NSFW – Fatback Media

I have no idea what this is from, but I am 1000% sure that I don’t care. Jessica Alba, tan and falling out of a bikini is enough to make me want to quit my job and fucking move to an island. How many times do you have to watch Office Space to realize that you’re that guy? Some days I just think, man this place would really fucking burn. LINKS!

• Jessica Alba in her underwear to make you hate your job even more. (IDLYITW)
• The entire movie Office Space reshot using Peeps. FUCKING PEEPS! I love peeps. (Youtube)
• Cameron Diaz in a bikini showing a little easter egg. She’s religious. (DS)
• David Duchovny is constipated. (Glitterati)
• Larry Birkhead, first redneck in history to claim his own bastard. (IBBB)
• Paris Hilton is a whore, and some other stuff blahblahblah. (Yeeeah)
• Jolene Blalock got some big ass…..(Bastardly)

I’m a lot of things to a lot of people. Besides sexymotherfucker, and espionage expert with intense kung-fu lovemaking skills, I’m also a patriot to the good ole USA. Here in the USA we stand for freedom, pro-sports, sexy chicks in bikinis and cheap middle east oil. The only thing that would make Jessica Alba playing football in a bikini an even more red blooded American hero is if she were eating a slice of apple pie, wearing a cowboy hat while I sang the star-spangled banner. Nude. at the Iwo Jima memorial. God bless the USA.
IMAGES REMOVED

UPDATE: Apparently someone else owned those Jessica Alba bikini football pictures so they graciously asked me to remove them. They also copied my hosting company on the request as well. Nice.  Just FYI though for all you fancypants picture “owners”. We get our images before you buy them from the paparazzi MOST of the time so don’t be so fussy. Lots of love. We’re still BFF’s right?

Actress Jessica Alba recently spoke out about how she left her born-again Christian church after accusations that her behavior was immoral.

Jessica Alba decided to leave her born-again Christian church after religious leaders accused her of being too promiscuous.The Dark Angel star insists her multi-ethnic appearance stopped her from being accepted in the Latin community she grew up in, so she turned to the church looking for comfort.

After four years as a born-again Christian, Alba backed away from religion because “older men would hit on me and my youth pastor said it was because I was wearing provocative clothing, when I wasn’t.
“It just made me feel like if I was in any way desirable to the opposite sex, that it was my fault, and it made me ashamed of my body and of being a woman.” (source)

I don’t know what kind of church she went to but it certainly wasn’t Christian. Christians are supposed to do-unto-others and love and encourage each other, not be intolerant, prudish assholes. Like my church. We all just ran around naked and had sex orgies that involved livestock and poisonous snakes. Every now and again someone would get their heart carved out by a hooded priest wearing face paint. Come to think of it, maybe I’m a devil worshipper. Shit. That’s not gonna sit well with JC.

My Russian contact Pavel just sent me these scans of Jessica Alba in FHM Russia via a secret compartment in a Diplomatic pouch on his way back from Belarus. Many partisans died for these images. ???????????, ??? ??????!

My Russian is a little rusty but I think the caption in the 2nd thumbnail, “??? ????? ????! ??????????? ????? ??????? ????? ???????? ????? ? ???? ??????!” means either, “Buy this capitalist whore! She will cook for you and not get fat for 2 years!” or something like “How funny it was! A ridicluous striptease trying to remove clothing!”. Whatever. ? ?? ???????… (images via fundumper)