NSFW – Fatback Media

Things are slow around here and by slow I mean our page loads are slow because of server issues. Sit tight while I piss on the spark plugs and add some 30 weight gear oil. That outta do it. Till then. Hey guess what? Jordin Sparks won American Idol. Wow. Never saw that coming. Nepotism rules. Anyway I didn’t watch. Well, I watched Blake and Doug E Fresh and that was wiggity-wiggity-AWESOME. Then I proceeded to watch LOST and become very, very confused. Flash forward? Who’s in the coffin? Why only Kate? Is Naomi evil? Charlie RIP? February is the next epsiode? WTFF? Anyway. Links.

• Katherine Heigl is engaged to a freaky looking singer. Snore. (Bastardly)
• Cheryl Crowe adopts a baby. Huh? (Pipi)
• Sharon Stone in a bikini. It’s like wanting to bang you’re grandma. Gross but you’d still do it for the cookies. (Glunp)
• Jordin Sparks is a giant who will eat Blake. (Yeeeah)
• Samaire Armstrong may be pregnant. By Jesus M. (DS)
• Veronica Mars got canceled. *sigh* Thanks CW, she was finally old enough for some frontal. (Pajiba)
• Paris gets jailhouse religion. Whore. (GoT)
• Britney Spears in her underwear. Hurray AdSense! (Jordan)
• Happy birthday Linday Lohan! You’re 21 and officially all washed up. Hollywood is a bitch. (DH)

More Jennifer Ellison for no reason. Except that reason.

God. Damn.

I know I’ve been harsh on Kellie Pickler before, and I ‘ve probably said some mean things about her like how she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I take all that back. Nothing says remorse like rescinding a recent vituperation because a chick got a giant rack. Oh, they’re probably fake. What am I, some kind of critical bitch? No. No I am not.

Actually she looks pretty hot here. Her dress is sexy, yet elegant and her hair is really cute; which is in stark contrast to when she first debuted those melons on American Idol earlier this season with the Tanya Tucker hair. You don’t want Tanya Tucker hair. Tanya Tucker put the whore in country whore. The point? Big tits are no good if you look like chick that Glen Campbell used ride like a rhinestone cowboy. There’s a cancellation effect. It has to do with some high level physics. And Jim Beam and white crosses. More Kellie:

I’m pretty hungry most of the time, so I write about about food a lot. I’m also a horn dog so I write about boobies a lot too. Although I love them both, I’m not one of those dudes who likes to combine two awesome things because I think there will be a synergy between them and make the awesomeness even more awesomer. Those people are called pervs. I like food and I like sex, but never the twain shall meet. And don’t try to convince me otherwise, you Jeffrey Dahmer motherfucker.

Speaking of fucked up events it looks like Lindsay Lohan’s mother really fucked up the red carpet interviews for the premier of Georgia Rule (coming to a Blockbuster near you in 3 weeks). Apparently Jane Fonda was pissed and called Dina Lohan an overbearing whore and stabbed her in the neck with a pencil. That could’ve been a dream because I’m on Atkins and I think my ketones are all fucked up. I know that picture is old up there but I wanted to remind the world that I have Photoshop. Call me, eLance!

Links.

• Amanda Harrington and her rack hang out in a bikini. (DS)
• Angelina Jolie on a Japanese commercial that I think may qualify as porn. (Allie)
• Paris Hilton. Felon. Still breaking the rules like a rich, entitled brat. Fuck her. (Jordan)
• Jessica Stam shows a little ass crack. (Bastardly)
• There’s a girl from your school showing her boobies. (CH)
• Kelly Clarkson has some J in the GD T. (Yeeeah)
• Beyonce is scared of candy. Because candy is for fatties. True story. (INO)
• Keeley Hazell because…well, because. (Hollywood Tuna)
• Paris Hilton tries to reason with the governor of CA. “It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.” (DJM)

So yeah. Whatever. I thought my last post Britney Spears topless was going to pay my rent this month like Antonella Barba did last month. However, it turns out that paparazzi photos, or this case, ’stolen from someone who knows Britney’ photos cost 1G a pop. And what me havin’ bitches in tha livin’ room gettin’ on and they ain’t leavin’ till 6 in tha mo’nin’, I gotta hang on to these ends, yo. Anyway, buzzkill rent takers aside, there actually is some shit worth reading on the web today. I’m keeping it to myself though. Fuck you.

• Here are the Topless Britney Spears pictures in case you came here for them. Although I think I’d rather see Allie topless. Reeeow. Blogger boobies! (Allie)
• Kimberly Stewart at Coachella. Looking like a roachella. Yeah. That’s what I said. (Bastardly)
• Lindsay Lohan is a whore and she’s off the wagon. The whore wagon. (Don’t Judge me)
• Jesus take the wheeel. Or Sienna Miller’s nip slip. Whatevs, deity. (DS)
• They should call his mom GANJAYA SMOKALAR. That’s the name of my bong. (Bumpshack)
• More Britney Spears topless. Now with MORE DAISY! (Yeeeah)
• Speaking of boobies, these are NOT pictures of Britney Spears Boobs, they ARE pics of hot slutty college girls. (CH)
• Self referential link to another link post that a links back to my site and a picture of Jessica Simpson’s rack. (GoT)

More of Jamie Lynn Spears the cantankerous Spears sister. Wait, I meant cankerous.