NSFW - Fatback Media

That’s Jessica Biel and that’s Jessica Biel’s underwear folks. Tuesdays usually suck because, well, they’re Tuesdays, but today is alright because Jessica Biel looks hot with short hair and with her underwear showing. The movie she’s shooting (she’s filming a scene here) is called Powder Blue and it has this riveting yet evocative plot description:

Four desperate individuals intersect in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve. (IMDB)

Booyah! That description just slammed in me the face with awesome, drove right over me and dragged me down the dirt road of exposition, tied me to a fence and left me to die in tagline heaven. If that wasn’t enough to get your action pants on, it looks like Jessica Biel will be wearing a wife beater the whole time. I think I hear Oscar calling. More Jess is under there. Get it?

Links if you made it this far.

• Madonna’s panties for sale! (Notorious)
• Hot College girl of the week. Amber from Cleveland State. (College humor)
• Paris Hilton Toe Glove shoes? (Celebrity Smack)
• Ashley Tisdale at Billy Joel. Perv. (Bastardly)
• Eva Herzigova upskirt. Is she from Bosina or Croatia? (DS)
• Lilly Allen work visa for USA revoked. I guess we’ll have to break up now. (SeriouslyOMG)
• Paris Hilton camo bikini. where’d she go?! (Jordan)
• Britney Spears wrecks her car like dumb ass redneck. (yeeeah)
• Lindsay Lohan sex scene. .(Ninja Dude)
• Antonella Barba still trying sing. Still hot, but still sucking. (Bumpshack)
• The Bourne Ultimatum kicks ass. (Pajiba)

So yeah. Whatever. I thought my last post Britney Spears topless was going to pay my rent this month like Antonella Barba did last month. However, it turns out that paparazzi photos, or this case, ’stolen from someone who knows Britney’ photos cost 1G a pop. And what me havin’ bitches in tha livin’ room gettin’ on and they ain’t leavin’ till 6 in tha mo’nin’, I gotta hang on to these ends, yo. Anyway, buzzkill rent takers aside, there actually is some shit worth reading on the web today. I’m keeping it to myself though. Fuck you.

• Here are the Topless Britney Spears pictures in case you came here for them. Although I think I’d rather see Allie topless. Reeeow. Blogger boobies! (Allie)
• Kimberly Stewart at Coachella. Looking like a roachella. Yeah. That’s what I said. (Bastardly)
• Lindsay Lohan is a whore and she’s off the wagon. The whore wagon. (Don’t Judge me)
• Jesus take the wheeel. Or Sienna Miller’s nip slip. Whatevs, deity. (DS)
• They should call his mom GANJAYA SMOKALAR. That’s the name of my bong. (Bumpshack)
• More Britney Spears topless. Now with MORE DAISY! (Yeeeah)
• Speaking of boobies, these are NOT pictures of Britney Spears Boobs, they ARE pics of hot slutty college girls. (CH)
• Self referential link to another link post that a links back to my site and a picture of Jessica Simpson’s rack. (GoT)

More of Jamie Lynn Spears the cantankerous Spears sister. Wait, I meant cankerous.

By now you’ve probably heard about the latest former American Idol contestant to embarrass her family and generally act like a drunken piece of trash, Jessica Sierra. It seems that ole’ Jess got herself into a bit of trouble on Saturday night when she got into a bar fight in Tampa and was found to have some Bolivian marching powder in her purse. She was reportedly abusive to the arresting officers after she threw a cocktail glass at a fellow booze hound.

It appears that since she was kicked off of Idol, Jessica Sierra (porno name, anyone?) has tried to get a record contact and has been WORKING AT HOOTERS. Let’s see: cocaine, alcohol, trampy name, reality show cast-off, and now my favorite delightfully tacky, yet unrefined restaurant. This girl’s life reads like a Mad Libs of American white trash. To complete the sweep, she might as well release a sex tape that was filmed in her single-wide where she smokes Kools and chugs Boone’s Farm straight from the bottle. God bless Tampa, home of 94% of America’s whores, and God bless Jessica Sierra and the plate of curly fries and wings she is currently serving to a trucker.

While I wouldn’t fuck Jessica Sierra with Kelly Clarkson’s dick, I do have a soft spot for the lovely Ms. Carrie Underwood. Something tells me that Carrie’s never donned orange hot pants and a tank top. [Ed. note: Shooter, I just know she has. If there is a a god in heaven...]

Sanjaya is gone folks. I think he actually knew it going into it though. He still balled like a little girl ,so I lost all respect for him. I’m waiting for the Idol castoff that refuses to sing though the tears and decides to fucking show out. For instance, Sanjaya should have kicked Simon right in balls and and bent Paula right over the judges table and long poled her on national TV. I bet that little girl would have really cried then. Plus Paula is high and kinda slutty, so it’s not like she’d put up a fuss. Sanjaya would look at the camera and wink, “I’ll show you a cold hearted snake“.

