NSFW – Fatback Media

Lindsay Lohan is a role model for young girls everywhere. She proves that honesty and good character are the ways to make it big. Either that, or by being a drunk lying whore. Apparently, a mere 36 hours before she got arrested in May for DUI, she sat down with Elle Magazine to tell them how resposible she really was.

“They’re looking for me, to like trip, so they can be like, ‘Oh Lindsay’s wasted and driving drunk.’ And that’s not it. I wouldn’t violate. … I’m much more responsible than that.”

The following night, on May 26, she was arrested for driving under the influence when her car crashed; cops found she had cocaine with her. Her second drunken driving/cocaine bust came the morning of July 24 after a high-speed chase in Santa Monica, Calif. The September issue of Elle hits newsstands Tuesday. (source)

Amazing. Inspirational! I think she was telling the cops this the next night when they were cuffing her, impounding her car and putting her cocaine in the evidence bag.

Lindsay Lohan, the completely mentally stable and totally brilliant actress of such Oscar worthy gems as Herbie: Fully Loaded, Freaky Friday and Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, recently expounded -albeit modestly- on her own acting skills as well as the acting prowess of several of her contemporaries. Actually she was wasted. And here’s how it went:

“The higher Lindsay got, the more arrogant and mean she became,” said a former party pal of the 21-year-old star. “She ranted and raved about her talent, claiming: ‘I’m the greatest actress in the world! No one’s even close to me right now!’

“And then she proceeded to viciously slam a slew of young actresses, who she considered to be her competition.”

Here’s what she said about her fellow actresses:

Scarlett Johansson is “ugly, fat and has no talent.”

Jessica Simpson “can’t sing and is dumb as (bleep).”

Sienna Miller is a “no-talent crackhead.”

Keira Knightley is “a flat, shallow, cardboard cutout of an actress.”

Jessica Biel is a “phony, scheming, joke of an actress.”(source)

I don’t know about you, but I think she’s right. She could be the greatest actor of our generation. I mean who didn’t cry n Herbie Fully Loaded when Lindsay as the trouble teen Maggie delivered this quip?

“It wasn’t me, it was Herbie.” (IMDB)

It was Herbie. It was Herbie,Lindsay. Herbie the black guy. Keep your chin up kid. As long as you stay true to your craft, you’ll always have a place in the hearts of Americans. Wait. That means having a huge rack right?

“It’s all about makin’ that G-T-A…”.

Though the police are using the word ‘commandeered’, it all boils down to one thing. Lindsay Lohan got fucked up and stole herself a car when and decided to chase a moving vehicle through a residential area.

Why? Who the fuck knows. The assistant had quit a few hours before, so Lindsay probably was three sheets to the wind and became indignant. You know how it goes. Why, I remember one time, after about a fifth of Kickin’ Chicken, I went on rant at some cop who was guarding the door at a nightclub I wanted into. Ended in tears. I assure you.

Like Lindsay not too long ago, I was underage. But hell, I was going in that club to get plastered to the wall come hell or high water. But goddamn, Lindsay, all I had to do was flash the guy my tits. YOU on the other hand decide to turn into a total whackjob and chase some poor woman down the streets with a jacked car.

Does it get any better than that? A coked up, drunken star pissing their career away all over the media? Yes, it does. How? Well, one of the guys in the car she hijacked was so afraid that he jumped out of the damned car.

Fucking please. If those guys would have had any sense whatsoever, they’d have knocked the little bitch out of the car in two seconds flat. I sure the hell would have.

If you’re interested, you can find the transcript of the 911 call during the chase here-
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19984231/

If you’re not, go look at some porn or something. I don’t fucking know. What am I, your personal assistant? More Lindsay. Bet you can’t guess the photographer…

I can only assume that Lindsay Lohan’s drunk detecting bracelet didn’t work. (You think they picked it up on Ebay?)

Little Miss Lindsay got herself all plastered with a bit of coked-up on the side and decided to play chase early Tuesday morning. She was picked up by the cops, frisked and found to be carrying cocaine on her person. I wonder if she had to do the old squat and cough?

The best part of this story is how even though she was driving drunk and in possession of cocaine she managed to blame it on someone else. It’s gets better. When one of the kids who was in the car with her (the one that Lindsay basically stole) tried to get her to stop because she was going to get in trouble she threatened to sue and quipped:

 ”I can’t get in trouble. I’m a celebrity. I can do whatever the fuck I want.” (TMZ)

Once she stopped the car and the police arrived on scene, Lindsay did however, own up to the whole thing and tried to make it right with the cops.  Oh wait, I meant she went all white trash and blamed the nearest black guy- Susan Smith style.

When police arrived, Dante says it seemed as if Lindsay told officers, “I wasn’t driving. The black kid was driving.”

Dante and Jakon [passengers in the car] say they saw Lindsay flunk the field sobriety test. They say when she tried touching her nose, she almost fell over.(TMZ)

So now she’s facing drunk driving and narcotic charges. It also looks like her dad is trying to cash in on this whole fiasco. Guy is in the news, talking about how all of this is ‘partly his fault’. Yeah, it probably is and no one really gives a rat’s ass. Ooh. Her mom is doing interviews, so that means she really loves her, right? Right?

“We are doing everything in our power in support of Lindsay and I won’t give up – this is my daughter and we love her,” Dina Lohan tells The Insider. (source)

What everyone cares about is, How long will Lindsay be in rehab this time? Will she munch carpet in there? And when will the pics of rehab lesbian action leak?