NSFW – Fatback Media

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Uh, what? This bitch talked for thirty seconds and I have no idea what the fuck she just said. Caitlin Upton better be glad she’s hot. She’ll find that will help her when she’s ends up stripping in Vegas.

Emilie de Ravin nude, mates. Except this is the nude that people who purport know such things call art, whereas the girls in the cheap magazines that don’t get the pimples on their asses photoshopped out are called pornography – the former being naked girls with the pink bits covered up and the latter being naked girls with the pink bits in full panoply. Both are photographed by the same sleezy photographer but one gets the black & white filter applied and hangs under glass in galleries where people sip champagne they can’t pronounce and try to have conversations about parallax and the various lenses one needs for this sort of thing. The other gets stapled into a glossy pulp bi-fold and is relegated to a life behind a brown cardboard blind at the magazine stand that keeps small children from being assailed with views of the naughty bits.

 

After literally skating on drug possession, reckless driving, and several other charges, Lindsay Lohan has copped a plea for two DUI arrests and she’s going to do time. She gets credit for 1 day served and she’ll have to 10 hours of community service and she’ll have to be incarcerated for 24 hours. One. Fucking. Day. Oh, and somehow in LA County DUI is not a felony. In my home town down south, it’s a felony to have beers on the beach, even if you’re sitting right in front of your own beach house. The great thing about all this is that Lindsay’s mother, Dina Lohan sees the gravity of this situation and is stepping up as a parent. Wait, no. She’s acting like an oblivious, self-absorbed, has-been whore living vicariously (and tragically) through her daughter in whom she is both bitterly jealous and financially dependent.

“My children and I are in a wonderful place in our lives,” Dina told 24Sizzler.com Thursday evening, “and people just want to make things up and see us fail!” (Source)

No Dina. We can’t make shit like this up. Fucking Shakespeare couldn’t make shit like this up and half of his tragic heroines slept with a close family member on accident or killed someone and all them ended up dead at an early age. With a parent like you, I almost feel sorry for Lindsay Lohan. But then I remember that she says stuff like “I’m a celebrity, I can do whatever the fuck I want”.  Here’s the rub…she can. Dun dun DUNNN.

Well it’s refreshing to see that advertisers have decided to go the high road and not take a barely legal teenager and exploit her using sexually suggestive imagery with and try to mitigate it with a ridiculous sappy tagline. Except, OHMYGOD not really. What the hell? An alter boy with a priest’s nutsack in his mouth isn’t this suggestive. Instead of Got Milk?, it should be Got Facial, Lolita? 

Links for the chickenhawks.

• Lindsay Lohan goes free. Surprise! STFU. (Notorious)
• Jenna Jameson says something about porn or her implants or something. I liked her better with a dick in her mouth. (Yeeeah)
• Tom Brady’s bastard was born today. (IDLYITW)
• Jennifer Aniston is destined to die alone with 50 cats. (Holy Candy)
• Mariah Carey nude and naked to get your SEO on. (City Rag)
• Pink’s marriage is A-OK. At  least that’s what she said after blowing me last night. (Evil Beet)
• Kate Walsh is hot Irish American action, but she’s going off the market. (Bumpshack)
• Rick Springfield lives! (Allie)
• Jessica Biel in FHM France. Mais Oui. (Bastardly)
• Britney might kidnap her own kids, but in her defense she thought that meant sleepy time. (Celebitchy)
• Giselle underboob. (Jordan)
• The Little Mermaid brings it’s cock-like buildings to Broadway. (SeriouslyOMG)
• Let the sunshine in on your painted hippie tits. (CH)