NSFW – Fatback Media

Not much going on today around the town so check out these links while I make up some good lies.

Jenna Jameson has the same size boobs as Victoria Beckham. Jenna Jameson is dirty hot and Victoria Beckham looks like a broom handle that sprouted volleyballs. (I’m Not Obsessed)

Looks like the British “The Office” is going to cameo on the American “The Office”. The synergistic effect of that much comedy “crossing streams” -as it were- could destroy the universe. Or else you might pee in your pants.(GMMR)

I like my girls like I like my savior: thin, bloody, crown of thorns and ready to get the fuck  down. Asia Argento can probably speak Aramaic too. (The Bastardly)

Chris Daughtry signed a record deal. I also ate a fried shrimp Po’ Boy today. Which one of those do you think I care about the most? (Tabloid Whore)

Angelina just got new tattoo of a tiger on her back because she is a Yakusa assassin. Or she’s dirty. Either way, it turns me on. (ICYDK)

Kathy Griffin’s husband stole her money so she divorced him. I would have cut his hand off. But I’m eastern that way. (Subvert Society)

(ed. note: No real reason for the Anne Hathaway shot except, she will be mine.)

In honor of Independence day I give you the Links of Freedom. Enjoy, while I go watch the fireworks unfold. In my bedroom.

Kevin Federline says that PopoZao was a joke on us because we were all laughing at him and now he has the last laugh. Well, no Kevin. You’re still a joke and we are still laughing at you. (Guilty Obsession)

The WB is replaying all the Pilots that put the network on the map. Just in time to get dissolved and merged into the new CW network. Ah, that Buffy Summers. I do miss her. (GMMR)

Lil Kim is out of jail and heading for house arrest. Holla! I was under house arrest one time. I was guilty of sweet sweet love in the first degree. (I’m not obsessed)

Jim Carrey still dating Jenny McCarthy. And I still hate him for it. (ICYDK)

Jessica Simpson has great legs. Even if she does bruise easily. (Bricks and Stones)

Somehow the Secret Service got called in to help Angelina and Brad recover their stolen baby shower photos. I’m pretty sure those photos weren’t going to attack the president. That must have been one HELL of a baby shower. (Tabloid Whore)

Lacey Chabert is all woman now. I can now walk with my head held high. Not a perv!(The Bastardly)

It’s Tuesday lunch and here’s what’s going on around the web.

Kristin Cavallari may play Daisy Duke in the new prequel film The Inbred Dukes of Hazzard have sex with their cousin Daisy: The early Years. (I’m not Obsessed)

Paris Hilton is being sued for the car crash she caused. Unfortunately, she will not pay a dime because she is an entitled rich bitch who has never paid for a thing in her life. Bitch. (TMZ)

Jeenifer Aniston tried to call Brad Pitt to “congratulate him” but his called was refused. Translation: Jennifer Aniston can’t let go and was using the call to Brad to cause trouble. Angelina fielded the call and and smacked Brad Pitt in the face with the phone further emasculating him. (Bricks and Stones)

Denise Richards: WILF. Figure it out. (Star Power)

Shannen Doherty is getting her own reality show on Lifetime called Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty. If it was called Breaking Chairs Over Shannen Dougherty, I’d probably watch it. (Glitterati) . (PS. Glad you’re back Tina…)

The Entourage recap is online at GMMR. Still haven’t seen one god damn episode. Am I missing something? (GMMR)

Jessica Alba hangs out with her ex after the MTV Movie Awards.(The Bastardly)

The kid from A Christmas Story who shot his eye out is still alive and he’s in The Break Up with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. (ICYDK)

So finally after like 17 months of pregnancy in a third world country while running from lions, monkeys and Tse-Tse flies, Angelina Jolie has had her baby. The baby is named Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt.

Brad Pitt cut the umbilical cord of his new daughter when she was born.

The actor was in the delivery room when his partner Angelina Jolie delivered the girl, who they have named Shiloh Nouvel, via Caesarean section in a private hospital in Namibia on Saturday (27.05.06).

Pitt, like many new dads, was offered the chance to cut the cord – the lifeline which joins mother and baby – by medical staff and reportedly jumped at the chance.(source)

What’s amazing is that The Jolie-Pitts have donated 300K to the literally starving country of Namibia as they leave the press spectacle behind them. It’s nice to see that imperialism is still alive on the “Dark Continent”. I mean, what kind of world would this be if we couldn’t rough it in a third world country – taking no heed to local mores, customs, or laws – use up the local resources to our own benefit then laugh as we throw money out of the car window at the urchins on our way out of town? A sad world indeed, my friends.

And Shiloh Nouvel? ‘What’s your porn name?’ is probably not the best way to name your kids although I’ve done pretty well with Smokey Longpole. Thanks, mom!