Better Than Charleston Benedict and Tasso gravy

Kristen Bell is devilishly sexy. Like the devil, but sexy. Get it?

I need some shrimp and grits so check out what’s going on around the web.

Kristen Bell is cute as a button and devilishly sexy. I must stalk her. (GMMR)

Bruce Willis assaults a paparazzo and uses the old “flashy lights, epilepsy enduced violence” excuse. Yippy-kay-yeah mutha fucka! (Derek Hail)

Jessica Simpson’s new video will feature Eva Mendes, Eva Longoria, Jessica Alba and Carmen Electra. If it’s anything like, my original script, then expect to see me in a full frontally nude pile of sexy women. If it’s not, expect to masturbate anyway. (Glitterati)

Mandy Moore woke up from her dream and dumped Zach Braff. I guess he’ll have to rely on brown bear to help him through this. (Tabloid Whore)

Victoria Beckham and her nipples are hooker chic in Germany. (D-Listed)

The cover of the new Green Day album has a bleeding heart shaped grenade on the cover which allowed a young girl to identify a real live grenade in her back yard. I’m going to start a band called “The Claymores”. I want to save the children, baby. (TMZ.com)

Madonna wants to kill Lindsay Lohan and transfer her consciousness into her body through the power of Kaballah. Or maybe she’s just a needy bitch who likes young girls. Chickenhawk. (The Superficial)

All right Hamptonites. Prepare to be out Hampton-ed, out yacht-ed and out fucking classed, you new money mother fuckers. Behold the most pretentious, whitebread, old money name ever to grace the NY Times Wedding Announcements…Whipple Spaulding Newell III…yacht hair and all. God damn. Just saying his name makes silver dollars appear in his pockets. (Veiled Conceit)