NSFW – Fatback Media

Jessica Simpson is set to open a chain of BBQ restaurants called ‘Daisy Dukes’ that will feature scantily clad waitresses dressed in short-shorts.

The business plan was thought up by Jessica’s father and manager, Joe Simpson, 48.A source told America’s Life and Style Weekly magazine: “Joe’s going to make a lot of money from this.”

The flagship eatery will open in Las Vegas’ Caesar’s Palace next year, and Jessica will reportedly commit to make at least five appearances at the venue each year.
(source)

Well there’s nothing creepy about that at all. Except. Everything. The last thing I want when I’m getting waited on by a hot country chick dressed like she’s headed to a biker rally is her sweaty father sidled up to the bar, wiping his hands on his shirt and mumbling in my ear about what a great rack his daughter has. That said. What a great fucking idea. It’s like Hooters for hot southern chicks. The only problem is that there’s already a place like that. It’s called EVERY STEAK HOUSE BELOW Baltimore. Good try, though Joe. Great business plan. Why don’t you just become a photographer and take pictures of your own daughter for your collection. Right. You already did. So here are some pictures of April Scott, somebody else’s daughter who likes to wear Daisy Dukes. Get it? Because she’s the new…Whatever. Why do I try?

[Ed. note: Thank you to all you Spelly Spellertons who regularly write in with your witty comments about how bad I spell. It's called a copy editor, and I don't have one. I can spell and so can my spell check, but I can't type for shit. Plus, I write naked. That may not have anything to do with it, but I just wanted you to know that because we are such good friends. So thanks for the constructive criticism. Except, not.]

This story has been confirmed for a while, but I a) had never seen April Scott and b) didn’t know she was a little christian hottie from down south. (I like my girls with some god damn values). According to her website she actually grew up on a farm with cows and shit which made me fall instantly in love with her. Country girls kick ass.

Hailing from Southeast Missouri where she was raised on a farm – yes with cows and chickens, drop dead gorgeous April Scott blends the best of French, Native Americans, and Spanish blood – Voila… Instant babe.

Winner of an amazing 85 beauty pageant crowns, April attended a private Christian University in Branson, MO and was awarded a BS in theater with a minor in rhetoric. Her grade point average in college was an astounding 4.083, which earned April valedictorian honors for her class in 2001.

She made the move west to pursue an acting career and arrived with a bang not a whimper. During her first week in Los Angeles, April landed an agent and within 2 months had earned her SAG (Screen Actors Guild) card.(source) (via:A Socialite’s life)

I’m not too sure about that pedigree though. In my experience country folk don’t have their lineage past a few generations. Like when I asked my mom in the first grade what we were she said , “I don’t know about me, but you’re a white trash little shit with a lisp and borderline Down Sydrome from all the pot I smoked when I was pregnant, or was it Quaalude’s? Nobody has Quaalude’s anymore.” Then she kind of trailed off. My dad basically said that a I was real live son-of-a-bitch, and that all women were whores. “Never trust ‘em”. Then the guard took him back to his cell. At the time I was seven and I didn’t really know what things like Munchausen Syndrome and assault and battery with attempt to kill were. It took a few Thorazine Injections and some shock therapy to really hammer those home. Good times. Speaking of good times, here’s the new Daisy Duke: April Scott.

Images (Socialite’s Life and Aprilscott.com)