NSFW - Fatback Media

This is Jennifer Garner at the premier of The Kingdom a new action film in which she plays an FBI agent. I haven’t seen it yet, but I plan to because nothing would make me happier than to see Jennifer Garner holding an MP5 submachine gun and screaming for cover fire. I miss Alias.

Links for you while I fire up my Alias Season 2 DVDs.

• Soxy Lady has the video of the dude that stole Cano’s hat at the Sox Yankees game the other night. Ow. (SoxyLady)
• Afro Jacks listed the phone numer to Mystery from VH1 and Jezebel interviewed him via sexy phone call. (Jezebel)
• Hot Haley from Clemson (Klemp-Son) U. in my home state is the cute college girl of the week. (CH)
• Vanessa Hudgens is a nude teenager who can’t figure out what Tyra Banks is saying. (yeeeah)
• Jaime Pressly looking MILFy after the baby… (Bastardly)
• Jennifer Ellison lives in a bikini (Jordan)
• Paris Hilton. Fuck it. I don’t have the energy. Just click.(Allie)
• 24 is actually going to happen some in this decade! (Seriously OMG)
• Cloe Sevigny is a beautiful angel. (City Rag)
• Heidi Montag and her huge rack do something musical. (IBBB)
• Britney allegedly hired and alleged hitman to allegedly kill KFED. Allegedly. (GoT)
• Ryan Seacrest failed as a host of the Emmys. YOU FAILED. (New Chatter)

Look at me. I said ‘preggo‘. Just like those famous British tabloids who say stuff like Jacko, and Madge, and Fish -n- chips and spell words with extra o’s like favourite colour. Anyway. Although she had a baby almost a year ago and is in visibly amazing shape, Jennifer Garner is responding to rumors that she’s pregnant.

“I’m in the worst shape ever,” the size 6-8 (”definitely more an 8″) actress, 34, tells Elle magazine in its January issue. “My trainer just shakes her head and says, ‘This is a disaster.’ ”

Though she kicked butt as the star of Alias and Elektra, these days, she says, “I am as physically unfit as I’ve probably been in my whole life. It’s such a horror in front of the mirror with no clothes on.”

Lifting her sweater to reveal her midriff, she says, “You still have that little bit of extra skin, know what I mean? But still, it’s enough for people to think that you’re knocked up.” (source)

Jesus Christ, who is her trainer? A member of the Justice League? “Yeah, size 8, 120 lbs is okay… I guess…but can you fly? Loser.” Where I come from a 5′9″ southern hottie, with a body like hers who can roundhouse kick you through a wall is considered pretty fit. But then again, I grew up in a household where fried chicken was a condiment. Fatty.

Smokin’ hot new mommy and Alias alum Jennifer Garner is back in superspy shape which qualifies her for the FB&C Sexy Southern Girl of the Week (FBCSSGW). How did she get so hot so fast after having her cute-as-a-button little peanut of a baby? Why breast feeding, of course. She’s one sexy MI…wait for it…LF. Legendary.

She credits nursing, moderate exercise, and eating correctly for allowing her to lose the weight. Jennifer said, “[I lost weight] breastfeeding! That and a moderate exercise and eating plan with the help of my personal trainer.” (source)

So I guess 50 cigarettes a day, coke and all night boozing are not the way to get your figure back after having a baby. Hrm. What’s amazing about Jennifer Garner is that she just had a baby and still looks like she could kick a hole in your skull from four feet away. She’s also conspicuously not at any LA or NYC hotspots drinking till all hours and flashing the world with a razor burned scarred coochie. Which also qualifies her for FBCMILF of the century.

Ben Affleck who’s currently married to Sexy Southern MILF™ Jennifer Garner made an announcement at the recent Hollywood Awards that he was banging his baby sitter.

“The woman I have to thank is the woman who’s home tonight babysitting my daughter,” he said during his winner’s speech for Best Supporting Actor. “She’s the reason most good things have happened to me. So, to the people at my table, if I don’t come back, it’s because I went home to make love to the babysitter.” (source)

Wait. What? OOh. Ben, you devil. You were really talking about your wife Jennifer Garner. My stars, you are a hoot. And I thought Casey was the funny one. All kidding aside, Ben and Jennifer make a ridiculously cute couple. They’re like the poster children for ridiculously adorable cuteness. He seems very loving and she’s a sexy MILF who dotes on her little cute peanut of a baby. Who’s name is Violet. Cute! The only thing cuter than that would be if I were her husband and Ben Affleck was a dirty gas station attendant in South Georgia who couldn’t make change for dollar. See? Cuz I want to sleep with his wife. Get it? Ben you’re not the only one with a razor sharp wit. Zing! Here are some more shots of JennyG (we’re down like that) at the Hollywood Awards right before she went home to babysit her own kid. Perfect. Fucking.Woman.

