NSFW – Fatback Media

Lindsay Lohan, the completely mentally stable and totally brilliant actress of such Oscar worthy gems as Herbie: Fully Loaded, Freaky Friday and Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, recently expounded -albeit modestly- on her own acting skills as well as the acting prowess of several of her contemporaries. Actually she was wasted. And here’s how it went:

“The higher Lindsay got, the more arrogant and mean she became,” said a former party pal of the 21-year-old star. “She ranted and raved about her talent, claiming: ‘I’m the greatest actress in the world! No one’s even close to me right now!’

“And then she proceeded to viciously slam a slew of young actresses, who she considered to be her competition.”

Here’s what she said about her fellow actresses:

Scarlett Johansson is “ugly, fat and has no talent.”

Jessica Simpson “can’t sing and is dumb as (bleep).”

Sienna Miller is a “no-talent crackhead.”

Keira Knightley is “a flat, shallow, cardboard cutout of an actress.”

Jessica Biel is a “phony, scheming, joke of an actress.”(source)

I don’t know about you, but I think she’s right. She could be the greatest actor of our generation. I mean who didn’t cry n Herbie Fully Loaded when Lindsay as the trouble teen Maggie delivered this quip?

“It wasn’t me, it was Herbie.” (IMDB)

It was Herbie. It was Herbie,Lindsay. Herbie the black guy. Keep your chin up kid. As long as you stay true to your craft, you’ll always have a place in the hearts of Americans. Wait. That means having a huge rack right?

According to reports, Angelina Jolie is upset over the fact that heart recent biopic – about Mariane Pearl and her slain husband, journalist Daniel Pearl – was box office failure.

According to a source close to Angelina Jolie, 32, the actress is “devastated” by the audience rejection of her movie A Mighty Heart (it has earned just $9 million).

“She poured her heart into the story and can’t believe people don’t understand how important it is,” the insider tells Us Weekly in this week’s issue. (source)

Angelina, wanna guess why nobody went to see it? WE KNOW THE ENDING. We saw the whole gruesome thing play out on CNN just a few years ago. Why watch a movie that dramatizes an already traumatic event in our very recent – and very raw history. We were just getting used to not seeing beheadings on Youtube and you go and make a movie about it. That’s kinda rubbing it in our faces – and not in a good way. It’s a funny aspect about American viewing audiences we’re not the type to go for that. We’re brash that way. We don’t mind sad stuff, (hell I cried when they shot Ole Yeller), and we don’t mind biographies that end in tragedy, but give us some time let the rawness fade before you shove it right back down our throats in the thinly veiled guise of a reminder of a terrible tragedy. We got that part. Really.

Here’s a clue:

• Movie about 911 and New York being devastated that ends with two lucky survivors? FLOP.
• Movie about a giant robots devastating NY that ends with two lucky survivors: BOX OFFICE SMASH.

True story. People see movies to forget how shitty the world can be, not to be reminded. Real life is outside our windows and on our 50″ plasmas 24/7. We need a god damn break sometimes. Not smug, psuedo-activism shoved down our throats by privileged Hollywood elite of the type who fly to environmental benefits in private jets and “greenlight” films that tiptoe extremely close to exploitation. The reason A Mighty Heart failed is the same reason Babel didn’t. Not in my back yard applies in full force here – and a very real American dead guy is all up in our backyard. So from me, and everybody else, can you go back to doing some T/A movies. And for god’s sake,eat some fried chicken or something. Here’s Angelina in ELLE thinking about ways to make you cry. Plus one NSFW for old times sake.

Author J.K. Rowling was reportedly deeply depressed and saddened when she completed the most recent and final 7th book of the Potter series recently- a full 17 years after the the first book was written.

“I was mourning the loss of this world that I had written for so long and loved so much. I was also mourning the retreat it had been from ordinary life, which it has been. And it forced me to look back at 17 years of my life and remember things. And it was very linked to my mother dying, which happened. … This big long passage from my life is now rounded off.” (source)

I could probably nerd out and put in a bunch of funny Harry Potter jokes but maybe 3 of you can actually sit still long enough to read a whole book so you wouldn’t get it anyway. J.K. Rowling has reportedly made over 1 Billion (with a GODAMN capital B) on these books. And rich people are hot. Right? She’s got a huge rack and she’s a billionaire. I think I smell cougar.

Megan Fox is hot on an astronomical level. Like Mega Joule hot. Like, you’d need the Stefan-Boltzmann constant to do the math. So how did her Transformers co-star Shia LaBeouf reply when he was asked if he was attracted to the engaged startlet when they worked together on set? God damn right.

“Dude, I’m into her, what do you want?” LaBeouf straightforwardly says. “It’s no conjuring. I’m into Megan. What do you want me to say?” he tells the Los Angeles Daily News.

“That’s just the way it was when we were filming. Immense attraction, on my part, for real.”

But she’s engaged to Brian Austin Green (”Beverly Hills, 90210″). So this couldn’t have been easy work for her, right?

“No, I didn’t have to work,” Fox says, laughing about a natural attraction to her co-star. “It was there.” Perhaps her fiance is the understanding type. (source)

So Megan Fox is beautiful, likes dirty sex, tattoos and she has the all loyalty of a cat in heat? You’ll forgive my departure, I trust, my penis just exploded.

Nerdy scientific note: When I refer to Megan being MJ hot, I am not referring to mechanical heat, but sexy hotness; although the analogy still stands either way. Work with me people. Put the Ti-89 away and click the pictures.