NSFW – Fatback Media

It’s after noon and I’m fucking hongry. I need to gets my vittles on, so check out these tasty links while I fill my belly.

Jenny McCarthy, my secret dirty girl crush is dating Jim Carey. Probably. Maybe. Whatever. (WWTDD)

MILF of the century, Denise “wild things” Richards is getting married to Ritchie “old guy” Sambora. (Bricks and Stones)

I have a premonition, that the OMEN will suck devil balls, but Julia Styles is as cute as a little bulldog puppy wearing a sweater.Oh and that kid in the OMEN is really the AntiChrist in case you were wondering. (I’m Not Obsessed)

J-Lo Hewitt is dating some guy that will never see her naked. You see, if she takes the velvet ribbon off, her head will fall off. (ICYDK)

Paris Hilton…oh fuck it. I don’t even care. The only headline I’ll ever want to see is her name followed by hollowtip round to the skull. But if you’re interested, some new rich guy is banging her. (Subvert Society)

Maria Sharapova, whose name I love to say with my Russian accent (I was a spy, y’all!), is sporting some camel toe. Dibs on helping her out with that. (StarPower)

Don’t click this link unless you are prepared to weep openly at the beauty of Marissa Miller’s ass. I gotta go, it’s uh, dusty in here. (The Bastardly)

Good luck to MidWest Hotness, Tina of Glitterati while she moves into her new mansion on the lake this week (Glitterati)

Wilmer Valderrama has apparently had sex with every actress in Hollywood. The Bosh reports that he boasted recently on The Howard Stern show that he has a large penis, took Mandy Moore’s virginity and had sex with Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Lindsay Lohan.

Wilmer Valderrama, one of the stars of “That ‘70s Show” as well as the host of the upcoming MTV program, “Yo Momma,” visited the Howard Stern show to talk about banging young starlets. Wilmer revealed that his penis is over 8 inches long.

Wilmer mentioned that he dated Lindsay Lohan for more than a year and that the rumor that he dumped her for Ashlee Simpson wasn’t true.Wilmer claimed that he took Mandy Moore’s virginity, Howard wondered if sex with her was difficult at first. Wilmer told Howard that the sex was “really good” with Mandy, but also acknowledged that it wasn’t “like warm apple pie.”

Howard said that he had a list of women with whom Wilmer allegedly has had sex and wanted his thoughts on each of them. The first name Howard mentioned was Jennifer Love Hewitt, who Wilmer replied “was an eight.” However, Wilmer claimed that the other three girls Howard brought up – Jamie Presley, Rosario Dawson and Jessica Alba – were just friends of his and that he’s never been physical with any of them.(source)

I really don’t know what to say about this except, WTF? The thought of Fez writhing and fumbling all over sweet little Mandy Moore makes me want to smash my forehead repeatedly with the round end of a ball-peen hammer in efforts to destroy that image. I would rather watch puppies drown in a septic tank than see that Wilmer has implausibly banged yet another hot starlet. Whiny, sunken eyed ghouls like Wilmer, used to get their asses kicked by the even the science nerds in high school. I should know, because I was the science nerd and I totally kicked his ass. Chemistry rulez!