NSFW - Fatback Media

God Damn Linsday Lohan.You know you can not listen to stylist if you want to. How can you take something like Lindsay Lohan in short-shorts and make it look all busted up like this? I’ve seen hotter outfits on middle aged mom’s at Skynyrd concerts, in the 90’s. The thing is, Lindsay put on those giant Corey Feldman a la Dream a Little Dream Ray Bans and the Gallagher suspenders and walked out of her house feeling hot. Meanwhile, she looks likes Cyndi Lauper at a ZZ Top concert. Maybe we can swap some jelly bracelets and I’ll let her borrow my parachute pants. Bitch better stay away from my Member’s Only jacket. It’s for members only. LINKS!

• Lord, Beer me strength. Office Swag from GMMR. (GMMR)
• Ashlee Simpson is the hot sister. (Bastardly)
• God damn, maybe I was wrong. (Bumpshack)
• A little Britney Ass crack. (DS)
• Posh’s nips of steel. (Yeeeah)

More Lindsay at Coachella. Mouse over the thumbnails or click them to get a an ’80’s song stuck in your head all day. Love, me.

I’m a sexy superstar who reads Details magazine, so I know a lot about fashion. [For instance, did you know that the square toe shoe is so totally out right now? Well according to the manly men at Details it is. So take your Aldo discount shoes and just give 'em to a homeless guy or get laughed at by masculine fellows like me, dude.] Why is Ashlee Simspon wearing my grandmas jacket? Why do people in LA think it’s cool wear frumpy clothes just because it’s winter everywhere else? It’s 75 degrees every damn day in Los Angeles. You’re not fooling anyone Ashlee. Except my grandma. Who wants her cloak back you bitch.

Click the links:

• Mischa Barton has nice legs (DS)
• Mischa Barton’s sister is a god damn lunatic (Bastardly)
• Paris Hilton’s big fake tits (Bumpshack)
• Mardi Gras Boobies. (CH)
• If you can’t jackoff on a guy on the set of American Idol, then what kind of country is this? (Yeeeah)
• Jennifer Hudson gets free Burger King for life because she’s bitch. (INO)
• The 300 premiered this week. Everybody dies. Read a book. (Pajiba)
• Moby wants to make sweet sweeet love to Britney Spears. Not really. (Holly Scoop)

So our servers are back online and I am finally out of NORAD for the duration, although I did get to play some computer chess with Joshua. Hopefully, the anal raping we gave the servers will teach them a lesson: never fail me. Never. Anyhoo. I have some stories on deck and Emily does too so we’ll get those up ASAP. Till then here is Ashlee Simpson’s nipple and some hot links to tide you over, sugar.

• Vanessa Minnillo is a dirty bird. Just like I like ‘em. (Yeeeah)
• Lisa Dergan is hot. Yeah.No clue. (Bastardly)
• Always a good time for College boobies. Especially girl college boobies. (College Humor)
• Olsen Twin Nip Slips. Uncle Jesse! (Drunken Stepfather)
• Scarlett Johansson is a fussy bitch. Justin Timberlake is a whiny bitch. (INO)
• Prince is going to start his own magazine. That will be the nastiest porn ever. I just had a mini-O. (Glitterati)
• Jessica Simpson is wo’ out.So Joe is all about some Ashlee now. (Socialite’s Life)
• Justin T and Cameron D are broke the fuck up. (Popbytes)
• Angie Harmon See thru. Sexy Southern nipples y’all! (Subvert)

To all you sexy people who were worried about us in our absence, thanks. The battle station is fully operational now.

According to the always right and rare Page Six, Taye Diggs may be getting some backstage help from his new understudy Ashlee Simpson. See what I did there? because he was a stage actor in RENT and understudies are…whatever.

November 22, 2006 — IDINA Menzel, you’d better watch your man. Taye Diggs, who married his “Rent” co-star in 2003, was spotted “cheek to cheek” with Ashlee Simpson at G Spa last week. They took tequila shots and were intimately whispering and intertwining arms for a half hour. A rep for Simpson says she and Diggs are “just friends.” (source)

Taye Diggs is a married, black guy, who amongst other things is a singing, dancing stage actor from a musical about HIV/AIDS drug use and sex. Ashlee hit the fucking jackpot. On a scale of 1-10 worst nightmares for redneck Texas fathers (10 being worst) this is like a 799.  I think Taye Diggs should go on a date with Ashlee wearing a t-shirt that says ‘Ashlee, the other white meat‘ because Joe Simpson’s head would literally explode.

What’s better than filthy, disease ridden Europeans spreading pestilence and vermin to the New World, thereby ushering in centuries of forced religious indoctrination, rape and injustice in the name of the Lord? Well, just about anything. Especially, celebrity gossip! Enjoy, history buffs!

