NSFW - Fatback Media

 

Jennifer Lopez no longer wants to be referred to as “J-Lo” fearing it only furthers her negative status as a diva. Blah, blah, who cares. Just don’t get rid of that junk in yo’ trunk, baby. I mean, no need for radical change.

Actress and singer Jennifer Lopez ditched the performing name of J-Lo, in a bid to dump her reputation as a diva.

The 37-year-old, famous for being demanding and stroppy, said her alter-ego was meant to be fun but “got out of control and really crazy”.She added: “That’s all gone with the ridiculous stories about me throwing tantrums and insisting on Egyptian sheets. That’s all firmly in my past.” (source)

Silly, J-Lo. Don’t you know you’ll never be known otherwise in spite of your efforts? It’s like that fat kid in 1st grade with spaghetti stains on his shirt that ate all the lunches during nap time. He’ll always be known as Fatty. Or that slutty girl in high school who used to help “excercise”  the football team underneath the bleachers in exchange for prom queen nominations. I’ll never live that down. Err, I mean, she’ll never live that down. Oh go fuck yourselves. Here’s some more J-Lo in Italian Vanity Fair. Bon Jovi, questo di pasta! Mortadella!

Paris Hilton never ceases to 1. amaze me, b. be naked, or Stardate 2517.09. be a filthy spoiled whore. That said, I think if she were held a little more as a child she probably wouldn’t be such a drugged out whore. She would just be a plain old vanilla whore like the rest of us. Speaking of filthy vanilla whores, here’s an oldie but nudey pic of Paris’s’s’s’s mom classin’ up tha jizzoint with some Baby Boomer titties. Rrreow. I love Cat Stevens. And apostrophes’.

• Sophia Bush at the Young Hollywood Top 20. Just because. (Bastardly)
• J-Lo’s dad is a Scientologist and a maker of hot latin asses. (Socialite’s Life)
• Eva Longoria is kind of a bitch. (Celeb Gossip Junkie)
• Pink says fur is for fatties. Kinda like her beave. (Pop on the Pop)
• Paris Hilton somehow remaina slutty after all these years. With VIDEO! (DS)
• Here’s QuiteFamo.us the Celebrity Search Engine. (QuiteFamo.us)
• Isaiah Washingtn is in Rehab for for being a bigot? But I thought he loved CRACK(ers)? (TMZ)
• Naked Collge Girl Boobies to crash your work internet filters. (College Humor)

Jennifer Lopez is considering the doctrine of Scientology to help her conceive. Superhot Socialite’s Life has the deets…

The MAID IN MANHATTAN star, who recently attended the Italian wedding of top celebrity Scientologist TOM CRUISE, is reportedly taking tips from actress LEAH REMINI, who used the religion’s doctrines when she was trying to conceive her first child. According to American publication Life + Style, Lopez became interested in Scientology when Remini confided in her that the religion helped her conceive. An insider tells the publication, “She’s starting to understand the cleansing process. It’s all about putting the positive energy where you want it.” The source insists Lopez and her husband MARC ANTHONY are unlikely to join the church because he’s a devout Catholic, but “he’s willing to let Jen do what she needs to make things happen.” (From Contact Music Via source)

I think Mark Anthony may not want to join Scientology because they may find out that he made his way into this world by punching a hole through someone’s chest and crawling out. I’ve seen prettier faces on medical cadavers. Eeek. I don’t “get” Scientology. I usually cleanse myself with the positive energy of a strappy pair of Jimmy Choos and a deep tissue massage (with release) using a stolen credit card.  But not yours. We’re friends like that.
 

Jennifer Lopez was recently accused of practicing Santeria by her ex-husband Ojani Noa. In a court deposition this week Noa claimed that Lopez used the mystic practices of Santeria to influence him and others to do her will.

Her former husband, Ojani Noa, claims J.Lo cast “voodoo” spells on him and other lovers. After their marriage ended, “She was doing bad things to a lot of people,” Noa alleged in his deposition, according to Court TV.

“She was doing all this religious bullshit to me, to [second husband] Cris [Judd], to Puffy [Combs], to [current husband Marc] Anthony,” according to Noa.

Lopez and her publicist declined to comment on the charges yesterday.

Noa stated that Lopez practices a form of spiritualism known as Santeria or Brujeria, which draws on an African tradition of chanting, trance states and animal sacrifice. The practice is common in the Caribbean islands and also common in the Bronx, New York from where J Lo hails.(source)

First of all, Voodoo (or more properly Vodoun -Je suis diabolique!) is not Santeria, so I doubt she was using Voodoo spells on him, when Santeria spells will work just fine. Down south we have the Geechee witches and they’ll put a root (rhymes with foot) on your ass in a gullah-gullah second, chile.
I’ve always thought Jennifer Lopez was hot (I like my ladies with a little J-in-tha-T) but now that she’s a Santeria Priestess, she’s heading to the top of the list. I used date a girl from Barbados who was really into Santeria. There’s nothing sexier than waking up with a smoking hot naked woman on top of you chanting African-Spanish jibberish while shaking a bloody chicken foot at you. Wait. I would change sexier to scarier.

Kristin Cavallari drinks iced coffee dressed like a commando surfer. A sexy commando surfer. (Bricks and Stones)

Salma Hayek has great breasts. And she would like you to look down her blouse and see them. (I’m Not Obsessed)

Jared Leto has a band (for some reason) named 30 Seconds to Mars. It should be called 30 Seconds to Man-love. Get it? I’m insinuating that Jared Leto might be gay, see? (D-Listed)

J-Lo and Mark “Skeletor Grande” Anthony are officially the scariest couple EVAH. (IDLYITW)

Catherine Zeta Jones and Salma Hayek square off in a Bastardly boobie contest. Tears of joy people, tears of joy. (The Bastardly).

Lindsay Lohan wants to open a boutique in Paris where she will presumably sell compete shit to other entitled, no talent bitches. (VHT)