NSFW - Fatback Media

Padma Lakshmi and controversial British author Salman Rushdie are getting a divorce. In case you missed it, because who gives a shit, Padma Lakshmi and Salman Rushidie got married in 2004. Salman Rushdie is the author of The Satanic Verses which caused a fatwa for his death to be issued by the Ayatollah Khomeini a while back and Padma Lakshmi is a model turned chef and tv host as well as the newly elected senator and former Queen of Naboo.

British author Salman Rushdie and his wife Padma Lakshmi, host of TV show “Top Chef,” are getting divorced, his spokeswoman said on Monday, just two weeks after he was awarded a controversial knighthood.

Rushdie, 60, is best known for his novel “The Satanic Verses,” which outraged many Muslims and sparked death threats that forced him to live in hiding for nine years.

He married Lakshmi, a former model born in 1970 in India, in 2004. She was his fourth wife and the couple had no children. (source)

Hm. Wonder why that didn’t work out? Padma Lakshmi is a smoking hot chef/model/tv host who looks like she could cook a mean curry right after stealing some documents from the embassy just in time to lie nude on the bearskin rug in front of the fire and Salman Rushdie looks like he would say “Jedi mind tricks don’t work on me…only money…”. This story would be boring except I love Indian food and nudity. And now Salman Rushdie nude. Except not.

Newsflash: Nicole is still skinny. Except now she might be not eating for two. Rumors are stirring that Nicole might be preggers.

Richie recently underwent a series of tests, including blood and urine screenings, reports Life and Style, which reports that the tests “confirmed she is pregnant.”

Richie’s rep didn’t respond to requests for comment from either L&S or The Scoop, but on May 30, the star was photographed at a reproductive clinic, and the mag quotes an “insider” as saying, “Nicole’s determined to get healthy for her own sake and the baby’s.” (source)

How is that even physiologically possible? I’m pretty sure in order to carry a baby, you need to have some percentage of body fat and Nicole’s -7% isn’t cutting it. Furthermore, who the fuck could be coked-out, booze saturated and/or have received enough blunt force trauma to bang that bag of bones?

Well, if she is pregnant then the baby could theoretically survive by eating Nicole’s entrails until it finally just rips its way out and goes after Ripley. Ease down, you’re just grinding transaxle.

UPDATE: The NY Post says she’s a fat fatty.

Someone give that girl some soul food. I mean, she’s been to Africa, and that’s the mother of all souls but girlfriend needs some sammies. I’ve got a cure for that flat ass and those bony arms; it’s called fried chicken and sweet potato pie. Maybe you’ve heard of it? It’s not that she isn’t gorgeous. She’s got that motherly glow, totally in-love, blood drinker thing going for her; it’s just that if you take away those 15 pounds of hair and 9 pound lips, you’re left with a skeleton with some gnarly tattoos in expensive shoes.

Here are a few pics of her the Oceans 13 premiere. Enjoy Angelina Skeletor at your own leisure.

{Ed. note: I don’t know Em, she still has her rack. Other than that she’s real fat fatty.-Fatback} 

Here’s Emily Scott at a Lipton Tea promo something or other looking bookishly hot. If there are two things I know a lot about, it’s hot women and iced tea. For example unsweetened tea is just wrong and you never mix tea with alcohol. I also know that putting a librarian outfit on and wearing glasses makes you 79.68% smarter, especially if your rack is hanging out. Scientific fact to 4 significant figures.

Speaking of iced tea: what the fuck is chai? Is it tea? Is it coffee? Everyone at Starbucks gets chai now and gives me that “Oh, you’re still drinking coffee? Why don’t you rape an orphaned, cripple with cancer you ASSHOLE?!” look when I order a latte. I just got used to being smug to Dunkin Donuts people and now I’m getting abuse from chai drinkers? Like I need this. More scientifically proven hotness from Emily Scott.

Hope you all had a successful Memorial Day weekend. Meaning you got drunk, ate too much and you’re now reading this with a Starbucks and and a hangover. I supported the troops this Memorial Day Weekend by doing a lot of All American activities like: drinking canned light beer, eating fried food, attending an outdoor concert in without sunscreen, talking loudly to foreigners to make them understand me better and urinating in a public park.

These paparazzi quality photos of Grace Potter were taken at Boston’s Earth Fest over the weekend. I’m thinking about adding a ridiculous watermark just to give them some street creds. In case you don’t know who Grace Potter is, she’s the tiny little girl in these pictures who is PLAYING A FLYING V GUITAR and making your girlfriend want to sleep with her. Her shows are like watching raw sexual soul being crafted up from a rock demon who ties an M-60 to your balls. That last part happens when you tell your date, “Of course I would hit that. DUH.”

