NSFW - Fatback Media

It’s a good time in Miami as Avril Lavigne presses her breasts against her friend and feigns to be caught by suprise by the paparrazi . . . that or something else is going on under the water that we don’t know about. Anyway, Avril and her hubby Derek (and I guess this other girl in the pic) journeyed down to Miami for some fun this week. Avril annoys me greatly because of her faux-punk image. She tries to come off as punk, but she’s really bad at making anyone over the age of 15 buy it, thus my”faux-punk” label. However, she’s really cute in a bikini. I’ll definitely give her that much. So just ignore the pink streaks in her hair and enjoy her in two bikinis from yesterday . . .

 

Singer Avril Lavigne is stirring up gossip over her image for the June cover of Blender magazine, where she is featured seemingly naked from the waist up. Oooh, sinner.

Truth be told, Lavigne revealed to us before taking the stage last night, the photo shoot was a little more innocent than you think. “Actually, I’m not topless on the cover,” she said. “I was wearing a tube top, and they just kind of put a banner on top of it.”

Even if she’s not topless, the 22-year-old is still flaunting her inner bad girl. “The Blender shoot was really fun because it was super rock and roll — we had a bottle of [whiskey] and ate cupcakes,” she said. “Everyone was super cool. It was definitely a different kind of photo shoot for me.” (source)

Cupcakes are so fucking rock‘n’roll. I bet if you slice open Mick Jagger, (besides dust) you’d find a tourniquet, a stripper and dozens of tiny cupcakes. Chocolate ones, with fuckin’ sprinkles. Becuase nothing says rock like tiny baked confections. Except, not. Avril is anything but rock‘n’roll. She’s a 22 year old whino from Canada who thinks she’s badass because she cusses and dates sk8er bois. If she were a real rock chick, she’d be naked in that photo giving Joe Perry a handjob while another girl tongues her Lizard King breast tattoo. But most importantly, she wouldn’t be talking about it because she wouldn’t have to. Can you believe these new girls? None of them use birth control and they eat all the steak. Whores. Here’s Avril at the Maxim Hot 100 Party.

Damn, Jessica Simpson. Those cheese and mayonnaise sandwiches have been working. The only time it’s ever good for a girl to get fat and happy, is if a) she had an eating disorder and b) her boobs get fucking enormous. I hear that she and John Mayer have broken up, but the happy time did her (and us) some good. I mean, her hair looks like she colored it with a Lemon Sport Snapple and the dress is borderline ridiculous… Wait. No. It’s totally ridiculous. But I can’t hold that against her because of the giant rack.

The same thing happens at Hooters. I tell myself, the slutty girls are just flirty to get my money. And no matter how much I spend, they will not flash their rack at me, much less give me a hand job. (PS. I found that last one out the hard way. Apparently there is some law?) A great rack can cancel out busted up features. Like that girl at the drive through with DD’s. It’s an ancient magical balancing effect that makes greasy haired slutty chicks hot. I can’t explain it. What am I a sorcerer? Magic LINKS!

Update: I’m usually not paranoid but if that dude up there keeps staring at me, I might have to unleash the fury.

• Six Degrees of Britney’s vagina. (Celebrity Hubris)
• Maria Menounos is pretty hot. Way better than Billy Bush. (Bastardly)
• Awesome video of a chick trying out her new stripper pole. If by awesome you mean she falls on her head. (Ebaums)
• Jesus interviewed Rachel Style from Ugly Betty. She’s nerd hot. Or just hot. And you’re a nerd. (DS)
• Speaking of boobies, I think you’re sister who’s away at school has a hot rack. (CH)
• Avril Lavigne is a pissy little bitch. (Yeeeah)
• Britney Spears is trying to be a diva when she needs to sit back and enjoy the fact that we alsmost think she’s hot again. (Bump shack)

Sanjaya is gone folks. I think he actually knew it going into it though. He still balled like a little girl ,so I lost all respect for him. I’m waiting for the Idol castoff that refuses to sing though the tears and decides to fucking show out. For instance, Sanjaya should have kicked Simon right in balls and and bent Paula right over the judges table and long poled her on national TV. I bet that little girl would have really cried then. Plus Paula is high and kinda slutty, so it’s not like she’d put up a fuss. Sanjaya would look at the camera and wink, “I’ll show you a cold hearted snake“.

The one tragedy in all this is that Shyamali and her awesome paper sack brown boobies will no longer be in the audience for DVR fodder. I guess I’ll have to wait for the Olivia Mojica sex tape to come out for my American Idol perv fix. Girlfriend is a freeeeak…LINKS!

• More pics of Fergie in her panties on the set of her new video. (DS)
• Mandy Moore barely legal bikini pics you perv. (Bastardly)
• Angelina Jolie is fucking crazy. She brought out the knives on her boyfriend during sex. Is is okay to have wood while you’re scared shitless? (Celebitchy)
• Larry Birkhead’s gay lover is a bat child alien from the planet of hell. Or something. (Bricks and Stones)
• Paula Abdul is a bitch. (Derek Hail)
• Michelle Rodriguez is out of house arrest. Sweet. (ICYDK)
• Britney is almost back to fighting weight. (D-Listed)
• Avril Lavigne is a douche. That’s French for douche. (Yeeeah)
• Last but not least, College Girls’ Boobies. It never gets old. (CH)