Joe Simpson P.I.M.P.

First and foremost. GOD DAMN.

Apparently Joe Simpson needs to work on his pimp-hand because one of his bitches daughters is gettin’ outta pocket. And when you fuck with his money, you’re fucking with his emotions. Why is it that southern preachers with hot daughters end up being smarmy greaseballs? Maybe by sexifying and pimping their own flesh and blood they can get a vicarious taste of the forbidden fruit that was once only relegated to hangdog peeks through the bathroom keyhole and awkward walk-ins that lingered a bit too long to be accidents? Fucking pervs.

A source tells TMZ that Joe got mad at daughter Jessica when she turned down a highly paid gig to host a New Year’s Eve party at Vegas’ Pure nightclub — saying she didn’t want to work on the holiday — and went to party with John Mayer in New York City instead.

The source claims that when Joe found out about Jessica’s “mellow” night out, he was livid — because she partied for free!

Meanwhile, the New York Daily News’ Ben Widdicombe reports today that Joe is “furious” that the Kennedy Center won’t reimburse him for about $15,000 in hair, makeup, and stylist fees after Jess’ ridiculed rendition of Dolly Parton’s “9-5″ didn’t air on CBS’s broadcast of the Kennedy Center Honors last week. (source)

A source made up by me said that the Kennedy Center responded, “No happy ending, no pay bitch” and had security throw Joe Simpson through a plate glass window on his ass. My sources rule. UPDATE: An eagle-eyed viewer wrote in and said I should crop Jessica’s hairstylist Ken Paves out of those pictures, but I’ve looked like a hundred times at those pictures and I can’t seem to see him.