NSFW - Fatback Media

Tara Conner is hitting the publicity circuit, now that she’s out of rehab and soon to be replaced after the new 2007 Miss America is chosen this month. She recently sat down with Myrtle Beach native, Nancy O’Dell for an interview for Access Hollywood. Let’s listen in shall we?

“I feel one million times better,” she added.

Conner, who entered a Pennsylvania rehab facility on December 21, 2006, said she has just passed her 90 days of sobriety (94 days as of March 15, 2007) and said that she is sensing things that she never felt before.

“Yeah, I was completely numb. When I got my 90 day chip or coin I cried…I will cry when I am happy or I will get so excited…” Conner added that her next sobriety milestone she is aiming for is her “one year” and said that “is going to be great, God-willing, I will make it there.” (source)

I know this is probably inappropriate, but that sounds sad and dirty and it kinda turns me on. Everyone knows that chicks in rehab are easy… because they’re quitters. The reason I pointed out that Nancy O’Dell is from Myrtle Beach is to make a point about being a southern girl and making sure you keep your ass between the ditches. Nancy O’Dell rose through the ranks as a journalist on several respected southeastern news stations to become a poised, attractive television personality. Sure, she had her whore phase, (who doesn’t) but she had the decency to do that shit behind closed doors.

Tara Conner, on the other hand typifies the naiveté of the rebel choir girl gone bad who hits the big city only to find out that the world is a lot bigger and a lot more soul crushing than she could have imagined. Back home she was daddy’s little princess and the hot thang who landed the guy with the biggest lift kit on his 4X4 - to the envy of all the other country girls. But to big city(i.e the world outside), she was just another 20 year old with an appetite for destruction that was all too easily accommodated. My point? It’s better to burn out than fade away, bitches! I threw in one pic of Katie Rees just because I love you like that. Really.

UPDATE: Looks like I ruffled a few sexy tail feathers. Check out the comments.

Jessica Simpson, who’s currently dating singer John “LuckyFuck” Mayer, recently told an interviewer that she wants to adopt a baby.

So what’s getting Jessica in the mothering mood? Her dogs, at least according to the New York Post’s Cindy Adams. But the pop princess, whose been cavorting all over America with boyfriend John Mayer, isn’t quite ready to pump out little Jesses. (source)

Well that makes perfect sense. I like that we are looking to our pets for inspiration now. Why wait to have kids until you’re financially and emotionally prepared, when you can watch a puppy piss on your new rug and go buy a baby instead? I’ll tell you why. Because that’s what idiots do. Children are not toys that you can discard later when you’re bored.  Children are people. Little, tiny, not very smart people with small hands so they can get into all that machinery down at the factory better. Plus they’ll work for food.

The only pictures I could find of Jessica were of her walking in the rain the other day and since this site is about taking Awesomeness for ride into Funtown then slipping it a roofie, having rough sex with it then leaving it tired and smoking a menthol in the bed of a 4X4, I’m posting some pictures of April Scott as Daisy Duke in the Prequel series Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning.  Because before they became the Dukes, they were just redneck cousins fucking each other for moonshine.

So I’m back. I know most of you have been weeping a silent requiem for us since we were ghosted into the machine by the always supportive Godaddy.com and a hot Russian chick named Tatyana. I assume she’s hot because she’s Russian and all Russian women who work for nudey magazines are hot. Anyway, Godaddy’s inability to hold their virtual liquor, notwithstanding (They disabled my database during peak time because the load was crashing their datacenter. Pussies.), someone complained about some images that I had on the site. And well, Godaddy did what is does best, tucked their tail and shut down the site without even a warning or giving me a chance to rectify the situation. I won’t go into all the details, but needless to say I moved to a new server and host and we should be five-by-five now. During the migration and the upgrades some hinkey things happened with the images on the single pages so I’ll either fix those or just leave them. OH, BTW. I invited Tatyana (the chick from the popular Men’s Magazine) to a Gmail account and asked if she would send me some royalty free topless photos of herself to post in place of the ones I had to delete. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks to all you hard core muthafuckas who helped me get back up and running and to all of you who sent in topless photos to ease my pain. Except that one dude with the three(?) nipples. Just weird man.

Spread ther greasy fatback love, y’all.

• Dita Von Teese sloppy cleavage from Jesus himself. (DS)
• Kelly Hu’s on first. With a see-thru top. ZING! (Subvert)
• April Scott in lingerie. Why doesn’t that rhyme with fingery? (Bastardly)
• Kurt Cobain was a shitty dad for about 2 seconds then he blew his brains out. Quitter. (Yeeeah)
• Scarlett Johansson is still hot. (Allie is wired sexy)
• K-Fed is crafty. Like Cheddar Cheese. (Cele|bitchy)
• Speaking of boobies. (College Humor)
• Check  out the CELEBRITY SEARCH ENGINE  (QuiteFamo.us)

Ok, it’s the holidays and things are slow so I’m going through the posting queue and pulling out some also-rans. Enjoy the stale news bitches.