• Check out the Catfight Scorecard. Double handed hair pulling is 5 points. I wonder what happens if they kiss? (College Humor)
• Columbian Druglord Hotness: Paula Garces. (Bastardly)
• Interview with Asa Akira. Haven’t heard of her either? She’s a stripper not a whore. (Drunken Stepfather)
• J-Lo got J-Litigated for not paying her J-billz.Whatever. (Glitterati)
• Fergilicious got Fergiphotoshop’d. (Yeeah!)
• Ashlee Simpson is a product of modern science, but she’s still hot. (Smart)
• Pajiba has the review for The Departed. I just hope it’s not one of those Scorcese Everybody Dies movies. Oops!(Pajiba)
• Britney asked Annie Leibovitz to photograph her family. That’s like asking Da Vinci to have sex with your sister. Which makes about as much sense as Britney Spears. (Gossip or Truth)
• Mecedes McNab and her cock-eyed boobies. NSFW! (IDLYITW)

BTW. I couldnt find any images of Columbus with hot chicks in them so there’s Pocahontas. The caption should read, “Hi, I’m Pocahontas wishing you and yours a happy Columbus Day. Don’t rape us!“

Jessica Simpson and her sister Ashlee are destined for the fires of hell according to a Baptist minister who is lashing out at them for using sex to sell their records. Reverend Bob Harrington is publicly chastising the girls and their father for turning away from their religion for profits.

“Their father has replaced his faith in the Lord with the love of money, which is the root of all evil. He has replaced holiness with horniness,” the Sun quoted the holy man, as saying.

“They don’t represent American standards and certainly not Christian standards,” he added.

The religious leader has also used harsh words for the Dukes Of Hazzard star’s most prized possession - her over-sized boobs. He has said their boobs would end up drooping as punishment for their sins.

“Jessica and Ashlee will reap the dismal crops they are sowing. Their breasts will sag and their faces will wither and they will be left with nothing but a hollow shell,” said the priest. (source)

I think the fires of hell will welcome them both, with fiery open arms. Somehow, I picture this guy looking like the creepy dude in the black hat from Poltergeist 2. I’m not sure how comfortable I would feel going to church with him as the preacher. Of course, Sunday mornings in my house were spent watching my mom cry to the 700 Club because my newest “uncle” took off before breakfast and stole her smokes. Sinner.
 

Holy shit. Ashlee Simpson is hot. What the hell happened? I spend a little time covering her big sister’s divorce and she goes out and gets smokin’ hot. I know she’s had a nip/tuck or two, but hey, everyone gets a little something done here and there. I mean some girls get invisline, or dye their hair. What’s the difference in that, and having 3.17342 millimeters of bone chiseled off the bridge of your nose? About $27,000 difference, I think. I’ve even had some work done myself. Actually, my mom did it when I was a baby. Although, it wasn’t exactly cosmetic. She had a bar welded to my baby shoes so I couldn’t run away. She was real smart like that.

While I finish off this bowl of Chicken and Dumplings, check out what’s going on around internet.

Woody Allen is a Perv. Oh, and he made a movie with Scarlett Johansson where he has sex with her everyday until the end of time. Wait. That might have been a dream I had. (Glitterati)

Norah Jones is filming a movie with Jude Law. They aren’t even dating yet and I think he has already cheated on her. (ICYDK)

Paris Hilton is god damn idiot. Oh, and she is attempting to be stylish by wearing gloves that she bought at Marshall’s. Stupid Irregulars. (VHT)

Alyssa Milano is hot, hairy Italian heat. As long as she shaves her legs, pits and her holier-than-thou then I’m in. (The Bastardly)

Givememyremote.com begins “The Office Summer Cartoon Series”, inked by super sexy artist Meg. Enjoy the Scrantonicity. (GMMR)

Ashlee Simpson turned down $4 million dollars to get naked for Playboy. Give me $40 and bottle of Tequila and I can have her dancing naked on the bar in 2 hours. Make sure you get a camera with a Flash. Oh, and photoshop me out of the pics, too. I have a secret identity to protect.(Tabloid Whore)

Wow. Another set of candids of Kristin Cavallari not doing anything but still remaining famous somehow. The best way to be really famous is to sleep with an super hot internet writer who has a double life as a crime fighter, like me. (Bricks and Stones)

At least one of the Beckhams has a skill. (Ed. Note: Ladies, don’t say I never think about you. Gratuitous man flesh follows)(Holly Scoop)

Speaking of soccer, and gratuitous flesh (the good kind) here’s Pamela David’s nude rack. I have no idea who she is, but as usual I fell in love with her immediately. (Subvert Society)

Nicole Kidman and Kieth Urban are on their honeymoon. I bet when they have sex it sounds like bag full of broomsticks hitting the ground. (INO)