NSFW - Fatback Media

Why does Britney refuse to put those floppy granny tits in a bra? She dresses like she gave up on life. My mom dresses like this, but she has an excuse. She smoked for 40 years, had two ungrateful white trash kids, an 3 abusive husbands and bad habit of fucking married men with heavily armed wives. My mom has a net worth of 2 bales of hay and 1 Newport cigarette. Britney Spears probably has a million dollars in the glove compartment of her Porche next to the ketchup packets and broken cigarettes. Advantage: mom.

Also, Britney’s [ALLEGEDLY] formerly drunk and abusive dad and her brother Bryan (?) are still holding the ATM pins for Britney.

Britney Spears’ father Jamie was granted an extension of his conservatorship over her until March 10, the LA Superior Court decided today.

Britney’s brother Bryan, 30, and attorney Ivan Taback were named co-trustees of her trust.

“Ms. Spears’ family, friends and members of her household have been paying for her basic necessities including medicine, food and other day to day expenses,” Bryan’s attorney told the court. (source)

I like how they call it a conservatorship, like that somehow mitigates the fact that her dad can buy his own island now and there’s not god damn thing Britney can do about it. More of Britney’s nipples trying to get her attention about something on the floor.

See that? That is a salacious headline folks. I don’t like to brag, but they don’t teach that shit in journalism school. That comes from years of walking a beat, doing the research and following leads to get the story. Other bloggers may have fancy pants degrees from respected ivy covered liberal arts schools, but did they live blog the Vietnam War? No. No they did not. The key to writing a good story is coming up with a compelling headline that is evocative with just a hint of scandal, then diving right into the story so the readers will be instantly immersed in the narrative. Going on and on about unrelated or tangential information will only cause the reader to become disinterested and stop reading. Where was I?

Jamie and Lynne Spears arrived this morning at the County courthouse in downtown L.A. Sources say both parents are extremely concerned about the welfare of their daughter, and upset because Sam Lutfi is trying to call the shots on all matters Britney.

The court has the power to create a conservatorship, which would allow both Jamie and Lynne to make medical decisions on behalf of Britney. The conservatorship would also allow them to control Britney’s financial affairs. (Source)

What better way to show their love and support by taking control of her assets? It’s really kind of sweet, like Macbeth!

Sometime I feel sorry for Britney Spears because she is just the product of exploitative parents who whored out their daughter to the entertainment industry before she even finished high school - just to get her money. When I think about the tragic series of events that led up to Britney’s current situation it makes me melancholy. Then I remember that I am an elitist, judgmental bastard and it’s my job to make fun of Britney Spears and her fucked up, country-whore-come-to-town antics.

On Tuesday afternoon, she and Lutfi visited a nearby J. Crew, where an onlooker described her as “totally out of it.”

“She was talking in a slight accent. It was a little of a British accent,” says the eyewitness. “She kept to herself, quiet, she just wanted to go. She really wanted some Bubblelicious gum and she kept asking Sam for it and got frustrated when he didn’t have any. Her mood lifted when she found some in her bag.” (source)

What’s sick is this doesn’t even faze me anymore. What’s even sicker is that I would probably still bang her. She’s hot in a ’sad stripper in the light of day’ kinda way. You know I’m a sucker for a brokedown tramp who can smile through the tears.

Even though her children have taken from her “indefinitely”, Britney Spears still finds time to reflect and lament her dire and pitiful situation. Wait, I mean she parties like a drunk sorority girl.

“(Spears) is to have telephonic contact with the minor children,” Commissioner Scott Gordon ruled at last week’s hearing. “All prior orders remain in full force and effect.”

The pop singer, 26, has been forbidden to see her sons Preston, 2, and Jayden, 1, for more than three weeks, following her Jan. 3 custody standoff, which ended with her brief hospitalization.

Despite two attempts by her lawyers to regain her visitation rights, Spears cannot see her kids indefinitely, the judge has ruled. (source)

There is something disturbingly sexy about a mentally unstable mother who shirks responsibilities to her children so she can go party with her underwear showing. Maybe it’s the hollow, vacuous stare hidden by sunglasses that really turns me on. All I know is that she makes me want to buy her Newports and tampons. RRrreow!

Britney Spears showed up for court yesterday wearing the same clothes she had on the day before and still sporting the British accent. Cheerio!

Accompanied by Sam Lutfi, the poptard, who was furiously biting her nails, sported the same jeans, boots and $475 L.A.M.B. handbag she was seen in yesterday at Petco. When she arrived at Mark Vincent Kaplan’s office, a braless Britney pulled down the neck of her shirt to expose her shoulders and addressed photographers in a British accent. (source)

So, instead of putting on a suit and showing up for court prepared to fight for her children, Britney showed doing the the walk-of-shame with freshly fucked hair, no bra and her panties in her pocket. If I was the judge I wouldn’t let her have custody of a six piece Chicken McNugget meal, although that might get a little more attention than her kids.

In a surprise move (that surprises no one) , a judge took away Britney’s visitation rights to her children. This comes after weeks of no-shows, missed court appearances and bizarre behavior:

Britney Spears still may not visit her children, a court commissioner ruled Monday, following a custody hearing the pop singer missed.

