God Damn Linsday Lohan.You know you can not listen to stylist if you want to. How can you take something like Lindsay Lohan in short-shorts and make it look all busted up like this? I’ve seen hotter outfits on middle aged mom’s at Skynyrd concerts, in the 90’s. The thing is, Lindsay put on those giant Corey Feldman a la Dream a Little Dream Ray Bans and the Gallagher suspenders and walked out of her house feeling hot. Meanwhile, she looks likes Cyndi Lauper at a ZZ Top concert. Maybe we can swap some jelly bracelets and I’ll let her borrow my parachute pants. Bitch better stay away from my Member’s Only jacket. It’s for members only. LINKS!

• Lord, Beer me strength. Office Swag from GMMR. (GMMR)
• Ashlee Simpson is the hot sister. (Bastardly)
• God damn, maybe I was wrong. (Bumpshack)
• A little Britney Ass crack. (DS)
• Posh’s nips of steel. (Yeeeah)

More Lindsay at Coachella. Mouse over the thumbnails or click them to get a an ’80’s song stuck in your head all day. Love, me.

I’m a sexy superstar who reads Details magazine, so I know a lot about fashion. [For instance, did you know that the square toe shoe is so totally out right now? Well according to the manly men at Details it is. So take your Aldo discount shoes and just give 'em to a homeless guy or get laughed at by masculine fellows like me, dude.] Why is Ashlee Simspon wearing my grandmas jacket? Why do people in LA think it’s cool wear frumpy clothes just because it’s winter everywhere else? It’s 75 degrees every damn day in Los Angeles. You’re not fooling anyone Ashlee. Except my grandma. Who wants her cloak back you bitch.

Click the links:

• Mischa Barton has nice legs (DS)
• Mischa Barton’s sister is a god damn lunatic (Bastardly)
• Paris Hilton’s big fake tits (Bumpshack)
• Mardi Gras Boobies. (CH)
• If you can’t jackoff on a guy on the set of American Idol, then what kind of country is this? (Yeeeah)
• Jennifer Hudson gets free Burger King for life because she’s bitch. (INO)
• The 300 premiered this week. Everybody dies. Read a book. (Pajiba)
• Moby wants to make sweet sweeet love to Britney Spears. Not really. (Holly Scoop)

So our servers are back online and I am finally out of NORAD for the duration, although I did get to play some computer chess with Joshua. Hopefully, the anal raping we gave the servers will teach them a lesson: never fail me. Never. Anyhoo. I have some stories on deck and Emily does too so we’ll get those up ASAP. Till then here is Ashlee Simpson’s nipple and some hot links to tide you over, sugar.

• Vanessa Minnillo is a dirty bird. Just like I like ‘em. (Yeeeah)
• Lisa Dergan is hot. Yeah.No clue. (Bastardly)
• Always a good time for College boobies. Especially girl college boobies. (College Humor)
• Olsen Twin Nip Slips. Uncle Jesse! (Drunken Stepfather)
• Scarlett Johansson is a fussy bitch. Justin Timberlake is a whiny bitch. (INO)
• Prince is going to start his own magazine. That will be the nastiest porn ever. I just had a mini-O. (Glitterati)
• Jessica Simpson is wo’ out.So Joe is all about some Ashlee now. (Socialite’s Life)
• Justin T and Cameron D are broke the fuck up. (Popbytes)
• Angie Harmon See thru. Sexy Southern nipples y’all! (Subvert)

To all you sexy people who were worried about us in our absence, thanks. The battle station is fully operational now.

According to the always right and rare Page Six, Taye Diggs may be getting some backstage help from his new understudy Ashlee Simpson. See what I did there? because he was a stage actor in RENT and understudies are…whatever.

November 22, 2006 — IDINA Menzel, you’d better watch your man. Taye Diggs, who married his “Rent” co-star in 2003, was spotted “cheek to cheek” with Ashlee Simpson at G Spa last week. They took tequila shots and were intimately whispering and intertwining arms for a half hour. A rep for Simpson says she and Diggs are “just friends.” (source)

Taye Diggs is a married, black guy, who amongst other things is a singing, dancing stage actor from a musical about HIV/AIDS drug use and sex. Ashlee hit the fucking jackpot. On a scale of 1-10 worst nightmares for redneck Texas fathers (10 being worst) this is like a 799.  I think Taye Diggs should go on a date with Ashlee wearing a t-shirt that says ‘Ashlee, the other white meat‘ because Joe Simpson’s head would literally explode.

What’s better than filthy, disease ridden Europeans spreading pestilence and vermin to the New World, thereby ushering in centuries of forced religious indoctrination, rape and injustice in the name of the Lord? Well, just about anything. Especially, celebrity gossip! Enjoy, history buffs!

• Check out the Catfight Scorecard. Double handed hair pulling is 5 points. I wonder what happens if they kiss? (College Humor)
• Columbian Druglord Hotness: Paula Garces. (Bastardly)
• Interview with Asa Akira. Haven’t heard of her either? She’s a stripper not a whore. (Drunken Stepfather)
• J-Lo got J-Litigated for not paying her J-billz.Whatever. (Glitterati)
• Fergilicious got Fergiphotoshop’d. (Yeeah!)
• Ashlee Simpson is a product of modern science, but she’s still hot. (Smart)
• Pajiba has the review for The Departed. I just hope it’s not one of those Scorcese Everybody Dies movies. Oops!(Pajiba)
• Britney asked Annie Leibovitz to photograph her family. That’s like asking Da Vinci to have sex with your sister. Which makes about as much sense as Britney Spears. (Gossip or Truth)
• Mecedes McNab and her cock-eyed boobies. NSFW! (IDLYITW)

BTW. I couldnt find any images of Columbus with hot chicks in them so there’s Pocahontas. The caption should read, “Hi, I’m Pocahontas wishing you and yours a happy Columbus Day. Don’t rape us!“