NSFW – Fatback Media

Whoa. There is quite the catfight brewing between Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey. But of course, instead of fighting it out nude at my house covered in Karo Syrup, they have chosen to duke it out through their respective Public Relations people. PR speak is usually not the version that really happened, so I have taken the liberty of translating the obfuscating language into to common parlance. Here’s what started the whole thing:

PR SPEAK: [Christina] Aguilera said that Carey was “never cool to me” in the June issue of GQ.

“One time, we were at a party and I think she got really drunk, and she had just really derogatory things to say to me,” Aguilera told the magazine. “But it was at that time that she had that breakdown, so she might have been very medicated.”

TRANSLATION: “Mariah was all fucked up on pills and acting batshit crazy and she tried to get up in my grill because I can sing better that she can now. Jealous bitch. Plus, she’s fat.”

PR SPEAK: In response to Aguilera’s comments, Carey told Access Hollywood, “I had hoped that Christina was in a better place now than the last time I saw her, when she showed up uninvited at one of my parties and displayed questionable behavior.

“It is sad yet predictable that she would use my name at this time to reinvent past incidents for her promotional gain,” Carey added. “It is in my heart to forgive and I will keep her in my prayers.”

TRANSLATION: That drunk bitch showed up at my house uninvited calling me out and she almost got fuckin’ cut. I may a diva now, but back in the day I could handle a blade. They don’t call me “the butterfly” for nothing, bitches. Name droppin’ bitch better not come around my house again or she better bring a fucking priest to for last rites”

PR SPEAK: Aguilera, whose new album, Back to Basics, is due Aug. 15, seems ready for a truce. “I do not want any bad energy with anyone,” she told Access when contacted for comment. “My intentions were not to upset Mariah with any statements that were published or taken out of context. I have all the respect in the world for her.”

TRANSLATION: I’m trying to pimp my album so I can’t be getting any jewel encrusted fantasy nail cuts across my face or I would take that has-been bitch down. She’s a dumpy has-been whore who couldn’t even sell records when she was married to Tommy “Payola” Matolla. Fucking assistant who feeds her with a straw. What the fuck bitch? Grab that shit with your Lee press-ons and drink that shit. Oh, and by the way, not only can I sing, but have you fucking seen my shit in GQ. Bitch, please. MiMi? More like MuuMuu.” (source)

QED.