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Jessica Simpson attributes failed marriage to Nick when he did not attend a charity trip in Africa in October 2005.

“I went there on our three-year wedding anniversary,” she tells Jane magazine for its November issue. “He stayed home”

Simpson was part of a travel contingent representing Operation Smile, a not-for-profit, volunteer medical services organization that provides reconstructive facial surgery to indigent children in remote areas.

Although Simpson and Lachey had both been presented with the organization’s Universal Smile Award at a Los Angeles Gala, Simpson ended up traveling to Nakuru, Kenya, with hairdresser Ken Paves, friend Cacee Cobb and her manger-father, Joe Simpson. (source)

In the land of WTF, picture me wearing a tutu, a hockey jersey and holding an assault rifle. That makes as much sense as traveling to Africa on your three-year anniversary with hairdresser in tow. Or maybe it’s offering plastic surgery to children who would probably benefit more from clean water than a “beauty mark” a la Cindy Crawford. Why are we still stewing over the breakup slash divorce almost a year after the fact anyway? Jessica could have caught Nick in compromising positions with a frozen turkey on the bathroom floor and I still wouldn’t give a fuck (although I would definitely google the photos). There’s more interesting news brewing lately. Like how am I gonna explain my recent trip to the clinic to my HMO? Real problems, real world, people! Here’s more of Jessica doing her best to not hide her boobtastic cleavage.

Jessica Simpson has reportedly called Nick Lachey out with an insultingly lowball offer for their divorce settlement. California Law (as with most other states) requires that all marital assets not covered by a pre-nuptual agreement be divided equally between the two parties.

Multiple sources connected with the former couple tell TMZ that Simpson has offered Lachey less than $1.5 million to settle the division of property. Under California law, Lachey would be entitled to half of what the couple earned during their marriage. The Associated Press reports that in 2004 alone, Simpson raked in $30 million.

We’re told that Simpson’s reps believe that Lachey will fold because he does not want to make it appear that he is after her money. They also know that Lachey is still in love with his estranged wife and believe he does not have the stomach to square off with her in court. (source)

Jessica also reportedly said that Nick Lachey is a god damn pussy and that he needs to take the bullshit settlement and then he should come right over and wash her feet because they are sore, but he needs to stop at the vet to pick up her dog who just had his anal glands lanced, and then stop at Costco and get her some tampons - but not the variety pack though - the last time he went, he got the fucking variety pack and he knows that she needs the super flow. God damn is it that fucking hard? Maybe if he were a real man…
Nick, like many before him, was fooled into a relationship with a high maintenance, needy bitch by a giant rack and the promise of hitting the trail on the road less traveled, if you will. Now that it’s over, Nick needs to grow a set and realize that he is in the catbird seat in this situation. The best revenge for putting up with a high maintenance chick like Jessica Simpson is taking her money and banging her sister and her best friend.

CaCee Cobb, who until recently, has been Jessica Simpson’s personal assistant (and friend?) is now without a job. This comes on the heels of rumors that CaCee has been spending time with Nick Lachey, Jessica’s ex.

On May 7, Cobb celebrated her last day on the job with friends at Arnie Morton’s Steakhouse in L.A. Fighting tears, Simpson, 25, raised her glass and said to Cobb:

“You are my best friend. I will be your best friend forever.” (source)

I’m no master detective, but I’m pretty sure if I were Cacee I would’ve skipped that toast. Jessica might as well have been wearing a little monacle and a fake mustache that she twirled while she saying, Best. Friends. FOR-EVAH!. MWAH HA HA HA HA!”.

Apparently, against all odds and against my wishes, yet again, mortal enemies Cacee Cobb and Jessica Simpson have been seen out together again and the they did not engage in roughhouse naked lesbian pillow fighting.

Looking not her usual perfect self, Jessica Simpson braved the sea of photogs to get in and out of an upscale Beverly Hills store. She and her assistant CaCee Cobb and hairdresser Ken Paves examined the beautiful, expensive objects. Jessica even tried on a glamorous watch.

No idea who Ken Paves is but he’s apparently Jessica’s leather faced hairdresser. I have no idea why she would hang out all the time with the guy that glues the horse hair extensions to her scalp but then again I never understand it when people fraternize with their help. You have sex with the hot ones and deport them if they give you any lip. It’s a pretty good system.