The one tragedy in all this is that Shyamali and her awesome paper sack brown boobies will no longer be in the audience for DVR fodder. I guess I’ll have to wait for the Olivia Mojica sex tape to come out for my American Idol perv fix. Girlfriend is a freeeeak…LINKS!

• More pics of Fergie in her panties on the set of her new video. (DS)
• Mandy Moore barely legal bikini pics you perv. (Bastardly)
• Angelina Jolie is fucking crazy. She brought out the knives on her boyfriend during sex. Is is okay to have wood while you’re scared shitless? (Celebitchy)
• Larry Birkhead’s gay lover is a bat child alien from the planet of hell. Or something. (Bricks and Stones)
• Paula Abdul is a bitch. (Derek Hail)
• Michelle Rodriguez is out of house arrest. Sweet. (ICYDK)
• Britney is almost back to fighting weight. (D-Listed)
• Avril Lavigne is a douche. That’s French for douche. (Yeeeah)
• Last but not least, College Girls’ Boobies. It never gets old. (CH)

Man that Hayden Panetierre is making me question my rule about underage chicks. Which is: don’t do it. Unless you’re out of town and the bouncers let her in on a fake ID. Speaking of… where the hell is Heroes? I’m interested to see more of that new shapeshifter chick from the Stick it. Yeah, I saw it. Where do you think the girl with the fake ID and I went for our first date? Missy Peregrym (from Stick it, duh)is pretty smokin’ hot in a manly Jessica Biel sorta way. Sometimes I need to be held. LINKS!

• This site is chock full o’ pics of Hayden Panetierre for you hard candy lovers. (Celebrity Hubris)
• Chick from the Pussy Cat Dolls,barley dressed. (Phun)
• Britney Spears is like the Peter Pan of pop stars. Except stupid. (IDLYITW)
• Jessica Biel is man-some women. It’s a mixed up mumbled up shook up world. (Yeeeah)
• Lindsay Lohan is a scissor sister. (DS)
• Sanjaya: deconstructed. (Celebrity smack)
• Clara in King magazine. Shazam! (Bastardly)
• In case you missed it. The Olivia Mojica sex tape trailer (FBC)

Besides Sanjaya, who’s a total dreamboat, Haley Scarnato is the hottest Idol contestant left. (Well, there is that chick that kinda looks like chocolate Shrek. Reeeow. )Point is, Haley may have the nicest rack in American Idol history. Katharine Mcphee is a close second. It’s cool though. She’s used to second place. Zing!

China (THE COMMUNIST COUNTRY) is starting their own version of Idol that, from these reports, may just be spicier than General Gao’s Chicken with extra ginger. It’s going to be called Boys Happy Voice, which sounds like a play I was in at Catholic School. I don’t like to talk about it.

Tears, wild hair and unhealthy songs are banned when China’s latest version of “American Idol” goes on the air next month.

“No weirdness, no vulgarity, no low taste,” the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television said Friday in a notice to the producers of “Boys Happy Voice,” according to the official Xinhua News Agency.

The talent show, to be broadcast beginning May 1, is a sequel to the hugely popular TV contest “Super Girls Voice” in 2005, which drew more than 400 million viewers. The woman who won that contest became a popular singer in China….

“Happy Boys Voice” should include only “healthy and ethically inspiring” songs and avoid scenes of screaming fans or losing contestants in tears,” the regulator was quoted as saying. (source)

The officals were also quoted as saying that, instead of being forced to sing (while crying )when they are eliminated, ousted contestants will be crushed by Red Army Tanks to show their Happy Fun Patriotism and Conformity. More Haley proving that some animals are more equal than others…

I only watch American Idol because I’m drunk by 9:00 on any given night and I can’t find my remote so I just watch whatever channel happens to be on. Last night was a so-called “elimination” night where they make everyone cry, then humiliate the eliminated contestant by making them sing while balling their eyes out. Great fun.

So last night, Tony Bennet was supposed to sing, but I guess his sundown syndrome wore off and he fucking never showed up. So they called Michael Bublé to fill in. Apparently the call rang his cell phone at a bar, because as it turns out, Michael was completely drunk and had just done a rail of coke. It was hilarious. He stumbled around on stage and sang like shit and when he was done he asked Ryan Seacrest if he was wasting his vote by still voting for Antonella Barba. Not at Michael. Not. At. All.

