This is Jennifer Garner at the premier of The Kingdom a new action film in which she plays an FBI agent. I haven’t seen it yet, but I plan to because nothing would make me happier than to see Jennifer Garner holding an MP5 submachine gun and screaming for cover fire. I miss Alias.

Links for you while I fire up my Alias Season 2 DVDs.

• Soxy Lady has the video of the dude that stole Cano’s hat at the Sox Yankees game the other night. Ow. (SoxyLady)
• Afro Jacks listed the phone numer to Mystery from VH1 and Jezebel interviewed him via sexy phone call. (Jezebel)
• Hot Haley from Clemson (Klemp-Son) U. in my home state is the cute college girl of the week. (CH)
• Vanessa Hudgens is a nude teenager who can’t figure out what Tyra Banks is saying. (yeeeah)
• Jaime Pressly looking MILFy after the baby… (Bastardly)
• Jennifer Ellison lives in a bikini (Jordan)
• Paris Hilton. Fuck it. I don’t have the energy. Just click.(Allie)
• 24 is actually going to happen some in this decade! (Seriously OMG)
• Cloe Sevigny is a beautiful angel. (City Rag)
• Heidi Montag and her huge rack do something musical. (IBBB)
• Britney allegedly hired and alleged hitman to allegedly kill KFED. Allegedly. (GoT)
• Ryan Seacrest failed as a host of the Emmys. YOU FAILED. (New Chatter)

Actor Owen Wilson reportedly attempted suicide Sunday afternoon and was rushed to a hospital near his California home.

“A person was transported to a local hospital where they are being treated,” the release stated. “Due to HIPAA medical privacy laws, no further information is being released.”

But Star magazine and the National Enquirer jointly reported last night that Wilson, the star of popular comedies including “Wedding Crashers” and “You, Me and Dupree” had slit his left wrist and taken unidentified pills in an attempt to kill himself. (source)

This is why actors suck. Besides the fact that can’t get anything right, they always feel like they get say things like ‘I have problems too’, or ‘what about my feelings?’. Well, you don’t get to say that asshole. You get paid to act and you get everything you want and bang every hot girl that comes along. Now STFU and dance for your supper, monkey. Tara Conner because even though she is a quitter, she never gave up.

That’s Jessica Biel and that’s Jessica Biel’s underwear folks. Tuesdays usually suck because, well, they’re Tuesdays, but today is alright because Jessica Biel looks hot with short hair and with her underwear showing. The movie she’s shooting (she’s filming a scene here) is called Powder Blue and it has this riveting yet evocative plot description:

Four desperate individuals intersect in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve. (IMDB)

Booyah! That description just slammed in me the face with awesome, drove right over me and dragged me down the dirt road of exposition, tied me to a fence and left me to die in tagline heaven. If that wasn’t enough to get your action pants on, it looks like Jessica Biel will be wearing a wife beater the whole time. I think I hear Oscar calling. More Jess is under there. Get it?

Links if you made it this far.

• Madonna’s panties for sale! (Notorious)
• Hot College girl of the week. Amber from Cleveland State. (College humor)
• Paris Hilton Toe Glove shoes? (Celebrity Smack)
• Ashley Tisdale at Billy Joel. Perv. (Bastardly)
• Eva Herzigova upskirt. Is she from Bosina or Croatia? (DS)
• Lilly Allen work visa for USA revoked. I guess we’ll have to break up now. (SeriouslyOMG)
• Paris Hilton camo bikini. where’d she go?! (Jordan)
• Britney Spears wrecks her car like dumb ass redneck. (yeeeah)
• Lindsay Lohan sex scene. .(Ninja Dude)
• Antonella Barba still trying sing. Still hot, but still sucking. (Bumpshack)
• The Bourne Ultimatum kicks ass. (Pajiba)

This is Ashley Tisdale, whom you might remember fro her recent nip slip, and whom you might also not remember from anything else. She’s 22 but she looks like jailbait and frankly, people pay a lot for that these days; so she’s alright by me. Check IMDB if you want details or just sit really close to your monitor and click these links.

Links, if you made it this far, perv.

• I’ll see your Ashley Tisdale bikini pics and raise you Heidi Montag bikini pics. (Jordan)
• Billie Piper Side Boob. (Drunken Stepfather)
• College chicks making out. Like they’re supposed to. (CH)
• New Monica Belluci movie trailer. (Allie)
• Keira Knightly looks chilly. (Holy Candy)
• Eddie Murphy and his hot mamas. (City Rag)
• Nicole Richie wants the county lockdown. The gangsta bitches toss salad better at county. (Evil Beet)
• R Kelly finally goes to trial for being a freeeeeaaak. (Gossip or truth)
• Ellen Barkin, my favorite cougar, is getting paid. (Socialite’s life)
• Smirnoff viral video. Boyz in the Hillz. (Glitterati)
• Some trollop with big tits and a dirty dress. (Seriously OMG)
• I can’t say this chick’s name but she’s plenty hot. (Bastardly)
• Courtney Love is beautiful. Not really at all though.(Bump Shack)

If you want to get linked here, send me links and I’ll link you. Because I am a whore like that.

Lindsay Lohan, the completely mentally stable and totally brilliant actress of such Oscar worthy gems as Herbie: Fully Loaded, Freaky Friday and Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, recently expounded -albeit modestly- on her own acting skills as well as the acting prowess of several of her contemporaries. Actually she was wasted. And here’s how it went:

“The higher Lindsay got, the more arrogant and mean she became,” said a former party pal of the 21-year-old star. “She ranted and raved about her talent, claiming: ‘I’m the greatest actress in the world! No one’s even close to me right now!’

“And then she proceeded to viciously slam a slew of young actresses, who she considered to be her competition.”

Here’s what she said about her fellow actresses:

Scarlett Johansson is “ugly, fat and has no talent.”

Jessica Simpson “can’t sing and is dumb as (bleep).”

Sienna Miller is a “no-talent crackhead.”

Keira Knightley is “a flat, shallow, cardboard cutout of an actress.”

Jessica Biel is a “phony, scheming, joke of an actress.”(source)

I don’t know about you, but I think she’s right. She could be the greatest actor of our generation. I mean who didn’t cry n Herbie Fully Loaded when Lindsay as the trouble teen Maggie delivered this quip?

“It wasn’t me, it was Herbie.” (IMDB)

It was Herbie. It was Herbie,Lindsay. Herbie the black guy. Keep your chin up kid. As long as you stay true to your craft, you’ll always have a place in the hearts of Americans. Wait. That means having a huge rack right?