NSFW - Fatback Media

Look at me. I said ‘preggo‘. Just like those famous British tabloids who say stuff like Jacko, and Madge, and Fish -n- chips and spell words with extra o’s like favourite colour. Anyway. Although she had a baby almost a year ago and is in visibly amazing shape, Jennifer Garner is responding to rumors that she’s pregnant.

“I’m in the worst shape ever,” the size 6-8 (”definitely more an 8″) actress, 34, tells Elle magazine in its January issue. “My trainer just shakes her head and says, ‘This is a disaster.’ ”

Though she kicked butt as the star of Alias and Elektra, these days, she says, “I am as physically unfit as I’ve probably been in my whole life. It’s such a horror in front of the mirror with no clothes on.”

Lifting her sweater to reveal her midriff, she says, “You still have that little bit of extra skin, know what I mean? But still, it’s enough for people to think that you’re knocked up.” (source)

Jesus Christ, who is her trainer? A member of the Justice League? “Yeah, size 8, 120 lbs is okay… I guess…but can you fly? Loser.” Where I come from a 5′9″ southern hottie, with a body like hers who can roundhouse kick you through a wall is considered pretty fit. But then again, I grew up in a household where fried chicken was a condiment. Fatty.

Smokin’ hot new mommy and Alias alum Jennifer Garner is back in superspy shape which qualifies her for the FB&C Sexy Southern Girl of the Week (FBCSSGW). How did she get so hot so fast after having her cute-as-a-button little peanut of a baby? Why breast feeding, of course. She’s one sexy MI…wait for it…LF. Legendary.

She credits nursing, moderate exercise, and eating correctly for allowing her to lose the weight. Jennifer said, “[I lost weight] breastfeeding! That and a moderate exercise and eating plan with the help of my personal trainer.” (source)

So I guess 50 cigarettes a day, coke and all night boozing are not the way to get your figure back after having a baby. Hrm. What’s amazing about Jennifer Garner is that she just had a baby and still looks like she could kick a hole in your skull from four feet away. She’s also conspicuously not at any LA or NYC hotspots drinking till all hours and flashing the world with a razor burned scarred coochie. Which also qualifies her for FBCMILF of the century.

Ben Affleck who’s currently married to Sexy Southern MILF™ Jennifer Garner made an announcement at the recent Hollywood Awards that he was banging his baby sitter.

“The woman I have to thank is the woman who’s home tonight babysitting my daughter,” he said during his winner’s speech for Best Supporting Actor. “She’s the reason most good things have happened to me. So, to the people at my table, if I don’t come back, it’s because I went home to make love to the babysitter.” (source)

Wait. What? OOh. Ben, you devil. You were really talking about your wife Jennifer Garner. My stars, you are a hoot. And I thought Casey was the funny one. All kidding aside, Ben and Jennifer make a ridiculously cute couple. They’re like the poster children for ridiculously adorable cuteness. He seems very loving and she’s a sexy MILF who dotes on her little cute peanut of a baby. Who’s name is Violet. Cute! The only thing cuter than that would be if I were her husband and Ben Affleck was a dirty gas station attendant in South Georgia who couldn’t make change for dollar. See? Cuz I want to sleep with his wife. Get it? Ben you’re not the only one with a razor sharp wit. Zing! Here are some more shots of JennyG (we’re down like that) at the Hollywood Awards right before she went home to babysit her own kid. Perfect. Fucking.Woman.

Summer is flyin’ by, don’t miss anything while you’re changing into your speedos.

-JJ Abrams just signed eleventy bazillion dollar deals with Paramount Pictures and Warner Bros. TV. The only thing that better come out of his office better have Sydney Bristow or Captain James T. Fucking Kirk. (ICYDK)

-The Bastardly lady of the day is Andrea. She’s Czech. 100% woman with curves that could start a war. She’s way to much for you to handle so she’s mine. I’ll probably die. (The Bastardly)

-Christina Aguilera didn’t wear a bra and went out in public. I applaud her for her individuality, self-determination, moxy and large perky boobies. (Yeeeah)

-The cast of The Office just reported back to work in order to make your fall season less suicidal. GMMR has the inside scoop and some pics of the cast that don’t involve bikinis. That’s for you ladies! (GMMR)

-Mischa Barton and her strikingly wierd nipple-slip. (the nipple not the slip) (Bricks and Stones)

-The Miss Universe contestants are trying to make the best of the current world situation. Miss Israel and Miss Lebanon are great friends and so are Miss Turkey and Miss Greece. Unfortunately, Miss Australia called Miss New Zealand a “bloody kiwi whore” and they got into a fist fight and were disqualified. Not really. Peace rulez! (TMZ.com)

-Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are getting married and Kid Rock is getting hepatitis. (Tabloid Whore)

(ed. note: You G’ville SC mullafuckas better get ready ’cause I’ll be there Wed. night)

Hey y’all. I’m back from my trip of drunken sun soaked debauchery in parts due south. Server issues and avian flu notwithstanding, the trip was mighty fine. The south never disappoints. After all the oyster shooter body shots, fried everything, miles of well tanned scantily clad beach beauties and copious amounts of beach sex I am completely exhausted. To all the accommodating folks in Wilmington, NC and Charleston, SC etc, I’d like to say thanks again, and sorry, if necessary, but we’re still friends, right? While I get back up to speed and have my blood filtered at the hospital to remove the alcohol, narcotics and crustacean neurotoxins y’all should check out these links.

The Hills is a new show that I’ll never watch that stars a chick on another show I never watched. (Bricks and Stones)

Rescue Me is a show I’d probably watch if it had more frontal nudity. Not of Dennis leary though. GMMR has an interview and some spoilers. (GMMR)

Sandra Bullock is a frump. Or probably pregnant. It wasn’t me! I had a vasectomy. Or was that a tonsillectomy? (I’m not obsessed)

Rachel Leigh Cook is my secret girlfriend. So secret, she hardly ever sees me. But, I do hide under her bed. Soft hair. So soft. 100% of all bastards agree that she should get more movie roles that involve her being naked. At my house. (The Bastardly)

Ben Affleck gets a ride to the hospital from Sydney Bristow. Diagnosis: headache. (Glitterati)

Oh yeah. shout out to sexy Wildcat, Honey Biscuit who’s moving back down south to my old stomping grounds in Greenville, SC.

Tonight ABC’s Alias returns after a long hiatus due to star Jennifer Garner’s pregnancy. The 2 hour opener begins the final 4 episodes that are reported to end the series for good. ABC reports that several familiar faces will be back including the not-so-dead Michael Vaughn (Michael Vartan), Will Tippin (Bradley Cooper) and Anna Espinoza (Gina Torres). Also, it is reported that a male APO agent will be killed in a heroic way.

I have to admit that I really like Alias. It’s great show with good writing and acting that also has scantily clad hottie spy chicks kick-boxing each other on a regular basis. And hot chicks kickboxing is sexy. I keep telling my hot Eastern European chick spy friends that instead of always trying to poison my drink, or garrote me in the shower, or shoot me with a silenced Tokarev, that we should just have wild kickboxing sex threesomes (the good kind) in the interest of international relations. In a world of intrigue and danger where nothing is what it seems, no one can be trusted and your body is the only thing you can share…or trust…what else do we have?