NSFW – Fatback Media

Someone give that girl some soul food. I mean, she’s been to Africa, and that’s the mother of all souls but girlfriend needs some sammies. I’ve got a cure for that flat ass and those bony arms; it’s called fried chicken and sweet potato pie. Maybe you’ve heard of it? It’s not that she isn’t gorgeous. She’s got that motherly glow, totally in-love, blood drinker thing going for her; it’s just that if you take away those 15 pounds of hair and 9 pound lips, you’re left with a skeleton with some gnarly tattoos in expensive shoes.

Here are a few pics of her the Oceans 13 premiere. Enjoy Angelina Skeletor at your own leisure.

{Ed. note: I don’t know Em, she still has her rack. Other than that she’s real fat fatty.-Fatback} 

Angelina Jolie is trying to save the world one child at a time. With Voodoo.

The National Enquirer is reporting that Angelina has a new hobby to help fill those precious empty seconds between saving the world, raising three children (soon to be four) and keeping hunky boyfriend, Pitt, happy. According to a report from Mike Walker she is studying Voodoo.

The magazine reports that Jolie is taking instruction from a Voodoo priestess several times a week. She has also purchased several books on witchcraft spells and is touring the infamous New Orleans cemeteries, according to the report. (source)

We here at FB&c have commented before on Angelina Jolie’s foray into the ars diavoli, so this comes as no surprise us. In fact we’re no stranger to the vodoun (look it up before you get all sanctimonious) ourselves. I grew up Baptist so it’s pretty much the same thing. Except where Voodoo has high priestesses who perform ritualistic sacrifices on live farm animals, we had bitchy judgmental old harpies who called a girl whore just because she had relations with a couple of choir members on that church retreat that time and besides you only did anal anyway so it doesn’t really count. Because Jesus loves virgins.

Here’s Joanna Krupa at Fever Nightclub in Atlanta Ga. There’s really no reason except I like eastern European chicks and she’s partying down south in Hotlanta where it’s warm and dirty. Just like my martinis. Today is dedicated zero talk about American Idol or Antonella Barba or whether or not those pics are her. Promise. Unless some new untagged images land in my inbox. For reals.

In other even sexier news, we’re looking for writers here at FB&C so if you’re sexy, southern and funny drop us a line on the tips page and tell us why. You don’t really have to be southern, but you do have to be sexy and I’m a very harsh critic so photographic eveidence is probably best. Unless you’re a dude. The pay is shit, but I’ll make ya famous. Figure out why these links are better than my site:

• Cameron D smokin’ a fatass J. (IDLYITW)
• Eliza Dushku in a thong, thong, thong,thong, thong. (DS)
• GMMR was at the set of The Office yesterday. She told Rashida Jones I wanted her shit. I’m totally in. (GMMR)
• Kim Kardashian will not release sex tape. But she will destroy the Bajorans. (Bastardly)
• Angelina Jolie is jealous bitch. I guess I ruined her. Sometimes I can be so cruel. (Yeeeah)
• Movies released in February suck, duh. Even if the trailer was freakin’ awesome. (Pajiba)
• Nicole Ritchie might marry Joel Madden. Jimmy smokes crack and I don’t care. (Hail)
• Paris smoked crack and I don’t care. (City Rag)
• Spring is close so look at some trashy collge girl boobies (CH)

Images: source

“I need money. I used to be a stick up kid…”

I hope all of you enjoyed Dead Presidents’ Day like I did. I spent a shit load of Benji’s (and brotha wasn’t even the prez) on booze and strippers and watched Swedish porn on my Five-O Plasma. What I didn’t do, was post shit all week. Just bullshit link posts like this one. Now I’m back in it to win it. I’m all caught up on Lost and 24 so I’m ready to hit the gossip circuit, bitches. I’m kinda tired so I’m going through my CD cases for residue. Enjoy the links. And Keeley Hazell because British chicks are usually hot, and I like the way she chews gum.

• Get your drink gadgets on, baby (Crave)
• Jesus talked to Tara Reid. Splash News are whores. (DS)
• Paris Hilton wants you to knock her the FUCK OUT. (Bastardly)
• Obligatory College Girl Boobies. (CH)
• I think Howard K Stern did it. Did what? Well, you decide. (Yeeeah)
• Pick your favorite Britney Hairstyle (INO)
• Brad and Angelina try and drum up some give-a-shit in New orleans. (Gossip or Truth)
• LonelyGirl15 is really a whore. Not really but that makes my Adsense checks better. (Glitterati)
• Bloggers speak out about Britney Spears shaving her head. (Bumpshack)
• Keely Brook is British and mostly naked. Cheerio! (FHM)
• Antonella Barba, American Idol hopeful, blowjob caps (IDLYITW)