NSFW – Fatback Media

Lindsay Lohan reportedly doesn’t like Scarlett Johannson. Lindsay has been hanging out with party girl Kate Moss again and they reportedly pulled a late one last night which
included scrawling epithets about Scarlett Johannson on a bathroom stall and lesbian pole dancing at Scores. [warning: there will be several gratuitous drug references throughout this post. Try to count 'em!]

From Gawker:

“We hear that last night at about 11:30, none other than Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss sauntered into the Dark Room during the Tarts of Pleasure DJ set. Apparently the BFFs were looking for a venue where they
wouldn’t be noticed, so Last Year’s Favorite Blow Bar seemed an
appropriate choice for two “recovered” drug users. The ladies stayed
there for the remainder of the night (presumably because they love
hanging out with folks like Carlos D and My Chemical Romance); over the
course of the evening, Lohan expressed her fondness for Gang of Four
while Moss laid low and acted model-like.

Here’s where it gets more interesting: While in the bathroom, Lohan
allegedly asked if anyone had a Sharpie. A fellow patron actually
happened to have one and handed it over to Lohan, who then used it to
scrawl “Scarlett is a cunt” on the wall. Well done, Cap’n Discreet.”

So a couple of key bumps* in the loo, and the claws come out, huh? I have no idea why Lindsay is so upset with Scarlett Johannson. Unless it’s the fact that Scarlett wasn’t a ragged out coke whore* desperate for attention at 19. The reasons that Scarlett remains on my top 10 list are the main reasons Lindsay does not. As a clinical psychologist, I learned that the perfect woman will always posses this trait: the badonkadonk. Scarlett has it. Lindsay looks like she has a bad case of noassitol. Little tip to the LA party girls: The crack-head skeleton* look is not trendy, even if your bandanna is Fendi. But I digress…

The fun didn’t stop there. According to Page Six the ski buddies* then they rode the rails of the crazy train* to Scores; which I am told is some sort of Adult Entertainment Establishment(?).

Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss joined
forces at Scores strip club early yesterday morning to put on a steamy
pole-dance show for 400 slack-jawed male patrons, PAGE SIX has learned.

Lohan, Moss and a couple of female friends swanned into the Upper
East Side mammary mecca at about 2:45 a.m. and headed straight for the
legendary Champagne Room, where the giggly group ordered round after
round of vodka shots, raspberry Kamikazes and beer.

Their
table was immediately swarmed by strippers and Lohan and Moss enjoyed
numerous lap dances. But the fun really started when Moss jumped on the
stage nearest the main bar and began grinding against a pole, much to
the delight of hundreds of red-blooded banker types.

“Kate was
going wild,” a witness told us. “After a few songs, Lindsay jumped on
stage with her. They were swinging on the pole with their arms around
each other’s waists, kissing each other, caressing each other, just
acting like strippers. The crowd was cheering them on the whole time.
They didn’t take off any clothes, but it was very hot.”

“They were both running in and out of the ladies’
room a lot,” [a witness] recalled. “I saw when it was just Lindsay dancing
solo and Kate was yelling, ‘You’re a pro, Lindsay! You should do this
for a living!’

Ok. So they are starting to win me over. But still. It’s obvious that they are still craving the white* and chopping some lines* in their adventures. Ok you know what? I can’t stop. {deep breath}

They’re queens of the snow like the Chronicles of Narnia. (that Chronic, What? Cles of Narnia), they got so many keys you think they’re valet parking, they like a sprinkle of that booger sugar, they like-a da cocaína, they got a rail pass to snowville, they’re down with jerry, they wanna get geeked, catch a drip, get the drain, do a bump, do a line, do a rail, smell the powder, carve the soap, catch a date with the white lady, roll a benjamin, snort that shit and pack their noses with columbian gold. {Whew} Ok. I think I’m done. Did I forget any?