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Damn, Jessica Simpson. Those cheese and mayonnaise sandwiches have been working. The only time it’s ever good for a girl to get fat and happy, is if a) she had an eating disorder and b) her boobs get fucking enormous. I hear that she and John Mayer have broken up, but the happy time did her (and us) some good. I mean, her hair looks like she colored it with a Lemon Sport Snapple and the dress is borderline ridiculous… Wait. No. It’s totally ridiculous. But I can’t hold that against her because of the giant rack.

The same thing happens at Hooters. I tell myself, the slutty girls are just flirty to get my money. And no matter how much I spend, they will not flash their rack at me, much less give me a hand job. (PS. I found that last one out the hard way. Apparently there is some law?) A great rack can cancel out busted up features. Like that girl at the drive through with DD’s. It’s an ancient magical balancing effect that makes greasy haired slutty chicks hot. I can’t explain it. What am I a sorcerer? Magic LINKS!

Update: I’m usually not paranoid but if that dude up there keeps staring at me, I might have to unleash the fury.

• Six Degrees of Britney’s vagina. (Celebrity Hubris)
• Maria Menounos is pretty hot. Way better than Billy Bush. (Bastardly)
• Awesome video of a chick trying out her new stripper pole. If by awesome you mean she falls on her head. (Ebaums)
• Jesus interviewed Rachel Style from Ugly Betty. She’s nerd hot. Or just hot. And you’re a nerd. (DS)
• Speaking of boobies, I think you’re sister who’s away at school has a hot rack. (CH)
• Avril Lavigne is a pissy little bitch. (Yeeeah)
• Britney Spears is trying to be a diva when she needs to sit back and enjoy the fact that we alsmost think she’s hot again. (Bump shack)

Jenna Fischer (Pam Beesly on The Office) busted her ass coming out the LA restaurant Buddkan Monday night and broke four bones in her spine. I’m not trying to be funny. She really busted her ass.

The pretty brunette was celebrating her series being renewed Monday night with friends when she slipped on the restaurant’s marble steps and fractured four bones in her back. A friend said she spent the night in St. Vincent’s hospital and had to cancel an appearance on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” and a Harper’s Bazaar shoot. Fischer’s rep, Lewis Kay, said yesterday she’s “doing much better and is resting at her hotel. Her husband [director James Gunn] flew in to be with her.” (source)

Normally I would be mean and make a sexist joke about how most of the girls I sleep with end up with back trouble too, but that’s never really made sense to me. Besides they have to sign a waiver before they can get into the trapeze sling. Anyway. I think Jenna Fischer is cute a button and my friend Kathie says she’s nice as can be. Plus she has a filthy mouth and I fucking love that. I hope she gets better soon. Because that sling is fucking dangerous, girl. I hope you have AFLAC. Here’s some more of Jenna with an unbroken back.