NSFW - Fatback Media

“Oh you gatherer of the fine ash of poetry…”

Today’s lesson is a deconstruction of K-fed’s (nee Kevin Federline) aka pimp dawg lady-killah’s newest work entitled “Today I’m a free man” Let’s have a look.

Today I’m a free man
Ladies look out

K. Federline

Fuck a wife
Give me my kids Bitch!

In line 1, Today I’m a free man , K-Fed brilliantly asserts his freedom as a new bachelor. In one insanely angled Sharpie stroke he is at once declaring his independence from his spousal obligations and declaring a phoenix like renaissance of, not K-Fed the groom, but K-Fed the free man - the true player. Does he revel in this glorious victory? Not K-Fed. Ever the modest example of chivalry, he moves on to a mild warning.

Line 2. Ladies look out. Many may possibly equate this sly prose as a veiled threat of sexual assault that involves a long night of drinking, poorly constructed raps and a “roofie”. I think our writer has chosen the figurative rather than the literal here.

Line3. Just when you thought your mind couldn’t be blown any harder, K-Fed scoops up your brains packs them back in your feeble skull and blows them right out of the back of your head. Again. You were expecting another line of poetry. Bam! Signature. Well played.

Line 4,5. Not to be denied the post script, K-Fed, still gaining momentum lets loose a primordial rage that has lived inside of man since the dawn of time. Fuck a wife. The double-entendre rocks you like the proverbial hurricane. And just to add some wind, he lets loose a tsunami: Give me my kids bitch. The interpretation of this line will have scholars perplexed for decades. Who is the bitch and whose kids does he want? Britney? Shar Jackson? Your sister? We may never know. K-Fed you’ve done it again. Bravo.

(Source)