NSFW – Fatback Media

Paris Hilton, ever the speller, who’s facing up to 45 days in prison, posted a heartfelt half-ass plea on her MySpace page this week urging people to sign a petittion to keep her out of jail.

“My friend Joshua started this petition, please help and sihn [sic] it. i LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!”

The petition, created by the stunningly dim-witted, Joshua Capone urges Arnold Schwarzenegger to rescind the order to incarcerate Paris for av DUI conviction probation violation.

“Paris Whitney Hilton is a 26-year-old American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world,” (source)

The letter goes on and on, and I think at one point he talks about masturbating while actually writing the petition, but I got so bored reading it that I literally died for a minute or two. But the cold medicine that I cooked up into crystal meth gave me a heart attack and brought me back kicking and screaming. Moral of the story? Paris Hilton is a murderer. And Sudafed sinus really does work. Although you need a lot of nitric acid a hot plate and some expensive glassware. More Marisa Miller because Paris Hilton is about as sexy to me as slurping ipecac off a dude’s cock.