NSFW - Fatback Media

Look at me. I said ‘preggo‘. Just like those famous British tabloids who say stuff like Jacko, and Madge, and Fish -n- chips and spell words with extra o’s like favourite colour. Anyway. Although she had a baby almost a year ago and is in visibly amazing shape, Jennifer Garner is responding to rumors that she’s pregnant.

“I’m in the worst shape ever,” the size 6-8 (”definitely more an 8″) actress, 34, tells Elle magazine in its January issue. “My trainer just shakes her head and says, ‘This is a disaster.’ ”

Though she kicked butt as the star of Alias and Elektra, these days, she says, “I am as physically unfit as I’ve probably been in my whole life. It’s such a horror in front of the mirror with no clothes on.”

Lifting her sweater to reveal her midriff, she says, “You still have that little bit of extra skin, know what I mean? But still, it’s enough for people to think that you’re knocked up.” (source)

Jesus Christ, who is her trainer? A member of the Justice League? “Yeah, size 8, 120 lbs is okay… I guess…but can you fly? Loser.” Where I come from a 5′9″ southern hottie, with a body like hers who can roundhouse kick you through a wall is considered pretty fit. But then again, I grew up in a household where fried chicken was a condiment. Fatty.

Ben Affleck who’s currently married to Sexy Southern MILF™ Jennifer Garner made an announcement at the recent Hollywood Awards that he was banging his baby sitter.

“The woman I have to thank is the woman who’s home tonight babysitting my daughter,” he said during his winner’s speech for Best Supporting Actor. “She’s the reason most good things have happened to me. So, to the people at my table, if I don’t come back, it’s because I went home to make love to the babysitter.” (source)

Wait. What? OOh. Ben, you devil. You were really talking about your wife Jennifer Garner. My stars, you are a hoot. And I thought Casey was the funny one. All kidding aside, Ben and Jennifer make a ridiculously cute couple. They’re like the poster children for ridiculously adorable cuteness. He seems very loving and she’s a sexy MILF who dotes on her little cute peanut of a baby. Who’s name is Violet. Cute! The only thing cuter than that would be if I were her husband and Ben Affleck was a dirty gas station attendant in South Georgia who couldn’t make change for dollar. See? Cuz I want to sleep with his wife. Get it? Ben you’re not the only one with a razor sharp wit. Zing! Here are some more shots of JennyG (we’re down like that) at the Hollywood Awards right before she went home to babysit her own kid. Perfect. Fucking.Woman.

Hey y’all. I’m back from my trip of drunken sun soaked debauchery in parts due south. Server issues and avian flu notwithstanding, the trip was mighty fine. The south never disappoints. After all the oyster shooter body shots, fried everything, miles of well tanned scantily clad beach beauties and copious amounts of beach sex I am completely exhausted. To all the accommodating folks in Wilmington, NC and Charleston, SC etc, I’d like to say thanks again, and sorry, if necessary, but we’re still friends, right? While I get back up to speed and have my blood filtered at the hospital to remove the alcohol, narcotics and crustacean neurotoxins y’all should check out these links.

The Hills is a new show that I’ll never watch that stars a chick on another show I never watched. (Bricks and Stones)

Rescue Me is a show I’d probably watch if it had more frontal nudity. Not of Dennis leary though. GMMR has an interview and some spoilers. (GMMR)

Sandra Bullock is a frump. Or probably pregnant. It wasn’t me! I had a vasectomy. Or was that a tonsillectomy? (I’m not obsessed)

Rachel Leigh Cook is my secret girlfriend. So secret, she hardly ever sees me. But, I do hide under her bed. Soft hair. So soft. 100% of all bastards agree that she should get more movie roles that involve her being naked. At my house. (The Bastardly)

Ben Affleck gets a ride to the hospital from Sydney Bristow. Diagnosis: headache. (Glitterati)

Oh yeah. shout out to sexy Wildcat, Honey Biscuit who’s moving back down south to my old stomping grounds in Greenville, SC.

In a follow up story to this one, it seems that some parents actually have time to take their kids to the doctor when they are injured. Recently, Violet Ann, the new daughter of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, was rushed to the hospital when her parents noticed that she was having trouble breathing.

In Touch Weekly is reporting that on April 8 the 4-month-old adorable little girl had to be rushed to a medical building in Century City, Calif.

It seems Violet was having difficulty breathing, says an insider, who adds that the baby was also tested for asthma.

The weekly tabloid cites an eyewitness that said, “Ben and Jen looked so worried. As Ben carried Violet, Jen kept peering into the blanket to check on her.” …

They got their little girl in for care and about an hour later, a much calmer family emerged, and they headed straight home with Violet.(source)(image)

I don’t have any kids, but I’m reasonably sure that if they were having trouble breathing or say, had a cracked skull, I would probably take them to the hospital right away. Especially if the hospital was near the all-nude strip club like it is my neighborhood. Two birds. One stone.

I’m pretty psyched that Alias is finally coming back next week after the long hiatus because my quotient of spy hotties has been low lately. Unless you count my Swedish ice skater girlfriend. But she technically doesn’t count because she really didn’t have to defect from Sweden like I made her do. I just told her that so I could bang her and make her cook for me. Jennifer Garner is super-sexy spy heat- even after the baby. Matter of fact, I think she may be a little hotter now that she has little more up front. And I’m an ass man. Well, ass and boobies. Ooh, and teeth. They gotta have ‘em all. I’m sophisticated like that. And now. Spy hotness.