NSFW - Fatback Media

Ok, so she’s at the beach, so it’s not like she’s Britney Spears airing it out when she gets out of a limo, but even with a bikini and shorts on, Denise Richards’ vagina seems to makes its way out into the sunshine. Ritchie Sambora, who should be out doing evil deeds to uphold his contract with devil, seems oblivious that his insanely hot girlfriend is sunning her labia and seems more interested in scorching the grizzled hair patches off his chest. Except for the dirty cheating whore part, Denise Richards may be my favorite hot mom. Wait, did I say except for? I meant especially. Oh pic number four is older and out of context, but you really don’t care now do you?

It’s Tuesday lunch and here’s what’s going on around the web.

Kristin Cavallari may play Daisy Duke in the new prequel film The Inbred Dukes of Hazzard have sex with their cousin Daisy: The early Years. (I’m not Obsessed)

Paris Hilton is being sued for the car crash she caused. Unfortunately, she will not pay a dime because she is an entitled rich bitch who has never paid for a thing in her life. Bitch. (TMZ)

Jeenifer Aniston tried to call Brad Pitt to “congratulate him” but his called was refused. Translation: Jennifer Aniston can’t let go and was using the call to Brad to cause trouble. Angelina fielded the call and and smacked Brad Pitt in the face with the phone further emasculating him. (Bricks and Stones)

Denise Richards: WILF. Figure it out. (Star Power)

Shannen Doherty is getting her own reality show on Lifetime called Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty. If it was called Breaking Chairs Over Shannen Dougherty, I’d probably watch it. (Glitterati) . (PS. Glad you’re back Tina…)

The Entourage recap is online at GMMR. Still haven’t seen one god damn episode. Am I missing something? (GMMR)

Jessica Alba hangs out with her ex after the MTV Movie Awards.(The Bastardly)

The kid from A Christmas Story who shot his eye out is still alive and he’s in The Break Up with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. (ICYDK)

It’s after noon and I’m fucking hongry. I need to gets my vittles on, so check out these tasty links while I fill my belly.

Jenny McCarthy, my secret dirty girl crush is dating Jim Carey. Probably. Maybe. Whatever. (WWTDD)

MILF of the century, Denise “wild things” Richards is getting married to Ritchie “old guy” Sambora. (Bricks and Stones)

I have a premonition, that the OMEN will suck devil balls, but Julia Styles is as cute as a little bulldog puppy wearing a sweater.Oh and that kid in the OMEN is really the AntiChrist in case you were wondering. (I’m Not Obsessed)

J-Lo Hewitt is dating some guy that will never see her naked. You see, if she takes the velvet ribbon off, her head will fall off. (ICYDK)

Paris Hilton…oh fuck it. I don’t even care. The only headline I’ll ever want to see is her name followed by hollowtip round to the skull. But if you’re interested, some new rich guy is banging her. (Subvert Society)

Maria Sharapova, whose name I love to say with my Russian accent (I was a spy, y’all!), is sporting some camel toe. Dibs on helping her out with that. (StarPower)

Don’t click this link unless you are prepared to weep openly at the beauty of Marissa Miller’s ass. I gotta go, it’s uh, dusty in here. (The Bastardly)

Good luck to MidWest Hotness, Tina of Glitterati while she moves into her new mansion on the lake this week (Glitterati)

Wow. Talk about news that travels fast. The well publicized breakup of Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards is everywhere this week, but The Smoking Gun has some of the gory details of Denise’s allegations against Charlie, including sexual deviancy, assault and child pornography. Here are some excepts:

In a remarkable sworn declaration (link) filed today in Los Angeles Superior Court, Richards also charges that Sheen, 40, assaulted her and threatened her life during a December 30 incident at the actress’s Los Angeles home. Richards claims that an enraged Sheen–who was over for a visit with the couple’s two children–told her she was “fucking with the wrong guy” and called her a series of vulgar names in front of the children. The actor, Richards said, then shoved her to the ground and screamed, “I hope you fucking die, bitch.” As Richards, 35, tells it, Sheen was angry because she had told her divorce attorney about discovering details of Sheen’s porn-surfing practices. Richards’s declaration, filed in support of her request for a restraining order against Sheen, contends that Sheen “belonged” to “disturbing” sites “which promoted very young girls, who looked underage to me with pigtails, braces, and no pubic hair performing oral sex with each other.” Other sites visited by Sheen, Richards alleges, involved “gay pornography also involving very young men who also did not look like adults.” Richards claims that she also discovered that Sheen “belonged to several sex search type sites” on which he “looked for women to have sex with.” His online profile, Richards adds, included a photo of “his erect penis.” The Richards evisceration also portrays Sheen as a lousy father who urged her to abort their first child.

In his defense, I’m pretty sure that you’re supposed to show your penis in your sex search profile and I’m sure those girls with pig tails are of age. As for the very young men engaging in activities, I’m sure they had no idea the camera was running and thought it was an art project. Plus, they probably got paid and taken to eat at The Sizzler afterwards so they would stop crying.

The Smoking Gun article also shows the transcripts of six voicemails left by Charlie on Denise’s machine. Here’s one excerpt:

Wow. Dickface? I don’t know Charlie. Sounds like you need to brush up on your insults, pimp. I point your attention to the use of the epithet, “fucking nigger” to describe your wife. That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think, not to mention somewhat of a misnomer? Apropos of that, a more fitting term would be dirty white bread cracker whore. See? Rolls right off the tongue. And, it has much more of a feeling of appropriateness. N’est, pas? You’d think someone whose dad was born Ramon Gerard Antonio Estevez, would be a little more versed in his racial slurs - even if he tries to pass himself off as a drunken mick. Oops. There I go. See how it starts Charlie? It’s all fun and games till somebody gets hurt.