NSFW - Fatback Media

Merry Christmas in July! I don’t know who came up with that concept but I bet that person was probably addicted to internet porn. Speaking of. This chick’s name is Allie and at first glance, I thought she was this chick Nikki that I went to high school with in Myrtle Beach. Upon further investigation it turns out she’s not a naughty amateur with a camera happy boyfriend. She’s a fucking pro. This chick is literally down for anything. You can see more of her here. And by more, I mean you’d better bring towel and an appetite.

It’s Memorial Day time kids and that means hot chicks at the beach. So what better time to showcase all the naked submissions for our “Real Nude at the Beach” promo? Basically we asked our readers to send in naked pictures of themselves at the beach and we would post them for everyone to see. We got a huge response. Unfortunately, we failed to mention that we only wanted female submissions. Sorry guys. And eww.

These are all the submitted images of real live, non model female naked beach pictures. Although some of these are genuinely from hottie readers, I have a feeling that most of these were submitted by dudes and some of them don’t appear to be recent. So if you see your mom in here somewhere, don’t blame us.

PS. one of these naked chicks is my girlfriend. True Story.

Rebecca Romijin just turned 35 and god damn if she doesn’t get hotter every year. These are from ads for La Perla, an Italian company that makes sexy lingerie for married dudes to buy their hot girlfriends. I never saw what the big deal about lingerie was. I mean it’s underwear. Why french it all up? If you’re to the point where your clothes are off except for your underwear ladies, most dudes are gonna bang you even without the embroidered silk butterflies on your thong. It’s kinda overkill. Lingerie ads like this are made for 2 reasons:

1. Rich dudes with mistresses
2. Masturbation

Rebecca Romijin isn’t anyone’s mistress though, she married to (lucky bastard) Jerry O’Connell, the fat kid from Stand By Me, who probably still masturbates to her after they have sex. I know I do. This is a good time.

You know what makes a model super or an awesomely hot chick even more awesomer? Naked boobies. Estella Warren has been in most people’s SI Swimsuit edition spank bank for years, but did you know she is also an accomplished actress? She’s been in films like Driven, Kangaroo Jack, Planet of the Apes and …um. Did I mention she’s naked? I’m not saying that hot models shouldn’t act, I’m saying it’s better if they’re seen but not heard. Like a kitten!

Links for you thespians.

• Kate Moss Doing Coke (LG)
• Gadgets for you drunks out there (Crave)
• Today’s Big Thing! What will it be?!? (TBT)
• Scientology Holiday Card (Yeeeah)
• Celebrity Look-a-likes will make you feel special if you bang them. (Allie)
• Russel Simmons’ baby sitter is hot. Good night, God bless. (DS)
• Olga Kuylenko is hot and easter european, and she is creating a internet loop. (Bastardly)

I’m from down south, and down south they say, “you’ve got to stand for something.” I don’t remember how the rest goes because I don’t listen to my elders, I don’t go to church and don’t generally listen to country music which pretty much means I have no moral compass. Which has worked out so far. But that’s not good enough for the devil - or record producers in Nashville.

The thing that’s fucking all that up is hot chicks like The Wreckers singing country music. I’m pretty sure I was going to hell anyway but I planned on hitch hiking and taking my time. This puts me on the quick path to eternal Hellfire in the passenger seat of a demon Peterbuilt that runs on white crosses and Jack Daniels. It’s kinda like how the Republicans convinced middle America that helping the rich get richer and the poor get poorer was what Jesus wanted and that mini-vans are cool and NASCAR is a sport. Except here, the devil is convincing me that it’s okay to listen to country music by using hot chicks with angelic voices who dress like gypsies and have nose rings. I’m a sucker for a hard livin’, gypsy chick with a hard luck story and a nose ring. True story.

Links, for the damned.

• Check out Today’s Big Thing. (TBT)
• Cheryl Tweedy Cole singing because she is apparently person who sings (Drunken Stepfather)
• 10 ways to save money money on dates. You cheap bastard. (Crave)
• Kiera Knightly nude. She looks like me at 12. Nice rack. (Yeeeah)
• America’s Top model is still on? (IBBB)
• Rumer Willis is the Bizzaro Willis. (Allie)
• Lauren Conrad bikini pics for the Republicans. (Jordan)
• Linda Cardellini still refusing to show her sweet rack. (Bastardly)

Sophie Anderton, the beautiful model you see here, just got fired from a £100,000 a year modeling job for offering to have sex with an undercover agent for £10,000. Which, when you ask Google about those funny L’s, that means she lost a $200K job by offering to bang a reporter for $20K. Which is awesome.

The shamed former I’m A Celebrity star was dropped by Fake Bake yesterday after it was revealed she had was filmed snorting cocaine before she stripped and offered sex to an undercover reporter for £10,000 at a flat in Mayfair, London.

A spokesperson for Fake Bake said: “We operate a no-tolerance policy towards drug use so feel we have been left with no alternative than to terminate Sophie’s contract.”

*** Sophie was also reported to have asked the News of the World reporter if he wanted cocaine – and snorted lines in front of him.

As she lay near-naked on the bed, she is alleged to have boasted about her sexual exploits and claimed she had to resort to selling her body in order to pay for a new house.

Sophie boasted: “I’m great at sex. I’ll look great on your fucking arm. I’m a supermodel.”