CaCee Cobb gets hotter every time I see her. I think the giant rack and the highbeams really do it for me in these pics. I am having trouble figuring out why she doesn’t have clumps of Jessica Simpson’s hair in her fist though. The laws of physics dictate that all women who argue over a man will eventually fight. They will fight dirty. And that fight will inevitably lead to torn clothing and passionate kisses all over each other. Which should lead to them kissing me. And then they’re all, “why don’t you join in?” And I’m all “sure!”. And then…wait. What? I gotta go. (source) (images)

Well it looks like Nick Lachey is getting cozy with CaCee Cobb again. The two were seen at a club in Las Vegas this week in a VIP lounge despite insistence that they are just friends.

Cameras captured Nick at the Las Vegas hotspot Pure with CaCee Cobb, the personal assistant and best friend of his soon-to-be ex, Jessica Simpson. Nick told the television show ‘EXTRA’ that the two are just friends.

This isn’t the first time the pair was rumored to be an item. Life & Style magazine reported back in February that the two were spotted together in a Los Angeles club. One onlooker told the mag that Nick “was kissing all over the side of her face and neck.”(source)

The Guilded Moose had this from a reader:

I was at Pure in Vegas… on Saturday night to try to get a peek at crazy Pam Anderson, who was guest Pussycat Doll-ing that evening… [W]e walked into the main dance area where dj am spins, and immediately noticed CaCee Cobb… standing center stage in the VIP area, so she could be admired by everyone in the room… Then, about 30 minutes later, Nick Lachey enters the VIP area and immediately gets chummy with CaCee, and that’s when I pull out my camera.

They looked close. Too close for just “friends”. Who the hell knows though. Hope you can use them. On a side note, later in the evening Dane Cook showed up and hung out in the same area. Isn’t he hooking up with Jessica now? What a tangled web they weave.(Full article here)(images)

So the two were seen together, ergo, according to the laws of pop culture, they are obviously sleeping together. I know this because I’m smart as a whip and I used the word ergo. I’m a scientist! Again, I have to hand it to Nick. He’s banging everything in sight. CaCee Cobb comes with a one-two punch, too. She’s hot and Jessica’s former friend. Nothing says I vengeance is mine like banging your ex-girlfriend’s best friend. Except maybe banging your ex-girlfriend’s little sister. Which I highly recommend.

Nick Lachey is making the rounds. He has been linked to Miss Kentucky Lizzie Arnold, CaCee Cobb, Kristin Cavalleri and most recently The West Wing’s Kristin Chenoweth.

Nick Lachey has gotten in another dig at ex wife Jessica Simpson. He’s traded in Kristin Cavalleri for a more mature, but just as beautiful Kristin Chenoweth. The pint sized hottie from the ‘West Wing’ and ‘Bewitched’ has reportedly captured Nick’s attention.

The 1999 Tony Award winner and Nick are reportedly seeing each other reports the National Enquirer.

Fresh off her FHM photo spread the blonde star looks fabulous for 37 and is five years older than Nick, and 18 years older than Kristin Cavallari. But the 4′11″ babe always references her religious upbringing (even in FHM) so she’s basically Jessica at 37.(source)

I never watch the West Wing, so I just thought she was that hot country chick from the Old Navy commercials. Kristin Chenoweth is obviously hot, and you know I’m a sucker for a southern accent, but I think she may be a little too pint sized for my sensibilities. Plus you know what they say about guys who like to date short chicks. Actually, do you know what they say?

Nick Lachey seems to making his rounds. First he was rumored with wife Jessica’s assistant CaCee Cobb, then Miss Kentucky Lizzie Arnold, and then his brother Drew’s dancing partner Cheryl Burke. Now it appears that he is going after the teen heat, because he was recently spotted with Laguna Beach (star?) Kristin Cavalleri.

Page Six calls it a match made in Reality TV hell.

The item claims “Newlyweds” hubby Nick Lachey is hooking up with “Laguna Beach” babe Kristin Cavalleri. The swingin’ single ex of Jessica Simpson introduced his mother to bubbly blonde Cavalleri last week over dinner at Palomino in Westwood, Calif., tattles an eatery insider.

Lachey had previously enjoyed some rebound relief with buxom Miss Kentucky Elizabeth Ann Arnold, while Cavalleri had been dating former Olympian Bruce Jenner’s son, Brody.

I made that reference to star above because I don’t really believe that Laguna Beach was a reality show at all; it was completely scripted. I also use the the term star very loosely, because the only reason Kristin is famous is because she is a whiny rich bitch, from Southern California. I never watched Laguna Beach except for the times it was on mute in the background while I was throwing one on my world famous cocktail parties at Mercer House in Savannah. I would have turned it off but I couldn’t hold the mirror and the rolled up $100.00 bill steady for the naked strippers and work the remote. Jesus. I’m only human.