So much is going on today. Emily and I and the rest of the crew are working hard to pull together the top stories. Enjoy these tidbits till then.

• Pamela Anderson is bald. (Celebrity Smack)
• Doogie aka Barney aka Neil Patrick Harris gay. So? Suit up and tell Perez to shut the fuck up. (Cele|bitchy)
• Tiffani Amber Theissen. Still hot. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Heather Thomas from the 80’s spank list. TJ Hooker was the shit. (Bumpshack)
• Britney moved out and lives in a hotel. (Glitterati)
• Evangeline Lilly may be perfect. I must stalk her. (Yeeeah!)
• Kirsten Dunst likes fangs. (INO)
• Everyday Equations. Even stupid people need math! (College Humor)
• Paris Hilton bruises like a dirty peach. (Celebslam)

Oh, BTW. That’s Lisa Dean Ryan who played Wanda on Doogie Howser. That’s the only pic I could find. Wanda was the shit.

Apparently, Evangeline Lilly of ABC’s LOST is upset about the fact that she has to stay in shape for her starring role in the popular show.

The brunette actress admits she succumbed to the pressures of Hollywood when she landed the role of Kate Austen in the hit US series.

She said: “I went from, ‘Yeah, I’m in shape and I can go to the beach’ to, ‘I’m going to be on national television and every ounce of body fat needs to go’.”

Her fanatical diet and exercise regime has not relaxed even though she has been spotted looking underweight.

She is quoted in Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper as saying: “I slimmed as hard as I could. I continue to.”(source)

After a long talk with my penis, we’re pretty sure that Evangeline Lilly is doing the right thing by being in shape. Experts agree that if your ass can fit in the palms of my hands then you are exactly hot enough and you are no slave to the Hollywood aesthetic. If your ass can fit in the coin slot of a vending machine like Nicole Ritchie or Mary Kate Olsen, then you are a disgusting fat pig who needs to work a little harder on that figure. I mean, I can barely see your heart beating through you ribcage, fatty.

The pretty Canadian admits island life really gets her down, especially when she’s in a hurry to get somewhere.

She explains, “The notion of ‘aloha’ is really nice when you’re a visitor walking on the sidewalk and everyone’s cool and going, ‘Yay! Aloha!’

“But when you’re on the road running late for work and everyone’s fucking ‘Yay! Aloha!’ you want to snap! No one understands that there is a passing lane, no one understands there is a speed limit you can exceed.”

Unfortunately, Lilly’s co-stars have fallen foul of the island’s strict speed limit laws–her boyfriend Dominic Monaghan and Michelle Rodriguez are among those who have been booked for driving too fast in recent months.(source)

The entire cast of Lost is trying to single-handedly turn back the clock a hundred years in Hawaii. At least Evangeline has been arrested for DUI yet. I completely understand her frustration though. I mean whenever I travel to a place where the indigenous people have been living there in peace for thousands of years I just burn their villages and run over them with my bulldozer. It’s really easy because they’re all so slow. Mahalo!

Sexy Lost star Evangeline Lilly is set to appear in another commercial. No, it’s not the late night dating ads. This time it’s Oriental Rugs for Karastan.

The actress best known to TV viewers as “Lost” castaway Kate Austen has signed a deal with the upscale Karastan company to appear in four print ads for the rug manufacturer.

Karastan is based in Dalton, Georgia. David Duncan, the company’s V.P. of Marketing said that Lilly is, “an impressive and authentic young woman.”The ads will begin running in April in a number of magazines. Lilly follows in the footsteps of actress Andie MacDowell, who also has appeared the Karastan ads.Lilly will continue her “Lost” duties, having recently signed to appear in the third season of the series.(source)

This really isn’t even news except for the fact that it just proves that Evangeline Lilly isn’t a snobby bitch like a lot of actresses in Hollywood these days who never call back when I send out screen plays of my soft-core, yet tasteful adult films. My cinematography is brilliant ladies. Call me.