NSFW - Fatback Media

Marilyn Manson’s new video was just released and, much like my set of assless chaps, it’s causing some raised eyebrows. Apparently Marilyn and barely legal girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood are actually having sex in the video.

It begins with a lengthy sex sequence in which Wood, who is 19, reaches a loud climax (no word on whether that’s fake). There’s also a segment in which the starlet, dressed as Lolita, rubs her crotch while watching Manson perform onstage, and another in which she lies drenched in blood.

According to a source close to the production crew, Manson and Wood elected not to fake their intercourse. Though their naughty bits are concealed on-screen by bedclothes and each other’s bodies, the logistics of the shoot ensured the crew members had an intimate view of the proceedings. (source)

I’m a pretty freaky guy. I’ll admit it. I like sexy Vampire chicks and blood and all that stuff - in the right context. The wrong context is a bloody Lolita who bangs Marilyn Manson. That just fucks up this whole Kate Beckinsale vampire thing I have had, forever. Plus, I used to like Evan Rachel Wood, but now she’s damaged goods. It’s like if you had a cute little kitten, all soft and sweet and then you let a Romanian Wolfhound fuck it in the ass. Yeah, it’s still cute, but no matter how much you were nice to it, you could never top that Wolfhound anal. That makes about as much sense as this video. If you get a boner, you’re going to hell. Like me.

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In a recent interview with GQ, Jake Gyllenhaal reveals to the ladies that he’s a “badassâ€? with a “dark side” so any potential girlfriends better rekkanize.

Women interested in the job should know, however, that the actor isn’t just your stereotypical sensitive guy – he also has a dark side, according to Robert Downey Jr., who stars with Gyllenhaal in the upcoming David Fincher thriller Zodiac.

“You could say he’s too sensitive for this industry,” Downey Jr. tells GQ. “That’s not even the right word. He’s clear. But he’s also a total badass. He and Steve McQueen would have gotten along amazingly. Guys who will do anything, anywhere.”

Playing into that “badass” characterization, Gyllenhaal tells GQ that he loves cooking, going to the farmers’ market and “sometimes what I actually love to do is go to a farm and get fresh milk or watch a pig get slaughtered.” (source)

First of all, Jake Gyllenhaal is about as badass as a kitten with ball of string. Second, I’m from the south and nobody drinks farm fresh milk anymore since we invented science. Third. There really is no third. I’m going go back out to put lipstick on my pig for the county fair, y’all. Yeehaw. Since Jake Gyllenhaal is not as hot as Josie Maran on a farm I have included these. QED

Barely legal actress Evan Rachel Wood (19) is reportedly romantically involved with Marilyn Manson (38) and may be the cause of his breakup with professional whore burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese, 34.

“Dita is heartbroken, she didn’t see this coming,” says a source close to the burlesque dancer and MAC cosmetics model. “His partying contributed to the split as well.”Manson, 38, and Wood have been friends for some time…In addition, she posed for a watercolor that he painted, and attended the opening of his new Hollywood art gallery, the Celebritarian Corporation Gallery of Fine Art, last Halloween.

“It came as kind of a shock,” Wood told Rolling Stone about being asked to pose. “I was beyond flattered.” (source)

Holy shit. Creepy much? Evan Rachel Wood is cute and all, but she looks like she could be Lolita’s younger sister. I mean, I wouldn’t know whether to take off my pants or buy her a pink Trapper Keeper and give her a wine cooler. Get it? She actually dated Edward Norton for while before Manson so she’s obviously got a thing for older men who have a thing for really young girls who look really, really young. So I guess they’re not technically pervs. Kinda like how transvestites dress like girls so technically that means you’re not gay, right? Here is some fake jailbait. I know how you like your hard candy.

Evan Rachel Wood is an actress who, although her career is skyrocketing, refuses to get caught up in the excesses inherent to Hollywood scene. Originally from North Carolina (reparazent!), she moved to LA as a child and has been acting ever since. She’s currently starring in the film adaptation of Augusten Burroughs’ Running with Scissors. She is surprisingly down to earth when it comes to fame.

[T]he Hollywood-starlet fantasy she’s living out is decidedly more Silver Lake hipster than red-carpet socialite. She flies across the country just to catch a Radiohead show. She karaokes with Eddie Izzard. She has no interest in the aristocretin antics of the Hilton/Lohan set. “The clubs in L.A. usually just make me want to vomit,” she says—a world-weary comment from someone who’s young enough to regard the party scene as an exotic mystery. (source: Details)

I really respect Evan Rachel Wood and her attitude. I’ve steered clear of that decadent party scene as well. Just the other day, a naked Russian supermodel and I were doing coke off of a stripper’s ass and I told her that I was getting rid of my meerkat because it just seemed like foolish juvenile indulgence. Plus, those little fuckers can bite.