NSFW – Fatback Media

The sexy bitches at D-Listed just dropped this bombshell. And I thought today was going to be a slow day. Who knows if it’s true? Who cares? Michael K and the D-Listed gang had this from Life & Style:

Life & Style has learned exclusively that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have agreed to call off their wedding — and, ultimately, to split.

Multiple insiders confirmed the story to Life & Style,
with one longtime friend of Tom’s saying: “Their relationship is
basically over.” Another friend adds: “They both agreed that the
marriage wouldn’t work and they wanted to end it before they learned to
hate each other.”

The insiders say that Tom, 43, and Katie, 27,
plan to keep up the charade of a romance until after their baby’s birth
this spring. In the meantime, the couple will live in his Beverly Hills
home — though sleeping in separate bedrooms — through the summer. Then,
presumably, they’ll announce a separation — but Tom plans to buy Katie
a home nearby so he can visit his child whenever he wishes.

“They’ll
share custody,” says the friend, who claims the couple are drawing up a
legal document to provide for Katie’s and the baby’s financial
well-being for life. “Tom will set up Katie and the baby,” adds the pal.

Shared custody is a legal term for "there was never a baby in the first place because I am a gay man married to a heterosexual girl, duh." Xenu will not be pleased, but I wonder if all this press will help boost the publicity for MI:3? Wow, that would be ironic. Except, not really. It would be ironic if aliens really did come down to earth say that idiot Hollywood stars should give all their money to them. Or if my dad really was going for smokes that night when I was 5 and just got lost on his way back. Family values rule.

Update: So, Tom and Katie’s publicists have released statement calling all this bullshit and it may be be. However, I’m sticking to my story and who ya gonna believe anyway? Have I ever lied to you? Come on baby, eat the cake.