While I have my morning coffee and cocaine (Like Stevie Ray!) check out these recent happenings.
Scott Stapp tries to explain how he wasn’t having sex with those girls he was having sex with on that tape with Kid Rock, who also did not have sex with the girls he had sex with. (Glitterati)

The sheriff from Invasion, William Fitchner, is going to join the cast of Prison Break because the assholes at ABC cancelled the best Sci-Fi show in 10 years. Bastards. (GMMR)

Elisabeth Shue, my ex-girlfriend, just had another god damn baby. Why don’t you rub it in my face a little more? (Bricks and Stones)

In case you weren’t aware, Britney Spears’ career is over. I’m surprised she lasted as long as she did. Bless her heart. (TMZ)

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman sent beers out to the paparazzi who were stalking them outside their house in Australia. Stupid photographers. Don’t they not to accept gifts from monsters. Did they not read Hansel and Gretel? (IDLYITW)

Speaking of Nicole Kidman…she’s not pregnant. Thank the white shores of Valinor! The beast has not reproduced. (yes I’m talking bout Keith “Mordor” Urban) (Tabloid Whore)