• X-17 PWNED Perez Hilton. Again. FINISH HIM! (Evil beet)
• Anna Kournikova is single. Dibs. (Gabsmash)
• Justin Timberlake continues on his quest to piss me off with Jessica Biel. (Allie)
• Lindsay Lohan still drunken, whorish. (Bumpshack)
• John Mayer can’t quit those DD’s. (Celebrity Hubris)
• Heather Locklear in a bikini.God damn. (Bastardly)
• Rhianna in lingerie. (DS)
• Jessica Alba is chilly. (Ninja Dude)
• Keira Knightly may play Princess Dianna. (D-Listed)
• Lindsay Lohan puke. (Yeeeah)
• Grace Potter on Youtube (Youtube)
• Kym Johnson dances into my heart (FHM)

More Grace Potter rocking your shit.

Apparently American Idol runner-up, Katharine McPhee is more human than we thought behind that apple-cheeked smile and much talked about cleavage. She recently spoke to Blender magazine about American Idol, being labeled stuck-up and even waking up puking red wine soaked Pad Thai on herself. So refreshing. So real.

In an interview with Blender, Katharine says, while touring can be tiring, “the good outweighs the bad. Even if I think to myself, ‘Oh, man, I gotta sing ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ again?’ I see the little faces smiling at me and they’re all excited, so it becomes new to me.”

While that’s very sweet, she also shows that she’s human. Some “non-fans” may think she’s “overly confident or stuck-up” or “a snob,” Katharine says, “because during Idol I would talk back to the judges. Trust me, I could’ve said a lot worse things.” She also says she’s “a big flirt. It doesn’t get me into trouble — well, maybe it does sometimes. But yeah, I just love men.”

When asked about the last time she vomited, Katherine says, “I don’t think people want to read that. [Laughs] I’m supposed to be the sweet all-American girl from American Idol.” But she relents and explains that she visited a friend and drank a bunch of wine, and says, “I remember barfing all night long. I would wake up and I would already have barfed, and I didn’t even know I was barfing. And to top it off, everything was just bright purple. Like, the pad Thai noodles were purple.” (source)

Wow. She said that while being photographed for a “sexy” Blender layout? That just takes the sex appeal right off that whole conversation. It’s like if you were on a bear skin rug naked with a super model pouring champagne all over each other and you start talking dirty and kissing and then she leans in to kiss you and says,”Don’t you think your mom is sexy. She’s always had a really hot ass. Mmmmm.” Buzz. Kill.

Speaking of… What the hell happened to Katharine McPhee’s rack? I know she’s been dressing like 20’s flapper lately, but this dress is basically draped across what should be a voluptuous display of boobies. And yet, I’m turning my monitor left and right and I can’t see anything. It looks like she starved the boobies right off her body. She has a good voice and all and she seems nice enough but I think we all know what takes to make in this business. And to think just a year ago her rack crashed my server. Give this girl some groceries.

Paris Hilton’s whining again because the public thinks she’s a whore promiscuous. Apparently, she has morals. And an appetite.

Although the Stars Are Blind singer became famous after a sex tape she filmed with former boyfriend RICK SOLOMON was released on the internet in 2003, she says she doesn’t deserve her racy reputation.

She tells Seventeen magazine, “People shouldn’t judge me and assume that’s how I am.

“I get in so many fights with guys who are like, ‘In public, you are the sexiest sex symbol, but you’re not sexual at all at home.’ “I’m like, ‘Whatever, shut up. I don’t wanna be.’ I’d rather watch a movie or LOST, or like, eat.” (source)

Everyone’s a critic. I totally get aggravated when people assume I’m easy because I strut around in sheer, short dresses with straps that are always too loose thus showing my left tit and my bedroom acrobatics are spread via broadband Internet feed and when I show my “naughty” zone every time I get in and out of the fucking car. I’d totally rather be eating a lettuce wedge and a grapefruit rind watching mindless TV than gallivanting around LA’s chicest nightclubs with famous starlets and billionaire heirs. I just wanna be me! Totally.

OK kids, back to work time. Thanksgiving was awesome. I spent the holidays up north in Connecticut with my Swedish Cross Country Skier girlfriend, her crazy Swedish family and their cute-as-a-button accents. And by crazy, I mean completely normal. They don’t really deserve to celebrate Thanksgiving though, since they’re foreigners. After all, it was red blooded, American NASCAR fans who created Thanksgiving for God and all the pilgrims and shit, but [my girlfriend's family] are all so pretty and blond that I told them I would make an exception for them. Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for the things that we appreciate in our lives. Unless you’re a dirty foreigner, then you just get to watch, sukkas! So I compiled a little list of the things I am thankful for. I invite you to suck it in the event that you don’t give a shit. I give thanks that:

I give thanks that southern people figured out years ago that anything, anything can be eaten if it is fried properly.I am thankful that I can ram a pound of salt cured bacon up a turkey’s ass and fry it till its golden brown, then eat it served with fried potatoes, fried (green) tomatoes, fried okra, fried pickles, fried fish, fried cheese and a fried human baby (well..just the breast the dark meat is a little game-y)

I am thankful that I will not be eating with my own relatives this year. Why? Well…

A typical Thanksgiving at my house involves any or all of the following:Chainsaw fights, trailer parks, Kool Menthols, corn liquor, black eyes, screaming babies, cigarette burns, paroled felons, post traumatic stress disorder, burned food, burned people, shotgun blasts, divorcees, incest and/or burying a body.

