Merry Christmas in July! I don’t know who came up with that concept but I bet that person was probably addicted to internet porn. Speaking of. This chick’s name is Allie and at first glance, I thought she was this chick Nikki that I went to high school with in Myrtle Beach. Upon further investigation it turns out she’s not a naughty amateur with a camera happy boyfriend. She’s a fucking pro. This chick is literally down for anything. You can see more of her here. And by more, I mean you’d better bring towel and an appetite.

It’s Memorial Day time kids and that means hot chicks at the beach. So what better time to showcase all the naked submissions for our “Real Nude at the Beach” promo? Basically we asked our readers to send in naked pictures of themselves at the beach and we would post them for everyone to see. We got a huge response. Unfortunately, we failed to mention that we only wanted female submissions. Sorry guys. And eww.

These are all the submitted images of real live, non model female naked beach pictures. Although some of these are genuinely from hottie readers, I have a feeling that most of these were submitted by dudes and some of them don’t appear to be recent. So if you see your mom in here somewhere, don’t blame us.

PS. one of these naked chicks is my girlfriend. True Story.

Rebecca Romijin just turned 35 and god damn if she doesn’t get hotter every year. These are from ads for La Perla, an Italian company that makes sexy lingerie for married dudes to buy their hot girlfriends. I never saw what the big deal about lingerie was. I mean it’s underwear. Why french it all up? If you’re to the point where your clothes are off except for your underwear ladies, most dudes are gonna bang you even without the embroidered silk butterflies on your thong. It’s kinda overkill. Lingerie ads like this are made for 2 reasons:

1. Rich dudes with mistresses
2. Masturbation

Rebecca Romijin isn’t anyone’s mistress though, she married to (lucky bastard) Jerry O’Connell, the fat kid from Stand By Me, who probably still masturbates to her after they have sex. I know I do. This is a good time.

You know what makes a model super or an awesomely hot chick even more awesomer? Naked boobies. Estella Warren has been in most people’s SI Swimsuit edition spank bank for years, but did you know she is also an accomplished actress? She’s been in films like Driven, Kangaroo Jack, Planet of the Apes and …um. Did I mention she’s naked? I’m not saying that hot models shouldn’t act, I’m saying it’s better if they’re seen but not heard. Like a kitten!

Links for you thespians.

• Kate Moss Doing Coke (LG)
• Gadgets for you drunks out there (Crave)
• Today’s Big Thing! What will it be?!? (TBT)
• Scientology Holiday Card (Yeeeah)
• Celebrity Look-a-likes will make you feel special if you bang them. (Allie)
• Russel Simmons’ baby sitter is hot. Good night, God bless. (DS)
• Olga Kuylenko is hot and easter european, and she is creating a internet loop. (Bastardly)

I’m from down south, and down south they say, “you’ve got to stand for something.” I don’t remember how the rest goes because I don’t listen to my elders, I don’t go to church and don’t generally listen to country music which pretty much means I have no moral compass. Which has worked out so far. But that’s not good enough for the devil – or record producers in Nashville.

The thing that’s fucking all that up is hot chicks like The Wreckers singing country music. I’m pretty sure I was going to hell anyway but I planned on hitch hiking and taking my time. This puts me on the quick path to eternal Hellfire in the passenger seat of a demon Peterbuilt that runs on white crosses and Jack Daniels. It’s kinda like how the Republicans convinced middle America that helping the rich get richer and the poor get poorer was what Jesus wanted and that mini-vans are cool and NASCAR is a sport. Except here, the devil is convincing me that it’s okay to listen to country music by using hot chicks with angelic voices who dress like gypsies and have nose rings. I’m a sucker for a hard livin’, gypsy chick with a hard luck story and a nose ring. True story.

Links, for the damned.

• Check out Today’s Big Thing. (TBT)
• Cheryl Tweedy Cole singing because she is apparently person who sings (Drunken Stepfather)
• 10 ways to save money money on dates. You cheap bastard. (Crave)
• Kiera Knightly nude. She looks like me at 12. Nice rack. (Yeeeah)
• America’s Top model is still on? (IBBB)
• Rumer Willis is the Bizzaro Willis. (Allie)
• Lauren Conrad bikini pics for the Republicans. (Jordan)
• Linda Cardellini still refusing to show her sweet rack. (Bastardly)