Better than God Damn Jessica: Part 2
Damn, Jessica Simpson. Those cheese and mayonnaise sandwiches have been working. The only time it’s ever good for a girl to get fat and happy, is if a) she had an eating disorder and b) her boobs get fucking enormous. I hear that she and John Mayer have broken up, but the happy time did her (and us) some good. I mean, her hair looks like she colored it with a Lemon Sport Snapple and the dress is borderline ridiculous… Wait. No. It’s totally ridiculous. But I can’t hold that against her because of the giant rack.
The same thing happens at Hooters. I tell myself, the slutty girls are just flirty to get my money. And no matter how much I spend, they will not flash their rack at me, much less give me a hand job. (PS. I found that last one out the hard way. Apparently there is some law?) A great rack can cancel out busted up features. Like that girl at the drive through with DD’s. It’s an ancient magical balancing effect that makes greasy haired slutty chicks hot. I can’t explain it. What am I a sorcerer? Magic LINKS!
Update: I’m usually not paranoid but if that dude up there keeps staring at me, I might have to unleash the fury.
- Six Degrees of Britney’s vagina. (Celebrity Hubris)
- Maria Menounos is pretty hot. Way better than Billy Bush. (Bastardly)
- Awesome video of a chick trying out her new stripper pole. If by awesome you mean she falls on her head. (Ebaums)
- Jesus interviewed Rachel Style from Ugly Betty. She’s nerd hot. Or just hot. And you’re a nerd. (DS)
- Speaking of boobies, I think you’re sister who’s away at school has a hot rack. (CH)
- Avril Lavigne is a pissy little bitch. (Yeeeah)
- Britney Spears is trying to be a diva when she needs to sit back and enjoy the fact that we alsmost think she’s hot again. (Bump shack)
Tags: Jessica Simpson
Posted in Avril Lavigne, Breasts, Britney Spears, Hooters, Hotties, Jessica Simpson |
Written by Fatback on May 21, 2007 – 6:58 am
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3 Comments to “Better than God Damn Jessica: Part 2”
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May 21st, 2007 at 1:22 pm
[...] Jessica Simpson’s transformation into an overweight Hispanic woman is nearly complete! (Fatback and Collards) [...]
May 21st, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Her hair looks like it smells like distilled vinegar and feta cheese. And she looks like she could use a shower.
If I were in the middle of transitioning my hair color, I think I would cut back on most of my public appearances until my hair was back all the way RIGHT. This in-between hair color makes her look like she stinks.
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:11 pm
[...] & hanging out in a holey bathrobe [Cele|bitchy] - Better than God Damn Jessica: Part 2 [Fatback and Collards] - Britney Spears was Booed [Hollywood Rag] - Sexy or Scary with No-Hairy? [...]