NSFW – Fatback Media

Britney Spears is going to be HEALED! Apparently, when a judge decided that a red neck, wigger was the lesser of two evils and gave K-FED custody of her two children, Britney decided it was time to take the matter to the Lord. Or Indian spirit. Or something.

[She] is said to have organised the meeting with a head shaman near a reservation at the base of America’s Grand Canyon.

A source said: “The head shaman has agreed to perform the ritual on Britney, which is a great honour.

“The shaman will wave sage over her head and daub her temples with a magical potion. And the learned Indians will chant mantra and perform a special dance around her.” (source)

Then they will add some nice chicken stock and a bouquet garnis to the pot, spatchcock her plump body and add a little ‘essence’. BAM!

Britney Spears’ video for the single Gimme More hit iTunes today and like the good pirates that they are some scoundrels posted it to YouTube, so watch this while you can…or not.

The video, which features Spears, 25, interacting with a sexy alter-ego, is a departure from her previous clips. While Spears dances, she’s alone for
most of the video (except for a few surprise scenes) and the effects are slick yet minimal. Dressed very provocatively in fishnets and a black adorned motorcycle vest, Spears shows off a slim, toned physique — including one shot of her naked back. (source)

Ok. Is it me or did someone slip the camera a roofie? The whole thing looks like its being filmed from inside a jar of Vaseline. I think I get what they were trying to do here. Good Britney (blond) is confronted by Bad Britney (brunette) and a cerebral confrontation begins that pits id against superego, while we the viewer [read: ego] sort it all out. Ironically, it turned out to be Freudian mess anyway because by the end of it Britney is trying to fuck herself which is just plain weird. Which makes me glad I never saw my mom naked.

So yeah, in the out of the frying pan into the bong news of the year, Britney Spears just officially lost custody of her kids to her ex-husband Kevin Federline.

L.A. County Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon issued an order today stating that Kevin Federline, the boys’ father, “is to retain physical custody of the minor children on Wednesday, October 3, 2007 at 12:00 PM until further order of the court.” (source)

Judge Gordon is a better man than me, because I would have just thrown them in the lion pit at the zoo. That way at least they’d have a shot. Little kids are crafty like that.

Update: Us Magazine has a completly flaccid and un-sizzling update on this story:

Despite losing custody of her sons for the time being, the court specified that Spears must still adhere to the orders from a September 17th hearing, in which she was labeled a “habitual” user of controlled substances. Those orders include: attending counseling, meeting with a parenting coach and submitting to twice-weekly random drug tests. (source)

Although yesterday’s news about Britney losing custody of her kids was uplifting and promising, everyone (F&C included)  seems to have forgotten that rich people (even white trash idiots) can hire really expensive attorneys. And if I learned anything in ethics class in college it’s that no crime goes unpunished  – unless you have an expensive attorney.  Also, it’s apparently okay to have a nudity and drug problem and keep custody of your kids.

The judge in the Britney Spears custody battle found that “there is a habitual, frequent, and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol by (Britney).” The judge has ordered Britney “to undergo testing for the use of controlled substances and alcohol.” Testing will be conducted randomly twice a week.

However…

According to judge’s order, no changes were made yesterday in the custody arrangement. As we first reported, custody is split 50/50 between Britney and K-Fed. (source)

So sweet. Everybody wins! Except for the poor doomed kids. And the American public for having to endure this mess. And the Justice system which remains corrupt and at the will of the rich. And the Kurds in northern Iraq, who besides suffering death and torture at the hands of Saddam Hussein only to be left out of economic agreements for the oil that is rightfully theirs, have a funny name that sounds like cheese. Kurds!