In case you have any doubts, the paragraphs you are about to read actually happened at Thanksgiving when I was in high school and the details are so vivid in my mind that I can write it down without pausing for: One.Single.Second.

For Thanksgiving, when I was in the twelfth grade I went to see my mom and her current husband (number four!) at the mobile home trailer where they lived. Both were divorcees several times over, so they really hit it off when they were partnered together on the local police force. ‘K’, my step dad for the season, had two brothers - twins - who had come back from Vietnam with two bullet wounds each, and nice big cases Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. “Ronny” and “Donny” had really taken to the VA benefits and after an early parole for involuntary manslaughter decided that their efforts were best served by brewing their own corn liquor moonshine on the back-side of the trailer property near the woods.

On Thanksgiving eve, I was introduced to Ronny’s wife Etta and her new black eye. “Fell while cooking”, she said. Etta flagrantly nursed one of her three year old twins while the other screamed bloody murder because the cat had scratched off her gauze eye patch and opened the scab. Jezzie ( that’s right, Jezzie), Donny’s wife quickly came to the rescue of her niece and calmed the child down. She cradled the little tyke in one arm and worked a zippo with the other hand to light a crumpled Kool menthol before offering me one. I refused, but I did ask her about her black eye. I guess these brothers do everything together.

Around the barbeque pit I was reacquainted with Chuck (a cousin, somehow) and his younger brother Steve. Steve had just gotten married to Chuck’s wife Emily’s daughter. To reacap, the bothers were married to a mother and daughter-the younger brother the to former and the older brother, to the latter. In their defense, Emily (the mother) was 40 and Angie (the daughter) was 23.

After 6 hours of kicking back Busch Lights, kept cold in the snow around the fire pit, Ronny decided that Donny had to die. Donny, not ready to give all for God and Country any more, politely asked Donny to go straight to hell.The duel was afoot. Weapon of choice: Husqvarna 22″ chainsaws.

There are no paces or gentlemanly turns in a chainsaw fight. Basically, the first one to get his engine started wins- every time. Both began yanking the starter cords at the same time, but unfortunately for Donny by the time he got two dead pulls, Ronny had flayed him open from tip of his right steel toe boot to the backside of his left ear. Ronny was covered in blood and looked like a demon in the firelight. “I heard him calling out for a medic and a chopper as I ran to call 911. The ambulance arrived right just as “K” my step dad and his mother “granny“, were deciding what to do with the body. The old brick foundry seemed to be the consensus. It took one thousand three hundred and twenty two stitches close Donny up. He was in the hospital for 7 weeks before he transferred permanently to the local VA hospital.

That year, I ate Thanksgiving dinner on the day after Thanksgiving at a Diner off I-95. I had been up for 39 hours between the all night cookout and the hospital waiting room. I had country fried steak, with gravy, mashed potatoes and two shots of Wild Turkey with Denise, my waitress, who incidentally was the sister of my cousin Steve’s wife Angie. Best. Holiday. Ever.

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Ok. Here’s the headline I woke up to today.

NFL Cheerleaders Arrested for Alleged Lesbian Sex in Bar Bathroom
According to the Observer, the police report
claims the two cheerleaders were having sex with each other in a stall
at the bar when other patrons got angry they were taking so long in the
bathroom.

Hmm. Where to start…where to start? Wait…there’s more.

Then one of the cheerleaders and another
person started arguing and the cheerleader hit that person in the face,
according to the report.

Witnesses say Angela Keathley and Renee
Thomas were engaged in some type of sexual activity inside a bathroom
stall at Banana Joe’s around 2:20 am Sunday. Another woman waiting to
use the bathroom got into an argument with the pair.

Police say Thomas punched the woman in the face. When Thomas was
arrested, she gave police the name of another Panthers cheerleader.

Wait. What? Hot cheerleader sex in a dirty bathroom that devolved into a girl fight then moved to  the county jail? That is the porn trifecta. Nothing I can say will ever top the fact that this happened in real life. These are the end of days my friend. I would get your affairs together.

UPDATE: It looks like the Panthers pulled their website this morning, or either its down due to bandwidth. I happened to grab a few images of the panther TopCats (cheerleaders). More after the jump.

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According to the National Ledger, Jennifer Aniston’s new steamy sex sex scene with co-star Clive Owen got a little rough in real life.

Access Hollywood asked the actress, “That hotel scene that you guys had was a little hot  — A lot hot!”

“Just doing my job,” Jen laughed. “All in a day’s work.”

Ray asked Jen on Monday, "I heard you got a little injured in some of those scenes?"

Jen dishes, "You mean bruised? Yes, I got some good bruises on my
legs. Look, it wasn’t pretty. But you don’t even feel it. Your
adrenalin is running so you can’t feel it."

I’ve had some pretty hot sex in my day and I am all into experimenting but I don’t think I have ever kicked a girl in the shins as part of my foreplay. But then again, I’m usually hanging from a door with a belt tied around my neck. I know what she means about the adrenalin though. Once the duct tape comes off, its all adrenalin and finger nails.