca. It already has the 24 nuke on it. That’s wiki-quick! (Wikipedia)
• 24 is the new Blog. (Trent)
• Jessica Biel at the Golden Globes. Hmm. Let’s see. OH! Jessica Beil should bang Jack Bauer. In a clandestine manner. (Bastardly)
• Keely Hazel sex tape. Ok….Ok. Keely Hazel. Um. Is a Chechen terrorist. And she’s giving dude a BJ on tape. Bitch. (Yeeeah)

I’m spent. And I can’t wait for next Monday at 9. Now…24 hotties.