Kevin Federline, who testified at the session, maintains sole legal and physical custody of their two sons Preston, 2, and Jayden, 1, “indefinitely,” a court spokesman says. (source)

Finally a judge with some balls. Although, feeling relieved that Kevin Federline has sole custody of too small children is kind of like feeling relieved that the hooker you accidentally killed didn’t have syphilis.

 

Britney Spears has (so far) failed to show up for yet another court appearance, for which she was duly subpoenaed, to discuss the custody of her two children. Kevin Federline, showed up 30 minutes early wearing a suit. Perhaps Britney feels like our yankee, redbricker American laws don’t apply to her because she’s from East London all of a sudden. Oi, ‘nutha pint o’ lager, Mary.

Shortly after 9 a.m. (the hearing was scheduled to begin at 9:30), Federline appeared, wearing a blue pinstripe suit and looking confident and upbeat.

As the hearing time passed, Spears, 26, remained at home. A source said she had “no plans” to attend the session. Another source said she had been “strongly advised” by her legal team to attend the hearing, adding that the singer was told that “her attendance is important.” (source)

It’s pretty much a sure bet she’ll lose her kids, but I think we all saw that coming. Britney is a selfish bitch who hates her kids and she’s the worst mom ever. She makes Susan Smith look like Mother Theresa. At least Susan Smith blamed it on getting long shanked by black dude when she drove her kids into the lake. Racism sucks!

Britney Spears and photographer Adnan Ghalib got married in Mexico like a couple of refugees according to reports. Since I don’t care enough about any of this to any background research, I proclaim it to be the truth.  Us Weekly had this:

According to a newspaper in Ensenada, Mexico, El Vigia, the pop star, 26 and her married beau, 35, arrived at the Rosarito Beach Hotel at about 3 p.m. yesterday in a Black Escalade.

What should surprise no one is that the multi-millionaire pop star went of a shopping spree.

During their stay at the hotel, Spears and Ghalib hit up its souvenir shop — where they spent $60 on a fake Gucci handbag, another orange bag and a rosary for Ghalib.

To her credit, she probably thought they were saying greasy hamburger and not  Gucci handbag, which is why $60 seemed cool. Britney was quoted as saying,”These people sure are brown. I cain’t understand a thing they say, but they’re so cute! Can I buy one? Canna? Canna?”

According to friends family and even Dr. Phil, Britney Spears may be bipolar. Which may explain her erratic behavior over the last 2, 5, 10 years.

Two separate sources who are acquaintances of the family believe the singer has never been formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but “there is no question she is bipolar … she’s had manic episodes for years.”  (source)

There are two things that cause bipolar disorder (or bipolar mania as it is termed in the psychological journals).

1. Jack
2. Shit

Bipolar Mania is a made up term used to sell prescription medication to rich teenagers who act up and get labeled misunderstood and sick instead of what they really are: spoiled fucking brats. You give any reasonable person on earth more money than they can spend and a undeserved sense of entitlement and they will be textbook “manic”. Take away their toys [read:children here] and they get “depressed”. Awwww. See how that works? You don’t need a degree in psychology to deal with Britney Spears, you need a strong pimp hand. If her parents had spent more time teaching her to be a polite young lady instead of a how to dance like a whore at 14 maybe she wouldn’t be so fucked up, but how would Pfizer make its Q2 earnings this year?

That said. Now that she’s all vulnerable and medicated, it’s probably a good time to hit that shit.  She has two kids, so we know she puts out.

Well not really. But she did get sent to the hospital this morning for being under the influence of something. I’m inclined to believe she is under the influence of Cheetoe dust and fried cake. Here’s what TMZ had to say:

Once in the ambulance, paramedics can be seen trying to strap her legs down before taking off.

We’re told Britney is being taken to a local hospital on a “medical hold” — essentially a mental evaluation. Cops found her earlier this evening at her home under the influence of an “unknown substance.”

Cops were called to the popnightmare’s home in Beverly Hills this evening, after she reportedly refused to return custody of her two kids to their father’s bodyguard. Oh, the insanity of it all!

Can’t someone just hit her on the head with a hammer? Why is this taking so long? She’s walks pretty slow. You could just leave a Starbucks Mochachino in the parking lot of a 7-11 and wait behind the dumpster. Like we did in Iraq. Oil Rulez!

More claw hammer fodder…

Links:

• Whose Boobs? Italian style! (LG)
• Kimberly Stewart got hot? (Bastardly)
• Guess whose gigantic rack this is. (SeriouslyOMG)
• 100’s of hot nude links. Except mine. Thanks jesus. (DS)
• Who would you rather bang? (Liquid Generation)
• Miranda Kerr and her Aussie boobies. (Jordan)
• Courtney Cox’s asshole. (Yeeeah)
• Jennifer Aniston’s ass in a thong. (IBBB)
• Lindsay Lohan is still a whore. (Allie)
• Vivica Fox cell phone blowjob. (Bumpshack)
• Coco. You got the whole camel in there? (Gone Hollywood)
• This nude chick is smokin’. No really she has a cigarette. (CH)