NSFW – Fatback Media

Wow. What the fuck happened here? This is Jessica Simpson at the 2006 ALMA Awards. I’m assuming this is the “work” of Ken Paves and she probably paid like $15000.00 to gether hair to the color of urine after a couple of good kidney punches. This is creepily close to the color that my ex-girlfriend Divina (who was from Algeria) got when she tried to go blond that time. It was not blond. It was also not a color found in nature, I assure you. Try waking up with a rat’s nest of orange julius hair in your face sometime. I kept waking up thinking she was demon and her hair was on fire. In her defense she was Catholic and always speaking in tongues and telling me that I was going to burn in hell while shaking that chicken foot at me. Wait. Did I say Catholic? I meant Vodoun. Anyway…

The other thing is: What the hell happened to her rack? Everything is heading south and in a bad way. I hope to god that it’s that dress’s cut that’s making her chest look like a sack of wet mice, and not nature turning on her at such a young age.

Don’t get me wrong. I like natural born breastices (a lot), even with a little natural hanging lilt to them, but when they start aiming at the floor, it may be time to get some work done. For reals.

Photos: From all over the internet but mostly from IDLYITW.