And Sophie – who has claimed in the past to have beaten her drugs habit – hinted she would happily do a threesome with a female pal if the price was right. (source) (videos here)

Wait. Reporter? They have undercover reporters who bust prostitutes? Fucking British. If I was sent undercover to do a story on this and when I got there Sophie Anderton was doing lines off her naked breasts and offering to go 3-way with me, I’m pretty sure my editor would have gotten a piece on how to get a kitten out of tree. As a serious journalist, saving kittens is extremely important to me. Just like threesomes with coked out supermodels. More Sophie in her grandmother’s swimsuit and Sophie Anderton naked after the jump.

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This is the perpetually nude Joanna Krupa in her new calendar which features her nude - of all things. Normally, I would rail against this type of thing because it’s just this sort of objectification of women that is perpetuating the cycle of anorexic young girls whoring it up to over-stimulated testosterone fueled meatheads in a society where the “bitch-slap” is in common parlance. But, you know, I really like her tits. Bitch.

Links, sugar.

• How to drive like an asshole. Or “How to be from Massachusetts” (Crave)
• How to score with chicks. (CO)
• Revenge is sweet. And cold. (College Humor)
• Britney got the clap…in her eye. Whore. (Yeeeah)
• Britney Spears is fucking lady, bitches. (Allie)
• Kat Von D’s vagina. Whoever the fuck that is. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Eva Mendes will be mine bitches. (Bastardly)
• Paris Hilton. Stupid Rich Whore Philanthropist. (IBBB)
• Laura Weston is smoking hot, mate. (FHM)
• J-LO-Hew gots some big ass tit-tays. (Notorious)

Raw Vegas Video of Marisa Miller (Sorry can’t make the GD video plugin work this.)

You what I love more than hot models in bikinis? Naked models. That said, what’s up with this whole Blackwater USA situation and how did that affect the food for oil campaign a few years ago. I mean we have as many “private security” soldiers on the ground in Iraq as we do full-time military. Can they serve two masters? Or do they all serve one? Compelling questions deserve compelling answers. Like why is Marisa Miller not naked all the time?Links of you made it this far.

• Maxim hometown hottie self portraits (drunken stepfather)
• Abagail Clancy still British, still hot and half nude. (FHM)
• Rachel and Legolas? (Yeeeah)
• Alicia Keys looks hot, but I liked her better as a lesbian hooker hit (wo)man. (allie)
• Celebs are just like us! They love tacos too! (City rag)
• America Fererra keeps getting hotter.Fuck yeah! (Evil beet)
• Kim Cattrall decided to stop being a whore. (Gossip or Truth)
• Cute college girl of the week is from my alma mater. Go cocks! (college humor)
• Starts are just like us! They wreck motorcycles too! (Glitterati)
• DemiMoore is old as fuck. But I’d still hit it. (Seriously OMG)
• J-Lo is a shitty dresser. I bet she’s a great Ottoman. (Bumpshack)
• Abi Titmuss is hot and her name sounds dirty. (Bastardly)
• Um, Jordan showing her box again. (Jordan)
• Meg White sex tape in case you missed it. TOTALLY her dude. (Notorious)

So the reports of the Kim Kardashian Playboy shoot appear to be true. According to Us Magazine she’ll be on the December 2007 cover and inside she’ll be in a 12 page spread. Get it?

A Playboy source tells Us that Kardashian’s shoot reveals more than originally planned. Though her body is mostly draped in sheets and jewelry, the source says that Kardashian “will show one boob, and her bare butt.” (source)

Well, most of us have seen every inch of her already so the Playboy spread probably won’t raise too many eyebrows. Playboy is not exactly known for capturing staggering reality, so the pictures are likely to be so photoshopped that she’ll end up looking like Sienna Miller in a pirate outfit. Personally, I like my pornography with some veritas. I don’t need some art student trying to make me see the dichotomy of beauty and war by dressing a girl in scarves and photographing her on an oil tanker, I wanna see full-on raw nudity shot in someone’s shitty apartment with a Fuji Quicksnap. With penetration and cumshots and tears. Like real life!

This is Jennifer Garner at the premier of The Kingdom a new action film in which she plays an FBI agent. I haven’t seen it yet, but I plan to because nothing would make me happier than to see Jennifer Garner holding an MP5 submachine gun and screaming for cover fire. I miss Alias.

Links for you while I fire up my Alias Season 2 DVDs.

• Soxy Lady has the video of the dude that stole Cano’s hat at the Sox Yankees game the other night. Ow. (SoxyLady)
• Afro Jacks listed the phone numer to Mystery from VH1 and Jezebel interviewed him via sexy phone call. (Jezebel)
• Hot Haley from Clemson (Klemp-Son) U. in my home state is the cute college girl of the week. (CH)
• Vanessa Hudgens is a nude teenager who can’t figure out what Tyra Banks is saying. (yeeeah)
• Jaime Pressly looking MILFy after the baby… (Bastardly)
• Jennifer Ellison lives in a bikini (Jordan)
• Paris Hilton. Fuck it. I don’t have the energy. Just click.(Allie)
• 24 is actually going to happen some in this decade! (Seriously OMG)
• Cloe Sevigny is a beautiful angel. (City Rag)
• Heidi Montag and her huge rack do something musical. (IBBB)
• Britney allegedly hired and alleged hitman to allegedly kill KFED. Allegedly. (GoT)
• Ryan Seacrest failed as a host of the Emmys. YOU FAILED. (New Chatter)