This is Emily Proctor form CSI Miami at the People Choice Awards last night where she was a presenter. I didn’t watch the awards because people suck and who gives a shit about their choices? I like my awards decided by old wrinkly Jewish guys living in oxygen tents in their Hollywood Hills Mansions. But I digress.

The interesting thing about this dress is how much of her breasts we can see without actually seeing anything. My neck hurts from trying to see into the side of my monitor. It’s kind of a tease.  Like those girls down south who will give you a handjob at a church picnic because they can repent right then and there and they’ll  do anal but won’t have sex because they want to save it for marriage. Wait did I say tease?  I meant that’s awesome. Church girls rock.

No, I am not implying, nor should you infer that sexy, southern Emily Proctor is the anti-Christ. I’m saying that all women are devils, duh. Sexy devils. Anyway, ’tis the season for friends, happiness and joy and all that shit. So here are some X-mas linX to get you all in the spirit of thingX.

• “Christmas Wishes from the Antichrist”. Check my new story over at Collegehumor.com and don’t forget to vote for it when you’re done. (College Humor)
• New Bastardly Jailbait Lady of the Day (Bastardly)
• Are you sexy and southern? Know someone who is? Or just wanted to pimp this site on your thong? But some X-mas gifts! (FB&C Store)
• Tara Reid. Drunk again. Redundant much? (Smart)
• Want good gadgets for cheap? Check out this totally unsolicited link. (BCD)
• The Jolie-Pitts look like the “it’s a small world” ride at Disney. (Tabloid Whore)
• More boobies with college names drunkenly scrawled on them. Sexy not trashy. For reals. (College humor)
• Pauly Shore is a faker. Idiot. (Celebslam)

It had to happen. TV’s top rated show CSI, has buckled under network pressure and will featuring “big name” guests this season in an effort to…what? Become the Top-Top rated show on TV? Guests like Kevin Federline, John Mayer and Danny Bonaduce will be peppered in guest slots through out the season just in time to promote their album/talk show/project du jour. Coincidence? I’d bet my leather Fonzie jacket that it’s not. Here’s what People had to say about Federline’s appearance.

“This is pretty much my first time acting. It’s the first time I’ve actually had a speaking role.” He adds that the offer came about quickly. “I was doing stuff for the Teen Choice Awards,” he says, “and got the call while we were rehearsing and I pissed in my pants! I was excited right off the bat. It’s the only show that I really, really watch.”

Federline, 28, started shooting his part in Los Angeles on Thursday night. He will play a menacing, arrogant teen who harasses investigators Nick Stokes (George Eads) and Warrick Brown (Gary Dourdan) on a job. The episode is tentatively scheduled to air in October. (source)

CSI is show that should have never made it, but somehow it works. There is a lot suspension of disbelief involved, what with all the exposition between supposed CSI experts and don’t get me started on the computers. I worked at a crime lab during undergrad as an intern and the computers they had in 2002-2003 were green screen dinosaurs circa 1970 that would make a Commodore 64 look a Multi cluster supercomputer. We certainly didn’t have Flash animated criminal record searches or DNA results in mere hours. But hey that was way back three years ago. I’m sure all CSI’s now get Hummers and silk shirts. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to investigate Sofia Milos’ criminal rack. That last one has a bit of a NSFW-ish nip-slip.