NSFW – Fatback Media

My week has been hectic so the posts have been slow this week. Between going on covert ops with my fellow spook GMMR (she’s deadly!) or keeping the stripper pole in my cubicle all oiled up (it’s slickery!), I have been pretty busy. Here are some tidbits to ride you into the weekend.

Paula Abdul is a pilled out crazy psycho. Whoa. Blossom. Never saw that coming. (GMMR)

Angelina Jolie may be in Ocean’s 13. I hope she has a threesome with Clooney and Matt Damon. For reals. (Glitterati).

Roselyn Sanchez is going to be in a movie called Cayo. She’s hot. I’m learning Spanish just so I can talk dirty to her. Dios mio, chica. (The Bastardly)

Jesus Christ banged Mary Magedeline and had a kid. The courts just proved it. Well, I think he did. My eyes glazed over after the I saw Dan Brown’s picture. (TMZ)

Kate Moss gutted Pete Doherty like a fish and smashed his head with a giant rock. Well, that’s what she should have done, however it looks like they are getting married if he will brush his fucking nasty teeth. (The Bosh)

Bon weekend, mes amis.

Jenny Shimizu, model and supposed former lover of Angelina Jolie is claiming that she and Angelina still have a sexual relationship. Shimizu, pictured above (the dude on the right is her), recently said that,

“There has never been an ending to her and I. I think there never will be…I think we will continue to have a deep relationship. It really does go beyond just the sex.”

Apparently, Jenny and Angelina have been carrying on a ten year affair that started when the two were filming the movie Foxfire. {Not to be confused with the Clint Eastwood film Firefox, which would have been 876% better with a lesbian sex scene.}. Jenny is also speaking out about her lack of confidence in the current relationship between Brad Pitt and Angelina.

She’s always had lovers that she relies on. If she can ring you and you can meet up then she can take care of her sexual needs.

“Whenever
she calls me up I visit her. It’s not always the case that we have sex.
Sometimes we go to her property in Cambodia and explore the jungle.

“It’s definitely more of a deeper friendship. She’s the person I’ll always care about and always help and always be there for.”

Angelina Jolie has some serious mojo. You know you’re hardcore when people will fly 20 hours, sit through a 4
hour jeep ride and then hike for ten hours through the jungle just to
have sex with you at Angkor Wat. Her sex life is one of things that you think you can imagine but can’t quite do it because your brain won’t let you complete the picture because you would die of fright. I just got back from a secret meeting at the Vatican, and I can’t say much but, Angelina Jolie is a demon. And having sex with her is like selling your soul to the devil. A sexy, pouty devil. Beware.

UPDATE: Ok. So someone said that I was being racist because of the sushi comment in the title. Well if I was being racist, at least I would have been correct in assigning a person of Japanese ancestry with a Japanese food item. I, however was commenting not on the geneological background of Ms. Shimizu, rather, the comment was apropos the association of lesbian sex with terms about eating raw fish. See? I’m not racist. It’s not like she’s a jew or anything.