NSFW - Fatback Media

In an interesting turn of events, K-Fed is giving Britney a good kick in the balls she’s grown. Don’t tell me she doesn’t have them. Any chick who shaves her head has a set hidden somewhere.

K-Fed Up should be his new moniker. He is sick and tired of his Ex’s stupidity and believes the kids would be better off with him. I say, good for him. Take your kids from the crazy bitch! Cracking into cars, giving the paparazzi crotch shots (which Fatback loves, ya know), and doing only god knows what the fuck all else, surely isn’t the example you want for your kids.

I never thought I would see the day when I thought K-Fed was a stand up parent, but hey, hell does freeze over occasionally it seems. ‘Course he could just be in it for the money.

As we first reported, K-Fed is going back to court asking for more custody of the kids. Federline just agreed to a 50/50 split. Then, he turned around almost immediately and filed papers asking for 70/30. So why such a sudden change of heart? (source)

It sucks that even in today’s courts you have judges who think the mother is the perfect one for the kids. Not so. Plenty of hot men out there who are excellent fathers. No, I have no clue what the fuck their hotness has to do with it, but damn, I like me some beefalicious daddy.

Alright, catch you later, got to recharge the batteries to the Venus.
These aren’t new, but neither is Britney Spears’ Schadenfruede.

Holy Darwin’s dick, what the fuck? This dog looks like a god damn super villain. That dog is on the juice. I know this doesn’t qualify as snarky celebrity hating or the normal T/A you get here but I had to share this. Because I’m pretty sure it’s one of the signs of the apocalypse. Meet Wendy the most muscular Whippet in the universe.

She was born with a genetic defect which has left her looking like the Incredible Hulk of Hounds.

While her head, heart, lungs and legs are the size of those of a normal whippet, her gene defect means she is “double muscled”. She weighs 4st4lb [60 lbs] - twice as much as she should…” (source)(via)

That’s the coolest dog I’ve ever seen. She looks like she could run 200 mph and bite through a car. Who would fuck with you if you walked down the street with this dog? You could be all, “Don’t make my dog bite your arm off and fly to your house and eat your mom”. SHE WILL FUCKING DO IT, MAN. More Wendy and her ‘roided out body.

Well, well, well. Looks like the queen of the bloggers is getting his comeuppance after all. We’re having a huge party right now complete with a photoshop contest of the best/worst celebrity bloggers. I’m drunk. See what’s happening on the other side of the tracks.

• Perez Hilton sued for copyright infringement, misuse of copyrighted material and for being a suck-up bastard that may ruin it for all of us. Well that last one I made up, but I’m pretty sure it’s a law. Call me esquire. (yeeeah)
• Holy shit. Eddie Murphy is back for Beverly Hills Cop IV. Allo, Acquelle, my naime is Seeergzhe. (Glitterati)
• Oh. BTW. Perez Hilton is getting sued for 7.5 million in case you were wondering. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Christina Applegate. Still hot. Still hairy. Which is no prob for me, I like em swarthy. (Bastardly)
• Lindsay Lohan is still a bitch. (INO)
• New details about Pam/Kid Rock divorce. Yawn. (Gossip or truth)
• Pulp Fiction: The short version. Faster than you can say Maxi-pad. (College Humor)

Ok, it’s the holidays and things are slow so I’m going through the posting queue and pulling out some also-rans. Enjoy the stale news bitches.

Repeat after me: Nicole Richie was not in rehab. She was in rehab, wasn’t she?

Nicole Richie wants to clear the air once and for all!

An eyewitness tells Life & Style that the skinny starlet, who had reportedly gone into rehab to seek help for her weight, marched up to gossip blogger Perez Hilton today at LA’s Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and insisted to him: “I was NOT in rehab! Everyone was wrong. I did not go to rehab.” (source)

While probably laden with swimming pools, tennis courts, caviar and movie stars, I’m still pretty sure that building is considered an institution. And your seminar on ‘how to eat more than 6 raisins’ is probably considered therapy. And your 78-pound frame is almost certainly considered to be the cause of an eating disorder. I’m not a doctor, but I have watched several episodes of Grey’s Anatomy so I’m quite sure that qualifies me to make these judgments. Now I’m off to eat a cheeseburger (extra mayo!) while watching my “stories”. Here are some pictures of April Scott a woman who knows what curves are supposed look like.
 

Yeah, well sorry about the link post but, it’ll have to do for a few hours while I figure out how hack the new server we’re on. Can’t really say much, but I think I figured out that we’re all really asleep. I’ll get back to you on that. Speaking of getting back. I heard from Emily and and she’s still at it. She said she was on vacation, but I think she started some kind of underground sexual fight club for FB&C. Lately, recently injured strangers are calling me sir on the street and giving me the good tables in restaurants.  I hope that I’m not really a chick who does battle with her foes at night. Where would I put my elephant like penis? Maybe that’s why my taint has duct tape burns. I gotta go. I think I need to have a little talk with “Miss Emily”.

• Alyson Hannigan multi-tasks. I can’t figure out if she’s cuter as Willow or Lily. Maybe if Lily was a witch? (Bastardly)
• Paris Hilton is no Bond girl. Beetlejuice girl? Maybe. (Yeeeah)
• Pamela Anderson on Jimmy Kimmel.  (Celebrity Smack)
• Katie Holmes spent 3K on lingerie. For whom, I wonder? (Subvert)
• Kellie Pickler was abused by her mommy. Yeah, well who wasn’t. We’ve all got scars sister. (I’m not obsessed)

Sweet. Two movie ref’s in one post. I rule. I know.

Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes. Whatever. It’s been a pretty good week for nip-slips and downright nudity so here’s another. It’s country singer LeAnn Rimes with a see-through blouse showing some aereoliar action. Yeah, I know. Not that great. But now I’ll be singing Bare Naked Ladies for the rest of the god damn day and…so will you. One more that’s samurai worthy after the jump.

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It’s Friday, y’all and that’s my time to show my internet love for my sexy blogger posse. We ride around in hoopties, flickin’ switches, rollin’ on twennifoes. It’s ah’ite, bitches.

• Kim “The Cougar” Catrall flashes some fur at a book signing. She’s come a long way since Mannequin. (Subvert)
• They’re back from Argentina with an Emmanuelle Chriqui spread that is sure to give you carpel tunnel. (Bastardly)
• Britney and her boobs head to Miami. (INO)
• Lindsay Lohan called Paris a cunt. Isn’t that like a spade calling a spade a fucking shovel? (Bricks and Stones)
• Jesus loves you. And he loves country music. And boobies. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Oscar movies have three things: They’re way too long, a dude has to cry, and the good guys die. Oscar, say hello to “Babel”. (Pajiba)
• Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson are haters. O.R. They? (Yeeeah)
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wedding news! Who cares? (Glitterati)

Popstar Jessica Simpson was horrified recently when an on-line friend turned out to be a male escort. WTF? OMG, I bet she didn’t LOL. W/E!

“Jessica logged on [to an Internet matchmaking service] to find company,” reveals a friend. “She found a picture of a guy in LA she thought was ideal.”
However, her hopefulness turned to horror when she discovered the man she was meeting was a prostitute.
“They arranged to meet, but when she turned up, she found out the sad truth — he was only interested in a ‘professional transaction’. The guy turned out to be a male escort.”
The blonde singer has publicly admitted she needs a man. “I’m a little sexually frustrated right now,” she told US talk show host Jay Leno recently.
Having no luck with her celebrity encounters, pals say Jessica turned to the Net to find a regular guy. Insiders say she was also trying to score a date behind the back of her controlling father and manager Joe Simpson, who doesn’t believe anyone is good enough for his A-list daughter. (source)

Well with the IQ of a used condom and creepy Papa Simpson always one step ahead [with one hand down his pants], it’s no wonder she can’t bag a man. I did the Internet dating thing once; all the cool kids were doing it and I was desperate after my guy ran off with my other guy (it was a horrible case of ménage a.. what the..?). I began chatting with a software engineer who was charming and funny and attractive…and also serving a 9 year prison sentence for a postal mix-up gone terribly wrong. Conjugal visits were exciting, but it didn’t last long; what with his with the inclination to commit felonies, my looking pasty and pale under halogen lighting. That’s just no way to build true romance. Que sera, sera.

No real reason for that old pic except, if you look close you can see Jessica’s American Pride.

Nip/Tuck star Joely Richardson (Julia McNamara) has decided to leave the show momentarily to care for her daughter, who was diagnosed with circulation problems when she was born. Her daughter is set to receive multiple surgeries. Hurry back, Julia!

Richardson admits she had no choice when it came to deciding to quit her hit show. She adds, “I love my work but I had to be in two places at once and I thought, ‘If it were all over tomorrow, what would I regret?’ It would be not being there for her.” Richardson fears she’ll never be able to return to “Nip/Tuck,” but series creator Ryan Murphy is hoping her character Julia McNamara, will be back. He says, “I don’t want to do the show without her.” (source)

I am undeniably addicted to this show and no one will ever understand the bond like another addict. It’s scandalous, outrageous, racy, sexy, and dramatic. It’s like the TV version of my life, complete with lipo, expensive cars, naked women and midgets! Except I still have both my kidneys. While I’ve never cared for Joely’s character, which could be the mark of a good actress, I hate to see her go, especially now that she banged the male nanny (slash little person) Marlo. She’s upwards of 5’10’’; he’s downwards of 4’5’’. So many questions, so little time.

Britney Spears officially filed for divorce from Kevin Federline yesterday after appearing on the David Letterman show the night before looking extremely fit.

TMZ obtained the legal papers, filed today in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing “irreconcilable differences.” In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple’s two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.

As for money, sources tell TMZ the couple, who married in Oct. 2004, has an iron-clad prenup. Not surprisingly, Spears is waiving her right to spousal support. She’s also asking the judge to make each party pay their own attorney’s fees. (source)

When I heard this I thought it wasn’t real. Like on Christmas morning when you were 10 and you walked into the den - still rubbing your eyes and tired - but instead of a half a carton of Kool Menthols and a pack of Steakum, you see that shiny new bike you asked Santa for at the mall. Then you wake up because it was all dream. So, you just go have a smoke and breakfast sammie and cry all day. It’s like that, except this time the bad man really is going away. I guess I could have posted the official divorce document like everyone else, but you legal eagles have probably already seen that. Plus, It’s kind of hard to get excited about a legal filing when you can stare at Britney’s huge rack.

UPDATE: A dirty, dirty reader sent me a link to the alleged Britney Spears Sex Tape. This link is NSFW, meaning prepare to get fired if you click it from work. Britney Sex Tape?