Repeat after me: Nicole Richie was not in rehab. She was in rehab, wasn’t she?

Nicole Richie wants to clear the air once and for all!

An eyewitness tells Life & Style that the skinny starlet, who had reportedly gone into rehab to seek help for her weight, marched up to gossip blogger Perez Hilton today at LA’s Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and insisted to him: “I was NOT in rehab! Everyone was wrong. I did not go to rehab.” (source)

While probably laden with swimming pools, tennis courts, caviar and movie stars, I’m still pretty sure that building is considered an institution. And your seminar on ‘how to eat more than 6 raisins’ is probably considered therapy. And your 78-pound frame is almost certainly considered to be the cause of an eating disorder. I’m not a doctor, but I have watched several episodes of Grey’s Anatomy so I’m quite sure that qualifies me to make these judgments. Now I’m off to eat a cheeseburger (extra mayo!) while watching my “stories”. Here are some pictures of April Scott a woman who knows what curves are supposed look like.
 

Jessica Simpson is set to open a chain of BBQ restaurants called ‘Daisy Dukes’ that will feature scantily clad waitresses dressed in short-shorts.

The business plan was thought up by Jessica’s father and manager, Joe Simpson, 48.A source told America’s Life and Style Weekly magazine: “Joe’s going to make a lot of money from this.”

The flagship eatery will open in Las Vegas’ Caesar’s Palace next year, and Jessica will reportedly commit to make at least five appearances at the venue each year.
(source)

Well there’s nothing creepy about that at all. Except. Everything. The last thing I want when I’m getting waited on by a hot country chick dressed like she’s headed to a biker rally is her sweaty father sidled up to the bar, wiping his hands on his shirt and mumbling in my ear about what a great rack his daughter has. That said. What a great fucking idea. It’s like Hooters for hot southern chicks. The only problem is that there’s already a place like that. It’s called EVERY STEAK HOUSE BELOW Baltimore. Good try, though Joe. Great business plan. Why don’t you just become a photographer and take pictures of your own daughter for your collection. Right. You already did. So here are some pictures of April Scott, somebody else’s daughter who likes to wear Daisy Dukes. Get it? Because she’s the new…Whatever. Why do I try?

[Ed. note: Thank you to all you Spelly Spellertons who regularly write in with your witty comments about how bad I spell. It's called a copy editor, and I don't have one. I can spell and so can my spell check, but I can't type for shit. Plus, I write naked. That may not have anything to do with it, but I just wanted you to know that because we are such good friends. So thanks for the constructive criticism. Except, not.]

This story has been confirmed for a while, but I a) had never seen April Scott and b) didn’t know she was a little christian hottie from down south. (I like my girls with some god damn values). According to her website she actually grew up on a farm with cows and shit which made me fall instantly in love with her. Country girls kick ass.

Hailing from Southeast Missouri where she was raised on a farm – yes with cows and chickens, drop dead gorgeous April Scott blends the best of French, Native Americans, and Spanish blood – Voila… Instant babe.

Winner of an amazing 85 beauty pageant crowns, April attended a private Christian University in Branson, MO and was awarded a BS in theater with a minor in rhetoric. Her grade point average in college was an astounding 4.083, which earned April valedictorian honors for her class in 2001.

She made the move west to pursue an acting career and arrived with a bang not a whimper. During her first week in Los Angeles, April landed an agent and within 2 months had earned her SAG (Screen Actors Guild) card.(source) (via:A Socialite’s life)

I’m not too sure about that pedigree though. In my experience country folk don’t have their lineage past a few generations. Like when I asked my mom in the first grade what we were she said , “I don’t know about me, but you’re a white trash little shit with a lisp and borderline Down Sydrome from all the pot I smoked when I was pregnant, or was it Quaalude’s? Nobody has Quaalude’s anymore.” Then she kind of trailed off. My dad basically said that a I was real live son-of-a-bitch, and that all women were whores. “Never trust ‘em”. Then the guard took him back to his cell. At the time I was seven and I didn’t really know what things like Munchausen Syndrome and assault and battery with attempt to kill were. It took a few Thorazine Injections and some shock therapy to really hammer those home. Good times. Speaking of good times, here’s the new Daisy Duke: April Scott.

Images (Socialite’s Life and Aprilscott.com)