Hey y’all. I’m back from my trip of drunken sun soaked debauchery in parts due south. Server issues and avian flu notwithstanding, the trip was mighty fine. The south never disappoints. After all the oyster shooter body shots, fried everything, miles of well tanned scantily clad beach beauties and copious amounts of beach sex I am completely exhausted. To all the accommodating folks in Wilmington, NC and Charleston, SC etc, I’d like to say thanks again, and sorry, if necessary, but we’re still friends, right? While I get back up to speed and have my blood filtered at the hospital to remove the alcohol, narcotics and crustacean neurotoxins y’all should check out these links.

The Hills is a new show that I’ll never watch that stars a chick on another show I never watched. (Bricks and Stones)

Rescue Me is a show I’d probably watch if it had more frontal nudity. Not of Dennis leary though. GMMR has an interview and some spoilers. (GMMR)

Sandra Bullock is a frump. Or probably pregnant. It wasn’t me! I had a vasectomy. Or was that a tonsillectomy? (I’m not obsessed)

Rachel Leigh Cook is my secret girlfriend. So secret, she hardly ever sees me. But, I do hide under her bed. Soft hair. So soft. 100% of all bastards agree that she should get more movie roles that involve her being naked. At my house. (The Bastardly)

Ben Affleck gets a ride to the hospital from Sydney Bristow. Diagnosis: headache. (Glitterati)

Oh yeah. shout out to sexy Wildcat, Honey Biscuit who’s moving back down south to my old stomping grounds in Greenville, SC.

Popsugar had these awesome photos of new mom Jennifer Garner before a taping of David Letterman that airs later this week. Jennifer Garner, who series Alias finishes up it’s five year run this week was somewhat reflective when asked about the show’s end.

“I feel very much like a college senior,” she said. “Kinda, ‘When will this ever end? I’m never going to get out of here!’ and at the same time, `Oh, don’t let it end. Who am I without it? I don’t want it to end! I love these people.’”(source)

Jennifer Garner couldn’t be any cuter if she was holding a basket full of pink bunnies that clucked like chickens and kittens with little wool hats on. Jennifer Garner is probably the cutest hot celebrity in Hollywood next to Reese Witherspoon. I think that if Jennifer Garner and Reese Witherspoon ever hung out and talked all southern and giggled to each other like, ” I KNOW, girl!” “I KNOW!”, it would be so cute that it would cure cancer. Here are some images of Jennifer going to the David Letterman show looking all Suth’n Sophisicate (source) and some images of Reese and Jennifer in New Orleans this close to “cute-ing” away Hurrcane Katrina’s shittiness.(source)

Tonight ABC’s Alias returns after a long hiatus due to star Jennifer Garner’s pregnancy. The 2 hour opener begins the final 4 episodes that are reported to end the series for good. ABC reports that several familiar faces will be back including the not-so-dead Michael Vaughn (Michael Vartan), Will Tippin (Bradley Cooper) and Anna Espinoza (Gina Torres). Also, it is reported that a male APO agent will be killed in a heroic way.

I have to admit that I really like Alias. It’s great show with good writing and acting that also has scantily clad hottie spy chicks kick-boxing each other on a regular basis. And hot chicks kickboxing is sexy. I keep telling my hot Eastern European chick spy friends that instead of always trying to poison my drink, or garrote me in the shower, or shoot me with a silenced Tokarev, that we should just have wild kickboxing sex threesomes (the good kind) in the interest of international relations. In a world of intrigue and danger where nothing is what it seems, no one can be trusted and your body is the only thing you can share…or trust…what else do we have?

In a follow up story to this one, it seems that some parents actually have time to take their kids to the doctor when they are injured. Recently, Violet Ann, the new daughter of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, was rushed to the hospital when her parents noticed that she was having trouble breathing.

In Touch Weekly is reporting that on April 8 the 4-month-old adorable little girl had to be rushed to a medical building in Century City, Calif.

It seems Violet was having difficulty breathing, says an insider, who adds that the baby was also tested for asthma.

The weekly tabloid cites an eyewitness that said, “Ben and Jen looked so worried. As Ben carried Violet, Jen kept peering into the blanket to check on her.” …

They got their little girl in for care and about an hour later, a much calmer family emerged, and they headed straight home with Violet.(source)(image)

I don’t have any kids, but I’m reasonably sure that if they were having trouble breathing or say, had a cracked skull, I would probably take them to the hospital right away. Especially if the hospital was near the all-nude strip club like it is my neighborhood. Two birds. One stone.

I’m pretty psyched that Alias is finally coming back next week after the long hiatus because my quotient of spy hotties has been low lately. Unless you count my Swedish ice skater girlfriend. But she technically doesn’t count because she really didn’t have to defect from Sweden like I made her do. I just told her that so I could bang her and make her cook for me. Jennifer Garner is super-sexy spy heat- even after the baby. Matter of fact, I think she may be a little hotter now that she has little more up front. And I’m an ass man. Well, ass and boobies. Ooh, and teeth. They gotta have ‘em all. I’m sophisticated like that. And now. Spy hotness.