• Hayden Panetierre wearing seethru. Go ahead and click it perv. She may be 16, but she smokes and whores around with Paris Hilton. Innocence lost. (DS)
• I’m a famous blogger. Go ahead. Ask me. (One Blog A Day)
• Britney Spears got divorced and she’s paying K-Fed 25K a month to babysit her kids 4 days a week. (Yeeeah)
• Abigail Clancy is a hot coke whore model who bangs sports stars. Like your mom. (Bumpshack)
• Some chick on an MTV show nobody watches got some new tits. (IBBB)
• Lucy Pinder, wait for it…naked. I know, right? So unlike her. (JIMH)
• Rose Mcgowan and Rosario Dawson naked with bullets. Pants. Just. Exploded. (Bastardly)
• Hot college stripper asses. (CH)

Ok. So I know that pic is not of Antonella Barba. But Google shut down my Adsense for those pics in an earlier post. Google is awesome. I want them to fuck me in the ass. Wait they already did.

Shazam. This is the best season of American Idol. EVER. Katharine McPhee’s yellow dress malfunction pales in comparison to Antonella Barba, and now Alaina Alexander nudes. Of course these are not fully nude or else Alaina’s MySpace profile would be taken down. You know what posting semi-nudes on MySpace gets you?

Hope.

I thought all the hope had left this world after The Departed and 300. But half naked pictures of wannabe singers on MySpace means there are some whole-naked pictures on somebody’s hard drive somewhere, just waiting to be released into the wilds of the internet. And naked pictures, my friends are like secrets and STD’s, they’re bound to come out sometime (usually after putting something where it shouldn’t have been). That doesn’t make sense at all. But what does make sense is how hot Alaina Alexander is. I asked her to be my MySpace friend and I invited her to a Gmail account. I have a good feeling about this one. If Axl Rose has taught me anything, it’s that the LA music scene is a veritable “jungle” and you have to do drugs and porn or “you gonna die”. You. Gonna. Die.

Actually she has two big ole American Idols right up front, right where the they should be. Sanjaya actually didn’t do that poorly last night so I voted for him again because he’s so pretty, but mostly because I want his sister to keep showing and doing what she’s doing in that top image. (Video here). I’ve never dated an Indian girl (I have pow-wowed with a Native American), but top back-handed racists agree that Indian girls are hot, and mostly virgins because they’ll be thrown into a fiery pit, otherwise. I saw that on Law & Order, and that shit is ripped from the headlines. True story. Anyway, Shayamali has a MySpace and I hope she’ll be adding me as her friend. I’d hate to have to tell her dad she’s a Hooter’s girl and get her in trouble. More Shyamali (my favorite is the Goodbye Girl pose) and LINKS!

• Renee Zellweger looking hot in my hometown. (DS)
• Amy Smart looking a little rough and tumbled, but that’s how I like ‘em. (Bastardly)
• Alaina Alexander of Idol pulls an Antonella Barba. Sweet. (Celebrity Smack)
• Old school image big breasted Oklahoma sluts at a game. Never gets old. (Bump Shack)
• Nicole Kidman is pregnant. Wow. That means that Tom Cruise… OMG. You don’t think…? (GoT)
• Sanjaya is a murderer. (IBBB)
• I’m just linking to Holly Scoop because those chicks are hot. (HS)
• Wanna see anyone listed here nude? (Mr. Skin)

Emily Scott is Australian which means she’s hot and will get naked for almost no money at all. Based on my experience drinking Gold Coast ‘Rita’s from Outback Steakhouse and a quick trip to Wiki-shrimp on the barbie-Pedia, I’m an expert on nude Australian chicks. And chaize froiyze.

I met a girl from Australia once who told me that Aussie girls love to flash their tits. She said you could walk though Sydney and just yell at group of girls in the mall, “Hey Sheila lemme see yer tits“, and half of them would take off their shirt. The other half would stab you in the kidney with a large knife and eat a kangaroo with Vegemite. They do that, you know. Anyhoosits. Her name was Sheila and she showed me her tits, but it cost me a $100 dollars. Oh, she was a stripper. Did I mention that? LINKS!

• Teresa Palmer is Wonder Woman. Ans she’s smoking hot. (Gutter Bleed)
• Japanese girl with big tits gets a cab (Crave)
• Britney has narcolepsy or either whe a fat whore. (Yeeeah)
• Find a naked chick from your school. (CH)
• Monica Bellucci is still smokin’ hot. (Bastardly)
• Jenna Fischer nude in WIRED magazine for you fucking nerds. (GMMR)
• Anna Nicole cause o’ death revealed! It was dumb fuckin’ cracker disease. (INO)
• Sanjaya looks like Antonella Barba. ZING! I. CAN’T. BE. STOPPED. (Celebitchy)

NAKED!