NSFW – Fatback Media

What the hell? How the hell can Jessica Simpson go from areola peaking perfection (which was just TWO DAYS AGO), to this? Did she travel through time? Did she become a middle school teacher? Holy hell, I’m confused. Can you retroactively renege on masturbation? Oh yeah. She also pissed the bed drunk in Rome. Or at least that’s what this blind item would have you believe

Which blond bombshell, on a recent visit to Rome, became ill and soiled her bedsheets so badly that the hotel mattress had to be replaced? “Also, she and [her boyfriend] have a reputation for really dirty sex,” says a snitch. (source) (via)

That’s fucked up, but I’m more concerned with what the hell is going on under that shirt. It’s like the Philadelphia Experiment. I keep waiting for her dog to run up and barely recognize her. Is that Japanese coin she’s holding? More HQ’s of Jessica and her flapjacks are here.

UPDATE: Sexy, yet whorish sounding Jolene, reminded me that the scene with the dog is actually from The Final Countdown, which was also a solid film about a navy ship going back in time. Whatever.

UP-UPDATE: Another sexy forensic scientist wrote in and said after she examined these pics Jessica’s boobs weren’t that bad. Her hair tendril was giving the illusion on flabby titties. You decide.