NSFW – Fatback Media

According to the always up in your shit TMZ.com, Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe have split up. Details, as usual, are as sketchy as the guy in the greasy cardigan sweater with leather patches on the elbows who hangs out in the library near the bathroom. So far the actual reason for the split was not released.

The couple’s rep released a statement to TMZ Monday morning that says “We are saddened to announce that Reese & Ryan have decided to formally separate. They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time.” (source)

I try not to get into people’s business very much because Jesus doesn’t like a gossip. Or whores. Or Gossipy whores. However, since I will soon be making aggressive, yet attentive and sweet love to one of the parties involved in this story it’s actually my business too. I already have my sexy moves all worked out. And before you fellas break out the faux tiger skin rugs and aroma therapy candles, I’m talking about Reese. Although I did look hot as a sexy cowboy in my ass-less chaps at a Halloween party over the weekend, if I do say so myself. Buns of steel. Buns. Of. Steel.