NSFW – Fatback Media

I need some shrimp and grits so check out what’s going on around the web.

Kristen Bell is cute as a button and devilishly sexy. I must stalk her. (GMMR)

Bruce Willis assaults a paparazzo and uses the old “flashy lights, epilepsy enduced violence” excuse. Yippy-kay-yeah mutha fucka! (Derek Hail)

Jessica Simpson’s new video will feature Eva Mendes, Eva Longoria, Jessica Alba and Carmen Electra. If it’s anything like, my original script, then expect to see me in a full frontally nude pile of sexy women. If it’s not, expect to masturbate anyway. (Glitterati)

Mandy Moore woke up from her dream and dumped Zach Braff. I guess he’ll have to rely on brown bear to help him through this. (Tabloid Whore)

Victoria Beckham and her nipples are hooker chic in Germany. (D-Listed)

The cover of the new Green Day album has a bleeding heart shaped grenade on the cover which allowed a young girl to identify a real live grenade in her back yard. I’m going to start a band called “The Claymores”. I want to save the children, baby. (TMZ.com)

Madonna wants to kill Lindsay Lohan and transfer her consciousness into her body through the power of Kaballah. Or maybe she’s just a needy bitch who likes young girls. Chickenhawk. (The Superficial)

All right Hamptonites. Prepare to be out Hampton-ed, out yacht-ed and out fucking classed, you new money mother fuckers. Behold the most pretentious, whitebread, old money name ever to grace the NY Times Wedding Announcements…Whipple Spaulding Newell III…yacht hair and all. God damn. Just saying his name makes silver dollars appear in his pockets. (Veiled Conceit)

It’s Tuesday lunch and here’s what’s going on around the web.

Kristin Cavallari may play Daisy Duke in the new prequel film The Inbred Dukes of Hazzard have sex with their cousin Daisy: The early Years. (I’m not Obsessed)

Paris Hilton is being sued for the car crash she caused. Unfortunately, she will not pay a dime because she is an entitled rich bitch who has never paid for a thing in her life. Bitch. (TMZ)

Jeenifer Aniston tried to call Brad Pitt to “congratulate him” but his called was refused. Translation: Jennifer Aniston can’t let go and was using the call to Brad to cause trouble. Angelina fielded the call and and smacked Brad Pitt in the face with the phone further emasculating him. (Bricks and Stones)

Denise Richards: WILF. Figure it out. (Star Power)

Shannen Doherty is getting her own reality show on Lifetime called Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty. If it was called Breaking Chairs Over Shannen Dougherty, I’d probably watch it. (Glitterati) . (PS. Glad you’re back Tina…)

The Entourage recap is online at GMMR. Still haven’t seen one god damn episode. Am I missing something? (GMMR)

Jessica Alba hangs out with her ex after the MTV Movie Awards.(The Bastardly)

The kid from A Christmas Story who shot his eye out is still alive and he’s in The Break Up with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. (ICYDK)

God damn I’m hungry. While I fry up some country style steaks, check out what’s going on around the internet.

Wanna smell like Gene Simmons’ ashtray? Try K.I.S.S Frangrances! (VHT)

Angelina Jolie refused a Scientology Award and subsequent brainwashing from Tom Cruise. Thetans rejoice!(Derek Hail)

Martine McCutcheon in a bikini. That’s about it. (The Bastardly)

E! Television just announced the Tater Award Winners for 2006. (GMMR)

Ivana Trump wants Paris Hilton to play her in a Bio-pic of her life. Let’s see. It may be a stretch, though. Ivana whored her way to fame and fortune and Paris is just a whore who’s rich. (Glitterati)

Kristin Cavallari and Brody making out on the beach in a totally non-staged, not-publicity stunt. (Bricks and Stones)

Jessica Alba pictures, just ’cause. (I’m not Obsessed)

Paris Hilton is a bitch. I just wanted to say that. Oh and she got in a wreck or something. (IDLYITW)

Scarlett Johannson’s big fat red lips. (Subvert Society)

Tobey Maguire got some girl pregnant. I though he was gay? Wait, that’s Frodo not Spidey.(ICYDK)

So my super-secret sexy source in NYC sent me some promo photos of Jessica Alba who  hosted the MTV Movie Awards which airs tomorrow night. Although I would have preferred some bikini pictures of Jessica Alba holding that Popcorn Trophy in my pool, it turns out that they never ask me before they do these photo shoots. Eye of the beholder , baby. Here are some more promo shots of Jessica and some of the show including Christina Aguilera, who performed her new song “Ain’t No other Man”. Grammar notwithstanding, this song again proves why Christina Aguilera is known as a singer and Britney and Jessica are “entertainers”.

Here’s a video from the MTV Movie Awards Show of jessica Kicking some Paparazzi ass.
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